My hubbys will???and the angry ex. wife and daughter??

Question

My husbands ex. wife whom he married twice and mother of his 16 yr old daughter is extremley upset with me!I have only been married to my hubby for a year and half but he has put me in his will as the sole beneficiary and executor(sorry not sure if the ex. wife used the right words).I am 24 going on 25 and my husband is 14 yrs older than .He just had a heart attack and was diagnosed with lung cancer so i am worried about his health and dont want to complain to him about his ex. wife's nasty phone calls and his daughters acting out when she is visiting.My hubby says if he were to die before his daughter is 18 yrs old her mom and her will recieve a lump salary of child support but thats all.He said it would be my choice if i wanted to give anything else to them.I dont feel comfortable with this?should i just ignore it?

I dont want to be harrassed by his ex.wife over this

Answer 1

I would ignore it. You are married to him now. Just be good to him and stay strong because you have a long hard road with him. Take care of him the best that you can. Then in the end, no one can say anything because you were a good wife to him. And stayed by his side until the end. Good luck and God bless.

Answer 2

Honestly, it's not your issue. It's the ex, daughter, and your husband's issues. You have just been unfortunately put in the middle. It sounds like they feel entitled to more than what he's offering. If it was all that, they would still be married. The ex and daughter are still bitter over the divorce and fact you are younger than her and only 8 years older than the other. The ex got what she had to coming to her in the divorce. The daughter is provided for in the event of his death and that should be enough. Try to have a meeting of the minds with both of them and let them know you are not in this to cause a rift and want things to be cordial. You also need to let them know that the phone calls and acting out are not appreciated and will not be tolerated. Keep a journal of any incidents from this point on. If you choose to give anything else, cross that bridge when you get to it. Make it something along the lines of paying for college for 4 years or a modest trust when she turns 25.

Answer 3

Good advice above to ignore others pressure and respect his wishes, but do not forget a couple of key points:

1. What he does to others he can/might/will do to you... if he cut them out, he can do the same to you just as easily.

2. It is basically irresponsible for a MAN to not provide for his children (and to some or same extent their mother) after his passing. Regardless of new gender roles, or any hurt feelings admitted or not, a REAL man is resposible for the family he creates by marrying a woman and/or impregnating her. Whether he is leaving millions or pennies, a major portion should go where it belongs. A SMART man would either go ahead and give it prior to passing or at least place it into a trust to minimize the government getting 40% through probate proceedings.

3. Imagine yourself in their shoes, you just 16 years from now, having given all of your time, energy, work, love, resources, and energy to a marriage/father/family and then divorce and/or death threatens to leave you with NOTHING to show for all your effort and dedication. Understanding/empathizing with their perspective will reduce the 'pressure' you feel from them, and make you take notice that he has shifted the burden of sharing his earnings with them to you, placing a huge burden on you and taking it off himself... he is clearly not responsible.

4. Don't make a 'fuss', make him as happy as you can without sacrificing your own well-being and happiness, and then be a decent person and keep very little for yourself when he croaks.

Aren't families fun!

Answer 4

"My hubby says if he were to die before his daughter is 18 yrs old her mom and her will recieve a lump salary of child support but thats all."

It sounds like he has been fair and provided for his daughter... his ex has no say in his will beyond that (alimony responsibilities are not an estate issue). Look after your husband, he needs you now... Ignore his ex. Even should she eventually challenge his will, she is unlikely to win.

Answer 5

I am in a similar position, and all the help I can give you is to ignore it, I know it is hard, and you have to deal with the crap of having a step daughter who is rude and an ex wife who hates you, but all you need to worry about it your husband, and his health and your emotional stability, Your husband has left her off the will on purpose and I know you don't like dealing with the calls and such, but you shouldn't be, he should be. He is the one that married her, he is the one that had the child with her. You need to tell the daughter that when you are under my roof you need to treat me with respect and you need to treat your father with respect. You don't feel comfortable with what? having to deal with the finances if something should happen to your husband, what you can do is if something does happen to him, set up a trust for the daughter that says you get so much money if you go to college or when you are 25 and you get so much when you get married and such. That leaves it out of the hands of you and of them. Your husband can do something like that, a living will, that states that all of it will go to you with X amount set aside for a trust. If he doesn't want to then he doesn't and you should respect the wishes that he has. Don't complain to him about her, it will do your relationship and his health no good.

Ignore when she is harassing, kill her with kindness, treat her like just another person. She has made the bed and she has to lay in it.

Make sure you have POA's and I have a will and I have everything and I am supposed to create a trust for my stepdaughter, but nothing is going to the ex. NOTHING.

Answer 6

Your husband can leave his daughter part of his estate if he passes before she reaches majority and name an attorney or trusted relative as trustee and keep you totally out of the loop that way the ex has no excuse. If his parents are still living or a sibling, they could be named.

He shouldn't put you in this position if it makes you uncomfortable and how did his ex find out about this anyway? Did he goad her with this info, if so, I would definately talk to him about why. You shouldn't blame the girl for to much acting out considering she is probably terrified she is going to lose her Dad.

He should provide something for his daughter, college trust fund, something at least. She didn't ask to be brought into the world and parents should look out for their child's best interests.

Answer 7

Hi Mel.....

Hmm,, wow, don't sound good honey,, no offense.. but I also have an ex from Hell... and a spoiled brat 18 yr old.....

From what I know, the daughter will get a portion of your husbands estate... its called a childs part or portion.. and I dont know if that includes Life Ins.. money......

Your best bet,, is to go talk to an attorney... Thats what i suggest,,, and protect yourself....You know that The Old WItch , is going to try to get all of it !!!!!
I personally , am thinking about re-marrying and have a boat load of kids.. hahahahaaa.......(keep that in mind) no offense...

But i would get things in writing before anything worse happens and your husband might not be able to sign.... !!! also,, you need to make sure he has no current will , leaving everything to the Ex.... filed on record,,, and have power of attorney signed for youself.... in front of witnesses and notorized.....

Better protect yourself!!!!
Sorry for your predicament, but Good luck

Answer 8

First of all - a will should be confidental! Why does his ex wife even know of his intentions after he passes? Secondly - SHE is not entitled to ANYTHING. Absolutely nothing! They shared a life once - they aren't together anymore. End of story. That being said I dont know what your husband is thinking not leaving anything to his own daughter. Even IF he passes before she is 18, he should be leaving SOMETHING to her in his will. Giving you everything is wrong. You should voice your concern and tell him you want him to include his daughter in his will. And then from there on keep it confidental! His daughter doesn't need to know she's part of his will. She'll find out when he passes. And his ex-wife? It's none of her business anymore.

Answer 9

If he has changed his will and put you in it, then thats his choice.
When he passes on, this is what he wants to happen. They are his wishes and i would just ignore the money hungry ex wife and bratty daughter!!
they have to accept that he has moved on with his life and theres nothing they can do to change that. If she is threatening you on the phone and stuff, this is pretty serious. maybe you should tell her to back off, if that doesnt work tell him about it and that you are worried about it, and ask him to set it straight, if that doesnt work, then go to the police. It may sound harsh but some people will do ANYTHING for money/inheritance!

Answer 10

Don't destroy the relationship you have now because of being let down in the past. I have been let down to so i understand how you feel. But you have to let go of your past, they share a child together and the child has the right to see both parents. We have to consider everyone involved and don't show those insecurities in-front of him, guys often think we are clingy or needy if we get insecure or controlling, their way of thinking still gets me, if they act insecure they are cheating even when you find they don't, we all get insecure and we all make mistakes none of us are perfect. I don't know how you stayed 15 years with someone treating you like that, i left after 2 years that was my limit. You have a good guy, you have to take a risk its a risk getting involved with anyone we never know if we will get hurt. They take a risk getting involved with us to. She is a part of the child's life and if you take him on you take the child on to.