I need guidance. I've been married a few years, and wife is lovely and smiley, and I?

Question

I need guidance. I've been married a few years, and wife is lovely and smiley, and I
should be happy, but my life feels empty and not worth living. I've tried to distract
myself, try to dilute how I feel, try to twist my brain into feeling happy, but over
the last year, it gets worse and worse. My wife, I think, has grown uninterested in me
emotionally and is seeking everybody else in the world to communicate with but me, has
closed me off, and has told me that it's all normal. She's not happy with everything that
she gets and demands, and just makes me feel I'm the bad guy. She finally broke the news
to me that she wasn't a virgin when we were married and that has popped up in some of
my days to the point of bite-my-toung, images burned into my head, rage. She just says,
"sorry, but that was yesterday, we should move on, " but I don't think she realizes what
she took from me and what I'm left with. I'm finally convinced that I am the bad guy.
Everything in America, and the world, is a lie. People are fake, salesman are fake,
the president is fake, your relatives are fakes, your wife is a fake, and do-gooders
are fake. Adultry is encouraged on the internet, on TV, by "friends", by self, and
is rationalized to the point of being harmless anymore..so people don't have to face the
sin. I bought a $15 paper-shredder at
office depot and the dude looks me in the eyes and tells me I need a special lubricant
to keep the blades sharp. Everybody is silently programmed to robotically embrace
diversity to the point of giving away the american dream, which has been killed. I will
never own a house because, not because I can't afford it, but because I'm too proud to
let somebody lie to me and tell me it's worth it as they leave me with such a debt.
Lies. The president looks us in the eyes and, making the assumption we're dumb pieces
of crap, lies. People sell us paper-covered furniture. Now they're producing furniture
out of cow-**** (I'm serious), because the American people work hard and deserve the
cow-****. Children have as many rights as their parents, feminism reigns, not everyone
has access to flu vaccines, but Hey! you can buy five cell phones for a penny each.
People can't unplug themselves from screens of all kinds. They want and need social
connections but have to work overtime and are always on the run, corporations have
convinced them that cell phones and computers are suitable replacements for human contact.
I'm tired of life. This life, this society, this everything. My wife will never know
how much. My question is, for someone who is so wanting of a good life, but doesn't like
doctors, what do I do? I've said over and over I want pills, because I want happiness
and bliss for my wife, but I'm afraid therapy would be rough for me. I've grown into
such a hard-sell, re-programming me even at 25 years old, would be near impossible. I
just want pills.

Answer 1

You need to find a therapist. A marriage councilor and one to help you through this very deep depression you've fallen into. The longer you stay in this dark mood the harder it is going to be to get out.
Drugs are not the answer. You need to talk to someone and your are not going to find compassionate intelligent help on Yahoo! Answers.
Please seek counselling.

Answer 2

Geez! How about a little bit of positive thinking. I can't remember the last time I heard such doom and gloom! The world is NOT coming to an end. You are only 25 years old! Way to young to be so pessimistic and bitter!
Therapy would probably do you a world of good, the trick is to find the right therapist. If you are this negative in real life and not just spouting on the internet.. then your wife is probably just responding to your bitterness.
True it is a lot easier to say then do, but try looking on the bright side of things, only you can change your outlook on life and if you continue in this negative path, then you are looking at a life time of misery and loneliness.
Please seek some help, whether it is a clergy member or a licensed therapist. Good luck!

Answer 3

You sound like a supportive husband and should be applauded for standing beside her. Was your counseling session with a psychiatrist (who can prescribe meds) as opposed to a psychologist? Is there anything that precipitates these outbursts? Is she unhappy in another part of her life that is spilling over into her relationships? Has she ever talked with a clergy person? I don't know what else to tell you. I hope that both of you can find some peace.

Answer 4

Wow, you said what was on your mind, not many people do that. I know this may seem, wrong, or weird, but your words were the most refreshing things I have read all week. I am so sick fo fake people too. Always putting on their fake smiles. Please, hang in there, you dont need pills, you need a change of scenario. You are almost my age, yet you seem so much older....I wish I knew how to hjelp you, but I am barely hanging in there myself...breathing and going on day by day. All I can say again is hang in there my friend....luv and hugs...

Answer 5

Pills are not the answer, Ever tried religion? Try researching "the secret"

The secret to life is a great way to positively change your life. in a nutshell the secret goes like this . YOu get out of life what you think about. If you think everything is bad then this is what you will get. If you change your attitude to a more positive one then the that is what you will get. The self fullfilling prophacy is true. Research it try it it can't hurt.

Answer 6

waaaaaaa
why don't you try doing something to help the greater good, or even something to help someone who has it worse than you. and "unplug yourself from screen" instead of sitting around complaining about how rough you have it, because honestly, you sound self-centered and self-righteous and self-absorbed, and there are people out there with REAL problems, not some silly crap that they make up in their heads.
grow up.

Edit: you don't want bliss for your wife, you want bliss for yourself. you seem like the type that would be judgemental of your wife for not being a virgin, you have something against women in general (being against feminism=being against equal rights). maybe your wife is sick of you treating her like a second class citizen so she shuts you out. hell, the way you ***** & moan, who can blame her?!

Answer 7

Wow!

You are seriously NOT HAPPY. I can really feel your pain through the words you have written.

Is your happiness dependent upon your wife's happiness or what she does or did? Or on what other people do and say?

In his book You Can Be Happy No Matter What, Richard Carlson states that the reason most people are unhappy is they believe that happiness is something that happens OUTSIDE of them, something that is contingent upon the circumstances of their lives and the events they live through. They believe happiness is transient and fleeting and do not understand that happiness is about what they are thinking and feeling IN THE MOMENT.

Your thoughts in the moment affect how you feel in the moment which affects your mood, then your mood affects your feelings and affects your thoughts in the moment.. In other words, if you are having negative thoughts in the moment then you will have negative feelings in the moment and that will lead to a negative mood. That negative mood will then lead to more negative feelings and that will lead to more negative thoughts. It becomes a viscous circle. That is what you are experiencing right now.

However, the reverse is also true, positive thoughts in the moment lead to positive feelings in the moment which lead to a positive mood.

The trick is not to try to be more positive, the trick is to think positive thoughts. When I feel unhappy, I DELIBERATELY stop thinking about whatever I'm thinking about and start thinking about something that I like. I even keep a HAPPY list in my purse so I when I want to feel better I have something to use. For example, I might make myself think, I like the movie Babel, I like that song I heard on the radio this morning- it had good lyrics and the music was nice, I like that my son washed my car for me, etc. I just keep thinking about what I like and within a couple of minutes I feel better. THIS REALLY WORKS.

Or thinking about what you are grateful for also helps, like I am grateful to be alive, I am grateful for my health, I am grateful to have a roof over my head, etc.

I noticed in your message that you think people and society are basically bad. Here's the way your mind works...what you see in the world and other people is a mirror of what's going on inside of you. Everything you perceive is filtered through YOUR brain and your brain adds a meaning to what you perceive. What you like and accept in others is what you accept in yourself. What you don't like and don't accept in others is what you don't like and don't accept in yourself. If you learn to love and accept yourself more than you would learn to love and accept other people more. Please read Debbie Ford's brilliant book The Dark Side of the Light Chasers.

You can be happy, but you have to realize your happiness is about you (not what your wife does, not what the government does). You have to make the decision to be happy, take responsibility for your own feelings and not blame others.