How can I help my mom?

Question

Okay,I'm 21 years old.My sister's 30 & my brother's 28.Over the past 10 years my parents have been dealing with every thing you can think of with my brother & sister because they act irresponsibly.My brother's been in prison for about 2 years now.He's set to get out in a year,so my mom's worrying about trying to help him.She's been worrying really bad about my sister because of how she lives & treats her 3 kids.Yesterday my sister tried to overdose on pills & she's now been committed to a mental hospital by a physician.My sister's 3 children (ages 7,3, & 2 months) were just left at the house by themselves through this whole ordeal.A sheriff took my sister to the mental hospital which is about 2 hours away & just neglected to find anywhere for my nieces & nephew to go.Anyway,my mom has 2 of the children for an unknown amount of time.She seems really stressed,like she's about to have a breakdown.I work over 45 hours a week so I can't keep the kids all the time.How else could I help her?

I live in my own place, not at home, by the way.

Just because one cop wouldn't do that doesn't mean that I don't know what's going on. I was with my mom when she picked them up. They were in the house all alone. My 2 month old nephew was crying and my 7-year-old niece was trying to take care of him but she couldn't get his diaper changed. My 3-year-old niece was bugging her older sister. She kept saying to leave her alone because she was trying to concentrate. It's great that most cops don't do that, but this particular one did.

Answer 1

The best thing you can do is be there to help her and listen to her. she will sometimes say or do things that might not make sense or maybe even hurt your feelings but do understand that its going to be all the stress that she is in. I am not sure if your mother is working still or is just stay at home but what ever the case might be, try helping her out in the evenings when you get off of work. On the weekends you might take them out to the park or to a movie. There are several Dollar movies in my area so you might want to check to see if there is any where you live. Even if its only for a few hours that you have with the kids will help her to have some free time of here own. Don't feel bad if you ask other family members to help you out- cousins, aunt, uncles. that is what family is for. Families might not always get along but they love you no matter what. Try calling her before you come home from work and ask her if you can pick up a pizza or some chicken for dinner that way she doest have to cook. like i said, any little bit will help her out. I wish you and your family the best.

Answer 2

Check with your local county human resources dept, they may have either a reduced fee child care or free child care that your mom could utilize to free up some of her time. Your sister is probably in the best place for her, but your parents may need to get guardianship documents so that they can get your nieces and nephews medical care if needed. Your parents may also qualify for money from the county for caring for them while your sister is in treatment, food stamps or some other assistance. Was your sister getting child support from the children's father? If so, that should be coming to your parents. Caring for three young children can be stressful. Why don't you offer to babysit while your mom goes to the spa for a massage (all paid for by you). Maybe you could grocery shop for your mom so that she doesn't have to take all the kids with her for that. And sit down and have a long talk with your mom and let her know that as much as you know she loves your sister, brother and you, she needs to let each of you take responsibility for your lives and accept when you make mistakes and accept the consequences. Good luck and God Bless.

Answer 3

First off the police would not have left the kids only so you might what to make sure you know the whole scope on that. My brother is a cop so I know that doesn't happen.
Now as for helping your Mom; maybe help her to find a daycare that they can go to a couple of days a week to give her a break as well as to help the devolpe and grow.
Just be there for your mom and make sure that she stays healthy. It is hard when you have to take over for someone that is not making good choices, your sister. But just make sure that the kids are taken care of and loved. That they don't feel that any of this is their fault.
Good luck

Answer 4

Just by BEING THERE for her when you can. BUY her groceries or take the kids for ice cream every now and then to get them out of the house. LISTEN when she needs to talk and vent. KEEP YOUR OPINIONS of your siblings to yourself- you telling her how bad they are is not news to her but it is something she will have to face on her own. Also- if you blab to a neighbor or someone that might accidently let it slip to your mom then she will be wounded by you as well.

The best thing you can do is not to enable her.
Now a lot of people don't get this but if you are picking up the peices because she is helping the siblings then you are essentially enabling your siblings as well.
Decide what you will and will not do for your siblings and when mom needs her own medicine bought because she has spent all her money on your siblings and you buy the medicine for her then you are enabling the siblings.
At this point you need to gently remind your mom that her needs should come before the siblings or the grandkids- she should not be ridiculed fro helping them at her own demise but be firm so that it does not become a vicious cycle of her helping them and you helping her. If that happens you will burn out quickly and become very angry with your mom.

Answer 5

That great you want to help your through all of this. Maybe find out what the state can do to help. I'm sure just you being supportive is help enough but 45 hrs is alot of hrs for such a young person. Maybe you could cut your hrs a little maybe to 37 hrs a week so you could help with kids sometimes. If it would be a hardship because you live on your own and have to pay bills maybe you could see if other relatives could help out.

Answer 6

Your Parents Can only Do What They Can Do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now its time to allow their children to face the music
We all have compassion for the babies, however they did not ask to be born and if your sister can not keep it together to raise
what is hers, then foster care is a option, the other grandparents aunt and uncles must meet with your parents to see if temporary
custody with one of the family would be a option. Working together as a family unit with extended family and friends is a
option , seek wisdom and council from your minister, call legal aide to see about financial help.

Answer 7

try and contact your local counsling center. ask them about any free counsling they could offer your mom ( alot of places have this) she needs to realize that while they are her kids. their problems are not hers. if the kids are in danger. they have to find somewhere to go. Maybe they can find some good foster care? is there any other realitives that can help out. Aunts Uncles. When your brother gets out, he needs to get a job ASAP. even if its just flippin burgers to help pay the bills. Sit down and tell your mom that you are there for her whatever happens. Knowing that she has you backing her up and supporting her mentally might give her some added strenght. GOOD LUCK

Answer 8

Your mom is under a lot of stress and she's probably feeling like she has failed as a mother. Give her incouragement and lots of it. Call her daily to let her know you love her. Send her away for the day to a spa..or something similar. Make it a weekend day and take the kids for the entire day.......... The little things matter a lot.

Answer 9

help her find an affordable daycare durring the day, if $$ doesnt allow that i would call the state...your mom did her part raising yall the best she could she should not have to do it again at her age. I would bring your mom's stress to the attention of your brother and sister...open there eyes to what they are doing to her....i hope everything works out i wish you luck!

Answer 10

I think you can help her by switching to a different job with less work time. that way, you can help take care of her kids and still get a pay. i also suggest that if you take my advice your job should be close to your mothers house so it is a short walk or drive away.