All This talking was going on while I was at work (3rd Shift). Even though we live in GA and she lives in NJ. I lost a lot of trust in my husband for keeping this from, and every time I look at him I wonder if while he was in NJ did somthing happen between them. They both swear that they are only friends. But why did he have to hide it from me. Oh and by the way he did cheat on me with this girl when we first started dating. The calling has stoped but what should I do about our trust issue?
2007-02-22 06:10:29 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Don't listen to these people that are telling you that you are insecure and that it doesn't matter because she lives so far away. That's bull. If he is doing something behind your back that involves another woman -- especially someone he has cheated on you with in the past -- then he is cheating. He has broken your trust and unless he starts coming clean with you, it may be too late. If he is serious about making this work, he needs to become an open book. He needs to let you see his cell phone bill, his email account, etc. Once trust has been broken, it takes a hell of a lot to get it back. And if he's not willing to do what it takes, then drop him. You shouldn't have to live like that.
2007-02-22 07:59:09 · answer #1 · answered by Mel 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well your husband was most likely sneaking around to call this woman because he did cheat on you with her when you guys first started dating. He obviously knew that you wouldn't and shouldn't be okay with him talking to her, so he thought he could be sneaky and call her when you were at work. And it doesn't matter if they are 5 minutes away from eachother or 2,000+ miles, it's called RESPECT and as his wife you deserve that. Most likely you will always have insecurities about this woman because of your husbands prior infedelities with her, which is completely understandable. You will probably have a really hard time trusting your husband again, and in order for you to start trusting him again he has to prove to you that his words and actions are true, and he has to maintain that trust. Honestly I know it's easier said than done, I went through a similar situation, and to this day I question my husbands honesty at times. All I have to say is when something doesn't feel right or his stories don't make sense, trust your intuitions and check things out.
2007-02-22 08:02:00 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, this isn't an easy one: he cheated on you with her. That's a huge bad point... BUT: he is your husband. I know that, it has a serious impact on your trust. But, before you do anything stupid (calling an ex-boyfriend would be such a thing), consider this: how much this guy and your marriage is worth to you? If you say a lot or something like it: confront him, have a serious chat, clear up things. To rebuild the trust, it won't happen from one day to another. And yes, it's a lot of work (on both of your part..., especially his), but don't give up too easily.
2007-02-22 06:33:29 · answer #3 · answered by einsti2 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't think the trust issue you're having is wrong. There is no way that this guy is "Mr. Innocent." Why didn't he tell you? Why did he make the calls while you WEREN'T at home? Was he having phone sex with her? Jerk, you should just cut your losses and dump his sorry a** because he is up to no good and you stand to get hurt even more than he already has. Find a man who loves you, not a jerk who takes advantage of your good nature.
2007-02-22 06:18:12 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, the calling only stopped on the house phone or cell phone. Trust me....they are still communicating. If this is something that you can deal with..do it but seems to me like this isn't sitting with you to well. This computer community is really just for entertainment, and although some people provide good advice, only you can determine what you really need to do. Good luck and don't be a sucker for noone.
2007-02-22 06:21:23 · answer #5 · answered by toonice 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like it's time for a serious talk. Find out what his intentions are or have been and why he hasn't mentioned anything. How long has he known her and how long have you guys been married? Maybe it's also time for a marriage counselor. My male friends are married but I'm best/great friends with their wives so there couldn't be any questionable issues. It is also disprectful to you if they keep up the conversations and he not tell you for any reason. Let me know what happens!! Best wishes!
2007-02-22 06:20:02 · answer #6 · answered by suzlaa1971 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1 he cheated on you 2 you forgave him 3 he is cheating again 4 nothing he can say will bring trust back. So you have to understand he does not respect you.Cares less about your feelings. So ether accept him or leave & start a new life.You now what you have. Good luck
2007-02-22 06:28:04 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tough one! Do they have children together? Did you ask him what they talked about? If the calling stopped, maybe he stopped because it freaked you out.
The trust issue is soley your decision, trust him or leave him. Without trust you have nothing. Everyone has doubts, but if it continues to eat at you and you can't get over it..... maybe it's time to bring in a professional.
2007-02-22 06:21:39 · answer #8 · answered by Doll 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He broke the trust, so he has to be the one to gain it back. Don't let this keep you down, because it's not you, it's him. He is the one that can't seem to let his ex go. let him know that his is on a thin red line and he has to be careful what he does, because he could fall at any minute.
2007-02-22 06:50:35 · answer #9 · answered by Shay 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask him to stop if it's hurting your feelings. Truth be told, he should have more respect for you than to do that. It's all about communication in a marriage. Be honest about how you feel, or else you will only build up anger inside...and eventually it will come out in a big blow up.
2007-02-22 10:25:16 · answer #10 · answered by Bklyn.style 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋