Why does my fiancee think that he has to lie down with his 13 year old son at night.?

Question

He says rhat he has to lay down with him to make sure he goes to sleep. But then my fiancee falls asleep in there and I miss out on having him in bed with me 2-3 times a week. I cant find any research on this subject. Help!

Answer 1

Sounds like you need to break that habit and get your man back. Or find a real man that doesn't like cuddling with little boys....

weird people...

Why did you need me to tell you that?

Answer 2

13 is a bit old to be doing that, but my daughter and I do something similar because it is the only time and place where we can talk about her life and issue and be quiet and alone. And sometimes I fall asleep as we get all talked out because I am so tired from my day. It sounds like it is more for your fiancee that his son, maybe he is trying to hold on if the situation with the boy's mother was difficult. Try to talk to your financee about it and see if there is something he can define (is he afraid the boy will sneak out if he doesn't ensure he is asleep, if so, install alarms on the doors and windows and sleep in your bed). He may actually be causing some detriment to the boy at this stage of his life by doing this. Talk to a family doctor or therapist to see if you can all get to the bottom of this. Good luck and God Bless.

Answer 3

One might go in and lay with a 3 year old for a little while. But a 13 year old?? Something is either wrong with your boyfriend the kid or both. No 13 year old needs his Daddy or Mommy to lay with them to go to sleep. You need tell your man that what he is doing is way wrong, even if no molesting is going on. This kid could tell a teacher or anyone that his Daddy lays with him every-night. Just think where that would get him & you as it is going on in your home. I think you should think real serious about the situation. It's just not right,
Good luck

Answer 4

I do the same with my 2 yr old ,,but he is 2 a 13 yr old should not have to have his dad sleep with...It seems a little odd ..is the boy autistic or something like that, then it might make sense.. you need to have a serious talk with him..Find out why he feels the need to sleep with a 13 yr old ..Go in the room after he falls asleep and wake him up to come to bed in his own room...Good luck with this

Answer 5

Similiar situation with my husband pre-marriage but it was his 3-4 year old daughter and he had kind of a guilty dad syndrome because she was scared (visitation on weekends only) I talked with him and explained to him the reasons he should get away from that, that it teaches her independence and not to be afraid, that the only way she could learn not to be afraid was to let her see that she was safe consistently.

First night was hard. Bedroom doors were open, hers only 3 feet from ours. Hubby laid rigid and tense while she cried about how scared she was. I had to constantly comfort him to say that she was alright, we were right there, blah, blah.

Took a little time, but within a couple months, problem more or less resolved. We still leave a closet light on (she's 7 now) just so she'll know where she is if she wakes up and our door is closed.

Transfer to 13 year old - try explaining benefits to fiancee of son learning to be more independent and secure in himself. If it's talk/share time, participate in that with him (I take it you plan on a life long relationship with him). Then tuck in, say good-night and adults go their own way. If the 13 YO fights this, stand ground. Check on him to make him feel secure a few times (but not every time) and then gradually he will just go on his own. Remember, talk to fiancee with his son's best interest in mind and he will respond more positively. If talk sounds selfish, he will get on defensive and refuse to listen.

If you are interested in looking further, check out web-sites on blended families, bonus families, etc. This will be the first (and maybe) easiest trial you'll have on your journey into step-parenting.

Good luck.

Answer 6

Sounds like your fiancee is intentionally missing out on being in bed with you. You're going to be marrying this guy so maybe you should have a conversation with him about this. Any way I look at it something isn't quite right with the whole situation. Thirteen year old boys don't need Dads to put them to bed. Thirteen year old boys should be repulsed by the idea of sharing a bed with his Father.

Answer 7

ummm...if it were me, I would be worried. I think that this might be a legitimate claim if the child was 2-5 years old or something...but 13??? It is not only completely unnecessary for your fiance to do this, but it is also extremely detrimental to your own relationship with each other. I would share this information with him and let him know how it really makes you feel...

I have watched many episodes of the show "Supernanny"- it sounds dumb, I know- but there is actually some really good advice on it...I work with children and have actually used some of the techniques she uses for guidance and discipline issues and seen positive results from it...

Go to this website...http://abc.go.com/primetime/supernanny/index?pn=epguide

There have been many episodes with issues of children and sleep at night...Information on this subject should be listed here.

Hope this helps!

Answer 8

A 13 yo is old enough to fall asleep by himself. Your fiance is not doing a good job as a parent.

Answer 9

13 yrs old he needs help!!! That sounds like some Michael Jackson thing to me!!! But serious the boy is old enough to fall asleep on his own!!!!

Answer 10

That's a weird one....is it because his son will watch tv or play games and not fall asleep or is this some kind of bonding issue. Either way...it seems extreme to me.

Answer 11

Are you a social worker? If so then you should know that that is very inappropriate. Is your man gay? A pedophile? What's really going on. How does the child act? This may be a case of abuse. Need more details.