My husband and I graduated high school together with this female friend of his. They've been friends since pre-school I guess. He is always talking to her on the phone when I'm not around and I know this because I see it on the phone bills. I think he talks to her more than me. They talk about me and I know this, too, because he's told me. He's told me in the past that he's kissed her and he's stayed the night at her house a lot but they could never date because they were too good of friends. He sees her like a sister. I feel threated in this because he talks about me to her and he just seems distant. He never sits down to talk to me anymore and we're never intimate. I don't think he's cheating on me but I'm afraid that he has feelings for her. I've had a conversation with her before and I told her that I didn't like how close they were. I guess that didn't matter because nothing has changed. How do I get him to stop talking to her so much and save our 3 year marriage?
2007-02-22 07:37:00 · 13 answers · asked by americanbaby0813 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
To clear this up...he hasn't stayed at her house since high school. That's been 6 years ago. We have two children too and they are suffering in this as well. He no longer helps me with anything around the house and has nothing to do with taking care of the kids. I feel like I'm suffering from depression. Should I try talking to her again?
2007-02-22 07:51:37 · update #1
Rent "My Best Friend's Wedding" and watch it. Your husband's friend is in the Julia Roberts role, and you are in the Cameron Diaz role. Handle it like Cameron's character does, by making the friend a confidant and making her like you.
2007-02-22 07:46:34 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it is important that he comes to his senses as it is obviously interfering with his marriage/family life and it is taking it's toll.
There seems to be no reason for him to spend more time with her then with you. And you must make that clear with him. You don't need to speak to her.
First, change your hurt feelings into understanding and compassion ( I know it's hard and I would have probably got a rifle at this point - but you know what I mean - try not to get too affected by HIS doings..just try) for the situation and most importantly accept it.
Then knock some sense into him and let him know what this is doing to you and your children. If he comes around, advise him that you would appreciate it if he puts you and the children first.
He ought to respect that. If not then you may want to try counseling to see what the root of the problem is.
Good luck.
2007-02-22 08:15:26 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Has he stayed at her house since you've been married?? If so why on earth would you tolerate that. You may not think that he is cheating but that is what you are implying.
Time for counseling, you've only been married three years and have stopped all intimacy yet he has deep conversations with her. All the signs are pointing in one directions and your gut is probably telling you correctly. Time for major help and she is not the problem, your hubby is.
2007-02-22 07:45:40 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's like the guy in 'When Harry Met Sally' says, 'men and women can't be friends becaues the sex thing is always there'. She tells him that she doesn't believe him because 'what if the girl doesn't want to have sex?' but he says 'it doesn't matter - because he does'.
I would let him know that it makes you extremely uncomfortable that he spends that much time on the phone with her, and that you don't want to be a b**ch, since they have known each other for so long, but that he really needs to respect his wife.
2007-02-22 07:50:49 · answer #4 · answered by joemammysbigguns 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
when a man is involved even in an emotional affair his family and wife are the ones that suffer, he does seem to be no longer interested in his life with us, he is distant to us, because he is beginning to disconnect from us. he wants to be with her, and it is affecting his life, and how he relates to u. been there done that, this is how it goes, when they want the other woman, it is almost as if they aren't even in our lives anymore. u can't do a thing to get him to stop, if this is what he wants to do. seems as if he has already emotionally left the marriage, u could try therapy, but as long as this woman is in there, and tugging at his heart, there is nothing u can do about it.
2007-02-22 08:53:24 · answer #5 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off I admire you for trying to work it out. Lots of people just walk out. Anywho, he is totally out of line anyway you look at it. I don't believe he will listen to you without some backup. Hopefully you can get to a counselor, pastor or someone he truly respects. I agree with another guys answer when he refers to the When Harry Met Sally scene. It's soooo true. Good luck and hopefully you guys can work it out if for no other reason but your kids.
2007-02-22 08:05:59 · answer #6 · answered by Lakin J 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I say he's known that other friend a lot longer than you. So, why are you trying to mess up their friendship. So what if they "do it". The way I see it, he's been with her for 20 years and only with you 3 so where should his loyalties be.
2007-02-22 07:49:47 · answer #7 · answered by Joe B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a huge problem. You know why? If it's a problem for you, then he should take it as a serious problem in the marriage. If continues this behavior, you need to leave him. He is emotionally cheating on you with this "friend." You deserve more out of a marriage!
2007-02-22 07:43:49 · answer #8 · answered by Back in the game... 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The concerns I see in your relationship with your husband is how he feels a stronger bond of friendship with her than for you. You as his wife should be the number one priority on his list. Nothing, or no one should come before you. You are not getting this from him. Without true intimacy between husband and wife the marriage stands on a weak foundation. I feel the number one thing you need to do is to get him and you into marital counseling as to see why there is no true intimacy between you two. Why you are not his confident, his pal, his soft place to fall back on. Why are your feelings of such low priority to him? All of us need to feel close to the one we love, if we don't get from our spouse what we need, we seek what we can to get it with other people. In other words, If you and your husband shared true intimacy, she and no one else would ever be able to come between you. This is where your real problem is, lack of true intimacy. Work on this with him and counseling to get to the root of this problem. Best of luck to you.
2007-02-22 07:58:52 · answer #9 · answered by pictureshygirl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i agree with lost and confused its a big huge problem i would tell your husband if he likes being with her better than his own wife that you will get a divorce a man don't treat thier sisters that way i got two brothers i don't see much were grown and live diffrent towns
2007-02-22 07:53:53 · answer #10 · answered by sweetgranny06 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋