We had a wonderfull marriage, but then suddenly we started having problems like all marriages do the first five years are the hardest, well we had barely made it thru our frist when she was fed up, she had said there had been alot of issues that made her decide to come to the point of a divorce after one year. I told her to give me a second chance and show her i can change and be the man i was suppose to be from the get go. So i started cooking, cleaning, paying bills, attending to the house hold more, being more caring and sweet to her. I stated working out, got a second job and even went back too school. It wasnt enough she decided that a seperation was good for us now, to think things over, i wanted her to stay and work it out at home, but nope. So she did not just move out, she bought a new place, and moved in with her sister that was living with us and her two kids, she said she did that because she wanted to help her sister out. Now im all by my self paying for the house.
2007-02-22 06:24:30 · 12 answers · asked by MelF 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I can understand on why you are feeling depressed. But my advice to you would be to start thinking with your head and not your heart. The house she bought with her sister might be considered community property which leaves you intitled to part of ownership. Get some legal advice and protect your assets. Don't let your pain cloud your vision.. You being so willing to take her back is only making her pull further away from you. I know how a broken heart can be so painful, been there myself, but you must stop being so desperate or she will begin to lose respect for you as a man. She is probably just wanting to see if she could get away from the woes of marriage for a while. You must make it clear to her that if she is not willing to work on the marriage then she leaves you no other alternative but to accept this and you will make a positive effort to move on. Stand firm or she will think you are not serious. Then do NOT call her or contact her at all. In order for your feelings to be heard, you must do the opposite of what you have been doing. You have to understand, if you make her think it would be easy for her to come back she will not have the incentive to work on the marriage, feeling she does not have to. IF she sees that you are strong and willing to let her go, this will make her question if she will lose you. Right now, she has no fear of loseing you, she is sure of your love, sure you want her back. Trust me, after saying this to her she will test you. If she calls you DO NOT be so available. Do not give her any insight as to how depressed you are feeling. She needs to wonder. You might say this is playing games, what it is, is standing up for yourself and letting her know she cannot play with the marriage and your emotions. I really hope you take some consideration in what I have said. Best of luck to you!.
2007-02-22 07:01:49 · answer #1 · answered by pictureshygirl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree, the first five years are rough. My husband and I are going on our third year this year. That first year, oh my god!!! It was a night mare but we got through it. Thank god! She has to understand that you can't throw in the towel when things get on your nerves or whatever. If that was the case, I would've already been divorced. It takes team work. Not just puttin the blame on the man. Because I will tell ya that I'm not perfect either and neither is your wife. You did a great thing by improving yourself to make things better but for her to leave you high and dry. That is not right. I know you are hurting right now and you want her back. I would suggest that you go and talk to her, ask her what can you do to get her to come back. If she say nothing, that is your key to move on with your life. If payin the house alone is a pain on your pocket, sale the house. Down size by movin into an apartment or rent a smaller home. Don't just throw yourself away just b/c this woman doesn't want you any more. It is not worth it. Maybe she is not for you. With you knowin that when things get rough that she is going to walk away from it, do you really want someone like that in your life? No! Honey, you can do bad by yourself don't stoop so low that you have to be depressed over nothing. Be the bigger person about that. Talk and then go from there. Good luck!
2007-02-22 06:36:51 · answer #2 · answered by jetta 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm so sorry about your marriage. Ask your wife if she's willing to do marriage counseling, If she is you may be able to get to the bottom of some of her issues. If she not willing then you have to make a choice to move on. You deserve to be in a relationship with someone who truly loves you. You sound like a great guy and if it doesn't work. I promise you will recover from your broken heart . Try finding a separated or divorced spousal support group to help you coup with the loneliness and depression. Good Luck and God bless
2007-02-22 07:12:24 · answer #3 · answered by genuine1 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My suggestion to you is that you go see the lawyer first and have the papers drawn up the way you want them to read. Once you present her with papers for a divorce, she will either face the reality that you are done with her and make a choice. If she signs and does not look back, you just saved yourself a lot of time. Sounds like it is done to me and you need to stand up to her and quit the groveling. You were man enough to change, now it is time to be man enough to leave her and give some other lucky lady the shot at a good husband.
2007-02-22 07:10:04 · answer #4 · answered by Suthern R 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hello....Mc Fly.....are you out there or are you in space...this woman doesn't want you ...get over it.....be thankful she didn't saddle you with child support...if it doesn't work out even in the first year then give it up dude!
Dump this woman and find someon that can make you happy! Figure out what your desired endstate is and work towards that goal....don''t think that this woman will ever do anything but take your life away from you...be a man! Women like men...not some mamby pamby shadow of a man.....if you act like a man women notice this and respect you...she left you because of her not you...no matter what you would have done wouldn't have prevented that.
check out the following website...you need a whole new doctrine for your emotional life and this can help you!
http://www.condomsbrasandstraightjackets.com/
2007-02-22 06:37:11 · answer #5 · answered by hoyhoydc 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I do not know about your life but seems you are OK.
First: you have to understand that "yes" , you are alone
Second: If she does not want to be with you, there´s not much you can do.
Third: Enjoy your "new" life. She doesn't deserve you any way.
Yesterday i went with my son to the shopping mall and guess what??? They were pretty women everywhere. Some were white, tall, short, black, Asian, Latinas, young, old, fat and the best part is that all of them were pretty. Don´t worry everything takes time, after my divorce it took me about 5 months to understand this.
You did everything in your power to save your marriage, so???
Look up to your new life, you are getting a second chance...
Good luck!!!
2007-02-22 06:43:12 · answer #6 · answered by adsomx 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i dont want to break ur spirit but if u didnt do anything wrong to make her leave then u shouldnt be bother. i applaud u because u really have tried to make things better and if she cant see that they maybe she doesnt deserve u. if only other men were like u. however if u still want her back, u can relive the first time u met, remind her of how much u were in love and show her that u are head over heels for her, take her on a 2nd honey moon. go have fun, make it as if u had just fallen in love. talk things over, ask her wat u are doing wrong. if she doesnt want u back after all that, she had no intention of ever taking u back.
2007-02-22 06:32:10 · answer #7 · answered by babyblue 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
God Love you for trying. Wish my ex would have, we'd still be together. best wishes i know its difficult but chin up, get a roommate or sell the house and move on, There is a woman out there for you yet. Never give up on love.
2007-02-22 06:55:28 · answer #8 · answered by sparrowlover33 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm a woman and I agree with Eldude. This woman is a user. Don't drive yourself crazy trying to MAKE someone love you. There is someone out there who will die to make you happy. Hope you find her soon. When you do you'll forget about the one who ground your heart into sausage.
2007-02-22 06:36:41 · answer #9 · answered by Doll 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hate to say it, but i think ElDude has it about right. You are promising her you can change, and from what you've told us, you've already changed... into a doormat, and it wasn't good enough.
You are going to have a hard time finding yourself now.
2007-02-22 06:32:24 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋