what can you do when you find that you are begging for your husband's love?? begging to be loved?

Question

begging to feel you are wanted?? begging to hear a loving word? even begging for an intimate relationship? however you are only married for 2 years now, would you ask for divorce? and if you have a 6 months old baby?? what can you do. I talked and talked but it seems that he's not even listening!!! he doesn't care for my feelings or even thnk about it anymore, I did my best to attract his attention till I'm fed up, I even threatened I'll leave but in vain, I told him I'll seek for love elsewhere but as if he doesn't hear me, what can I do???

Answer 1

You start by asking your husband to explain what he is doing to demonstrate love.

It is quite possible he does love you, but expresses it in a much different way than you would like.

Next, you appreciate that he does love you and has his own style.

Then you ask him if he would like to be more effective, have his love hit the bullseye more often. If he does, then teach him ONE thing he can do that does this.

Start with one.

Finally, offer to do the same for him, explain how you show love, ask him how he would best like to recieve love from you, and then do that one thing he says, no questions asked.

Then, periodically, you each add a new action that the other wants.

Don't assume that just because he doesn't do what you want him to do that he doesn't love you.

He may think the same thing about you if you are not doing the loving things he wants to recieve.

Answer 2

You should change your approach. From what I'm reading, you have probably "begged" so much that your husband has just tuned you out. Threats are basically ineffective and mean nothing unless you follow through. Has he always been like this? What were things like when you first married?

I'm trying to put myself in your husband's place. While you have some valid concerns, ask yourself what your husband's motivation is to give you the love and attention you crave so much. When you first noticed the change, did you calmly ask him what was going on? Did you pay attention to his body language? Is there a difference between his perception of adequate attention and yours? Have you given him a chance to respond to you or do you continue to beg him and wait for a response? Just because you don't get a response doesn't necessarily mean he's not listening; it may mean that he doesn't feel he has been given a chance to give a thoughtful response.

Quietly and calmly ask your husband to consider marriage counseling. Let him know that you want to find a way for the two of you to communicate better. Discuss it as a mutual benefit, not just something you want to do because you feel unloved. His response may surprise you. If he chooses not to go, go by yourself.

Because you're not talking, you can't make any assumptions about what he's thinking, feeling or whether or not he cares. Take a deep breath, calm down, back off and find a counselor. The first three steps will go a long way to addressing your situation.

Answer 3

Like lot's of the people have said, don't beg. Makes you look less of a human, and more like a dog begging for the owner to pay some attention to it. Second, this isn't about you and him anymore, you mentioned you have a 6 month old baby. Is this the type of environment that you want your kid growing up in? Seeing his/her mom treated like she is nothing, and seeing her beg just to get some attention. What kind of role model would that be? You want your child to grow up away from this environment, and if you don't do something soon, it won't change and your child will probably see things later on that it shouldn't.

I know ladies that had just had a kid (and had a couple already), who just got up, went and got a divorce. Remember, you're not alone, you have friends and family. At first, it was really hard for them, they felt like it was just them, but now, they are doing better then what they were doing back then. Some, are happily remarried, other are living their life to the fullest, travelling around the world. Don't be scared of the unknown. You and your child deserve better.

Also, remember, your life is your little reality tv show, and if he wants to be in it, he has to earn a spot in it, and obviously, he isn't doing enough. There are more people that would love to be a part of your reality kid or no kid.

Answer 4

I would talk to him and let him know that the marriage is on the line. You do not want to stay in a marriage and feel the way you already feel. If he's not willing to meet your your needs or even try that is not a good sign for you. I understand were you are coming from and believe me get out while your child is still young cause it only get harder for you to leave his or her daddy when theyget older. You have time to figure out what you need and want to do. But dont wait to long!! I would leave for a weekend with your baby or go out of town, stay at a friend or family members house for a couple days.. If you and your baby aren't home and when he is home when your not there, hopefully he will realize its not fun to be alone or if you do divorce he'll realize that the baby wont be around him has much.. just a suggestion.. GOOD LUCK!!

Answer 5

First of all, stop with the ultimatums, the threats, AND the begging. That's very immature, and it's emotional manipulation. You say that you talked & talked but it seems he's not even listening - have you LISTENED to him? Please read "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. It's very possible that your husband has a different way of showing love than you do. What was his home environment like growing up? Did his family express love, or was it just "understood" that they loved each other. Also, how long has this been going on? SInce you were married, or just since the baby was born? Some men have issues when it comes to children - even if it's their own children. They sometimes feel like they've been replaced. ASK him how HE feels. If he won't talk to you, ask him if he'll go to counseling with you.

Answer 6

Lets just say,"Men are Men!". I am sorry that you are going through a difficult time right now, but I think the best you can do now is to think for your little one. Because I think no one deserves more than your precious baby at this moment.

Back to the man. If talking is of no use, then it's about time you finally put action to your words. But then again, consider carefully how it affects the three of you when the both of you finally calls it quits!

Answer 7

Well for one...Stop with the idle threats.... He knows you'll not leave or find someone else.... So get a back bone and get on with it... In other words don't just say it, DO IT !!! Nobody should have to beg for anything in life..There are plenty of others who would give willingly.....And remember..NO self-pity....

Answer 8

i feel your husband feel trap and that not good also you need love as while some time baby are hard to deal with but you got to remember the baby is made up from both of you and the baby is a bless form god and you should court your bless maybe a time out will jump start your husband i hope so good luck i have 5 kids and i happy as hell i love my babys

Answer 9

Actions speak louder than words. Why do you repeat doing the same thing over and over and over again when it did not work in the first place? Think about this.

Answer 10

give him shock treatment; go stay with a family member for 24 hrs while he is at work and don't leave a note.....call him when he comes home and tell him....."see this lonely empty, quiet house? this is how it is going to be from now on if you don't change. I'll be home when you're ready to change for your wife and your newborn baby damn it."