help! i dont know what to do?

Question

I am 20 weeks pregnant and we are deciding on a name. We are not married just dating and he wants the baby to have his last name, well i dont completely agree with that i think the baby should have my name until we get married? am i wrong for wanting that? i even agreed to have it both last names, he got mad and said just keep it your last name! what should i do?

Answer 1

I gave my baby my partners name and we are not married but plan on being together forever.
It depends on whether you can see yourself with this person for the rest of your life. If you think it's not a serious relationship and hes going to end up being a weekend daddy then it's better to give her your name.

Answer 2

At this time, the baby should have your last name. A name follows your child forever. It is an honor that is not earned by simple biology, but instead by a lifelong commitment of time, energy and resources. Put the father's name on the birth certificate. A child is not illegitimate so long is paternity is acknowledged. Anything behond that, your boyfriend must earn by more than lip service.

YOU will ALWAYS be with this child unless very unfortunate circumstances occur in the future. Without marriage or another long term legal commitment, at this time the child's father has only biology connecting him to his child for the long haul. That's significant but too slim to merit his name attached permanently to the baby.

Hire an attorney or go to Legal Aid. If your boyfriend wants the baby to bear his last name, but is not now planning a legal commitment to you (marriage), he needs to agree to a legal commitment to his child. He needs to sign a carefully drawn legal document in which he agrees to support the baby financially for at least the first 18 years of life. He needs to also agree to shared responsibilities laid out clearly in the same legal document: child care, visitation, assistance with clothing, education, medical care--whatever you see as the long term responsibilities a GOOD mother or father would gladly agree to.

If your boyfriend is eager to sign such a document, then he is taking the first step in becoming a responsible father. If he protests, intimidates you, or blows up as he did over your combined name suggestion, then you know that your first instinct--to give the baby your last name--is correct.

If in the future, you get married and he proves to be a devoted husband and father for a significant period of time, then you can apply for a legal name change for you and your baby.

Answer 3

Well it is entirely yours and his descision. If i were you though...which i was at one time. I got pregnant and wasnt married. But i knew my BF was the father so i named the baby and gave it his last name. Why would you want to start your baby off with your last name and then move it to his? It will make things very confusing for him. A name change isnt just a simple thing. You have to go through paperwork, order new birth certificate, new social security etc... Its a pain. I can see your point however. But it worked great with my child and i think you should try to see it from his point of veiw and he should try to see it from ur's . good luck

Answer 4

It depends on what state you live in but some states will require the baby to have his last name. Changing your babies name is very difficult and costly to do. You really need to think it thru, if the only reason that you can think of is because your not married, in my opinion its not a good enough reason to cause the hurt. Like you said you could hypen the babies name. Good luck.

Answer 5

you should keep it your last name. i don't understand why he would get mad if your going to get married anyway then soon enough it will have his last name. not a joint name and not your name but his.
unless he thinks you don't want the baby to have his name because he thinks your not in it for the long hall.
you have to sit down and talk to him about it.
but for NOW, you should have the baby take your name then give it his name.

hope this helps & Good Luck!

Answer 6

Well I think it depends how committed you are to eachother. I assume it's more than 'just dating' and you're in some sort of serious relationship. Do you think he will stay around and you'll become a family, or are you afraid he'll leave you both at some point? I think you need to discuss the reasons you don't want to give the child his name before you make a decision, otherwise your partner will feel like you've already excluded him and you don't necessarily see a future with him.

Answer 7

Keep the Babies last name yours...just in case you never get married your baby will never have to answer the question .."why don't you have the same last name as your Mom?"

Answer 8

If he's the father let the baby have his last name. If you are having a boy then he will carry on the last name of the father. Keep the boys generation going.

Answer 9

I definitely like the idea of the child having both mom and dads last name! Yes it is usual for the child to bear the fathers last name but I don't see why any child can't have both last names representing both parents and where they came from. I say if you are serious about your child having both last names then pursue your hubby and tell him how much it means too you

Answer 10

No! You are definatley not wrong for wanting that!!
This guy sounds very controlling and if you ever split then how are you going to feel about your baby having your ex-boyfriends last name??
Its just going to be a nasty reminder
I would have it as yourlastname hyphen hislastname then if you do split you can just call your baby by the first part of his last name aka your last name =]
Or if he said its okay anyways just give the baby your last name =]
Its your baby, it grew inside you and you have to be happy with him/her
Best of luck sweetheart!