when a husband tells his wife that he gets depressed when he?

Question

sees her, and that he does not want the marriage anymore what can she do to help him see that things can get better?

Pls. be kind.

He does not want counselling, i am going by myself. He sees the changes in me and says that it's good that I am changing but he does not want to be in this marriage anymore.

More details: His family treated me like crap for years and he didn't defend me aggressively the way they were attacking me aggresively - lies, rumors, put downs, shut outs and singling me out.

So I was angry at him for leaving me to fend for myself becasue he was weak. We were both madly in love but my anger just grew because I felt so worthless and he just couldn't take it anymore after 5 years. I said things to him tht I wish i hadn't but it was my pain talking.

Answer 1

I went through the same thing with my hubby. and he actualy left. nothing i treid worked and he left. one day he calls me and tells me he misses me and our kids and that if i will let him he wants to come home. it has been great since. i am not saying this will happen for you but if you do everything he asks and work your butt off to please him and nothing works, then give him some space. and see if that works. i hope everything works out.

Answer 2

Well i understand that he doesn't want counseling so you will not be able to get him there. But all you can do is just wrap him with kind words and tell him how you think he is wonderful and how you love him and pray that he sees that you both can be good together. I would ask him to tell you what it is that makes him depressed when he sees you. Did you do something to cause him to feel that way? If you did then you have to make it right but if he is just using it as an excuse because he might be seeing someone then tell him that he has to fess up to what ever it is that he is doing so that he can see where things need fixing.
Good Luck.

I think that with this added things that you are now saying changes things, have you thought that he might be speaking to you out of the same thing your threw at him. It is wrong to try to make your husband defend you against his family, you should have left it alone and just told him that what they said made you feel bad. He would have went to bat for you if you had just let him do it on his own terms but you took a bat and beat him with it and that was way wrong and know he has all the wounds to show for it and so know you have lots of mending to do.. I hope it is not to late.

Answer 3

I'm guessing that if he truly saw any way to resolve or save this marriage or had any love in him for you at all, that he would participate in all or some of the same counceling sessions that you are, and he is not! This says a lot! I also think whatever the problem is more than likely is not just you, and a marriage takes 100% from both parties not 50/50 so he also is denying and not caring about his participation or responsabilities to his wife and clearly doesnt want to at this time, or realize it yet. I would continue to go to the sessions that help you as an indavidual to move on if needed and to go thru it while you still are, but while telling him you are not going to be the only one doing the work or caring here because for one its not fair, right, and disrespectful for the most part and that you no longer are going to ask him to do anything that he doesnt want to do, and to proceed with what it is that he wants to do and let you know respectfully what he is doing when he is sure of it and let him feel alittle of the seperation or reality of the situation and see if he backs off or continues with it. Because essentially you dont want or need to be with someone who feels this way it will only hurt you more and more as time goes on and equally he will be more bitter and more resentful the longer he stays so it will only get worse, right. Look I know its way easier said than done but reality is a really kick in the butt all the time and I never seem to get used to it reguardless of how true it will always be, but good luck and again I really think letting him loose alittle bit will probly get his true feelings to surface or atleast begin to deal with them and analize what he wants, and remember this will only teach you valuable lessons for the right man that you will eventually meet and one day believe it or not will be thankful that you learned it prior to a man you'll find you love on a whole nother level and wont have to loose based on your pre learned lesson, good luck ok Kim

Answer 4

Marriage is one of the hardest jobs anybody can have, but one with the greatest benefits. Your husband may be just alittle tired, which happens to everyone in every job right (a little burnout). You need to revive him. He also could truly be suffering from mild general depression, for which he should talk to the family doctor. Depression is extremely common and easily treatable. Otherwise, you and your husband could see down and have a heart to heart about what things he feels are dragging him down and what you can do to alleviate this. Maybe a weekend at the local hotel for some intense couple time, a few hours at the spa for a good massage for you both. Maybe even a guys' vacation (his brother or brother-in-law and he could go camping or to a boat show or car show and spend a few days just being guys). Good luck and God Bless.

Answer 5

Have you asked him about marriage counseling? You both need to talk to a professional to see if the marriage can be saved. If not, move on and start over. I left my husband 2 years ago after 10 years together. It was hard, but I am happy and in love again!! Good luck sweetheart!

Answer 6

Does he give any details as to why every time he sees you he gets depressed? Could it be your appearance, you as a person, marriage makes him depressed, what? If you would give more details maybe my answer could have been more helpful. I can understand how you so want to save your marriage, but if he is not willing to even work on it, then what else can you do but to let him go? In time you will begin to accept this and feel better. After all who would want to be in a marriage when the feelings you get from it is not being wanted.

Answer 7

First, I'm very sorry to hear that. Unfortunately if things have gotten to the point where he is telling you that he is depressed by being around you, he has already emotionally distanced himself from you.

Tell him that you hear him and understand how he feels. Remind him that you love him very much. Ask him what he thinks is causing it. Ask him what HE thinks you can do to make things better. make sure he knows you are serious.

Whatever you do, at this point in time don't judge him or do anything to further push him away. Try to be a friend to him and let him work some issues out - with your help.

Answer 8

Sadness is a part of life. We all have sadness. And it sounds as if you are going to be sad, for he no longer wants you and you will doubt your self worth. But realize that life is short! That it is meant to be filled with happiness! Let him go. Just let him go. And go visit the children in a leukemia ward so that you can regain your perspecive about what sadness truly is. Then drink a bottle of champagne, have good cry, and move on. Seek strength from your girlfriends. And good luck. Life will get better!

Answer 9

Although I am not married I am in a similar situation . My boyfriend of 4 1/2 yrs & I just resently called it quits. He has a lot on his mind & states ,"nothin is making me happy" I questioned including me , he said, "yes" I decided to give him the space he was requesting in hopes that he would see things clearer in time. It has been a tough battle & the more I think about it the more his depression was starting to effect my self esteem & morale. Sometimes you have to let things go work on yourself this situation has probably effected you in ways you can't even imagine. Don't be afraid to be happy on your own.

Answer 10

hun, you are only responsible for you. If he wants out - there is nothing you can do to change his mind. It looks like you've already tried all that you can. You need to let it go and understand that it was his decision. If you dont you will forever wonder if you should have done more to keep him. It's not up to you! Sorry you are going through this :(

Answer 11

Well, brutally honest, I think this marriage is over and you should just end it. Keep going to counseling though. If he doesn't want it anymore, just keep doing what you are doing. Good luck.