What do I do?

Question

okay so im 2 1/2 months preg, my boyfreind tells me yesterday that today he is inlisting in the marines to take care of us.. his boot camp is 3 months then his school is 6 months.. I am hurt and feel like he is leaving me to go through this alone.. what to do

Answer 1

Wow. That's a big decision for your boyfriend (and father of your baby) to make on his own. Yes, it is ultimately his decision, but ideally you should discuss things as a family, at the very least so everyone is in the loop. It's also possible he has determined this is the best way he can provide for you and the baby and he is scared to death (since we are actively at war right now) and is handling it by being tough. You two need to sit down and talk. Let him know how you feel and, if he's already enlisted, that you support him in his efforts to be a responsible man and father. Being a military wife/girlfriend can be tough; I've been there. It will be important for you to be a strong, independent woman so your boyfriend can focus on the task at hand and not worry because he can't be in two places at once and therefore can't take care of you back at home. Be honest with him, but try to be positive and confident and utilize this opportunity to become that person (if you aren't already).

Answer 2

Wow, a tough one! Is there any chance of changing his mind? I don't know where you live, but aren't there any other types of job opportunities, or even a trade school where he can spend the same nine months getting an education and be home with you at the same time?

I'd let him know that he wouldn't be taking care of you by leaving you with stress that could potentially be harmful to you and the baby.

G_d forbid, should the worst happen, he certainly wouldn't be doing you any favors leaving you a widow and his child without a father.

And do let him know how you feel! Maybe you can also enlist the help of family to do the convincing. Best of luck to you.

Answer 3

I think you should have given us a little bit more background info but from what I gather, he is certainly doing the right thing...however, he needs to MARRY you first. Joining the military is probably the best thing any young man or woman can do. You get training, you learn skills that will help you in any field, free housing, a food allowance every month, guaranteed homeownership, money for college, and of course the medical benefits; the list goes on and on. However, you as a mother aren't guaranteed any of his benefits unless the two of you are married (as far as I know). What's more, is that if he is doing something as life changing as joining the Armed Forces to take care of you and the baby, he probably loves you (you haven't said that he loves you, but I'm going to assume that he does). If a man truly loves a woman, he should marry her...period.

As for you getting the feeling he's leaving you to go through this alone, he doesn't see it that way if he's a good man (you haven't told us that either but, again, I'll assume he is as he's turning his life upside down presumeably for you and the baby). But the fact is, you don't have to go through it alone. I know you want him there but he's not going to be...that's just the way it is. My advice to you would be to seek someone to help you through this. A friend or relative that you trust and can count on. Don't get me wrong, having the father there is obviously the best option, but in this case, it never hurts to have a solid backup. Good luck with the baby.

Answer 4

well honey you have put yourself in a place that is not gona be easy but the baby is whats inportant now you need to be strong and if your boyfrend realy is going in to saport you and the baby then he s being responcable and it well may be the best disishon i hope you have a mom or a frend to see you threw but in the end it is on your sholders look in your hart and do whats best for your baby if you are going to keep it your gona need to get some saport welfare sucks but at lest you could get some training so that you could pravide a good futer for yourself and your baby if you arnt gona keep it concider aoption first there are so many peaple that would love to be parents you could opt for open adoption the point is you have choices that realy only you can make becouse thay will afect you and your baby the most be good to yourself it is not the end of the world and in my apinion a baby is alwas a blessing you just might find out you are alot stronger than you think god bless you and keep you

Answer 5

I don't know. Probably don't do anything much for awhile until you figure out where this might be going. Otherwise, take it slow, consult with your and his family (if possible) your friends (if you have any) and perhaps even a counselor and then try to follow your heart. Best of luck in a bad sounding situation. Yahoo answer's will only probably be of limited help even if you got all the best answers in the world.

Answer 6

Your boyfriend is in survival mode. That is a GOOD quality. He is racking his brain for means in which to provide stable living for you and the baby. If you guys are truly IN LOVE, everything will work out.

I commend him for thinking of positive solutions in which to support his soon to be family. He, unlike you is thinking of things like medical care, housing costs etc... You seem to be young and so is he, going into the military is ONE way for him to secure your child’s future, well, better that he can do in civilian life. It will be a tough road traveled, but in the long run it may just be the right decision. And if it does happen don't think of it as "you doing it on your own" you are both contributing to the well being of your child, and THAT young lady is called PARENTING.

Answer 7

The military is not a bad option for support, They pay decently, will pay for college and as a vet if anything happens to him and you are married, you will be taken care of. If he's doing it to take care of you, don't fault him for it. Look to friends and family for support while you carry your child. He's trying to support you and starting now would be a good time to do it. Also If you are concerned about how he feels talk to him. You may find his motives are altruistic, or you may be able to express your feelings and come to a comprimise that fits you both.

Answer 8

Sounds like hes in a way using this as an excuse. Tell him that you need him here and that yall are in this together, and now at this time is not a good time to enlist, because if something happens how are you going to raise a child without the babies father.

Answer 9

Sounds like an easy way out.. the military won't pay for the birth of the child unless your married before you got pregnant, they will give dependants pay once born that you can get without his permission once his names on the birth certificate. If its his only way to support the child and you tell him to marry you before he goes in, its alot more money coming in if hes married to you. And thats a fact..

Answer 10

I understand he is doing this to take care of you, if he hasnt done it yet, dont let him, because yes he will be taking care of you, but wont really ever be THERE for you! If he already has, just be a good wife to him and be there every step of the way, the best thing to do is to be strong for him and yourself, cuz at times all you will have is yourself!!!