And now that guy that I was with before I met my husband wants back in my life. I seperated from my husband because he was abusive to me and I'm pregnant. My ex..whom I was with for a year or so and was engaged to and never lost feelings with has offered to step up to the plate as a dad and anything I want him to be with me. Should I allow him to do that when the baby is born? Or until I can get the divorce to go through should I wait, because I really still do I have feelings for my ex, and no it's not because I left my husband either, I have just never been able to get over him. Then when my husband started getting abusive, I knew I needed to leave then.
My husband has expressed since I am leaving him that he wants nothing to do with the child. So do you think it's okay that I allow my ex to be in the babies life when it's born? Because I do plan on getting back with him after my divorce goes through. Do you think I am doing right? My ex still has feelings for me as well.
2007-02-22 04:47:49 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The baby is my husbands, no doubt about it. The reason I left my ex was because I was joining a branch of the service and I didn't want to put him through it all. And while I was gone I "fell" in love with the guy I married. I am not doing anything with my ex right now, I am at my duty station and my ex is 8 hrs away from here.
2007-02-22 05:43:59 · update #1
Hi,ok first of all think about why you did not end up with your ex in the first place.By your description he sounds like a very mature man wanting to take care of you and your baby once he/she is born.Wether you and your husband are divorced or not (yet) does not really matter he made it clear he wants nothing to do with you or the baby.This is a vulnerable time for you being pregnant
and going through a divorce ,I truly feel for you.Give your self some time before you jump into anything.Tell your ex you need time, if he loves you he will understand.
I am so glad you got out of this marriage ,men like that deserve nothing in life!I'm being polite you don't need me to tell you what the sicko deserves but anyway.
I would say follow your heart but it sounds like your heart needs alittle mending before you do ,so take it easy
and think about yourself.Once your baby is born you will know what to do.LOTS OF LUCK WITH EVERYTHING!
2007-02-22 05:16:19 · answer #1 · answered by selma b 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am aware of cases like this where a pregnant woman had a new boyfriend during a divorce, and when the baby came, put new boyfriend's name on the birth certificate as the father.
I can see where you might be tempted to do that. Just be aware of the fact that by doing that, you would probably be depriving you and the baby of child support and medical insurance from the biological father.
I know that the boyfriend is saying that he wants to be a father for the baby, which is great. But he can do that without letting the biological father off the hook for child support. It is very expensive to raise a child, and the baby deserves child support from his or her biological father.
You may feel that between the boyfriend and yourself, you are well able to support the three of you. But what if one of you loses your job? If you never need the money, great, put it in an account and use it for college for the baby and for counseling for the baby when he or she becomes an adolescent and is wondering why the biological dad has never visited.
Good luck.
2007-02-22 05:07:17 · answer #2 · answered by Tricia R 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to take some time for you and your unborn child. I would also recommend NOT DOING ANYTHING with your ex until your divorce is final. You husband could be saying he doesn't want anything to do with the child but be using that to hopefully gain custody when the child is born. Also - you don't know what the future holds for you and this other man...there are no guarantees. Take some time for you during this I am very sure emotional time. If this guy is the right one he will be there when the time is right but right now you need to do what is best for you and that protect yourself and this baby from your husband if he is abusive. You would not want him to have a reason to take you to court and fight for custody. Good Luck to you!!!
2007-02-22 05:24:40 · answer #3 · answered by Bama Girl 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey there! I am going to advise you to do whatever your heart is telling you to do. Go to who can make you happy. Don't ever be afraid to make your own choices in life.
Your husband is abusive, so why let him be the dad of your baby. Anyone can be a father, but not everyone can be a dad.
If your ex is serious about wanting to step up to the plate, give him a chance, he may amaze you.
2007-02-22 04:51:49 · answer #4 · answered by Torey♥ 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You wouldn't be asking US if you weren't extremely nervous or uncomfortable about something. Something isn't right. It's that you're going from one guy to the next right away and you don't know how your husband is really going to react once your actually split and the baby is here, and I know, trust me....from experience...he will change, become more violent, want you back or try to ruin things for your new boyfriend. Advice? take time for yourself for at least 6 mos. before you get in the new relationship or at least just date your ex but don't get serious right away, that spells trouble.....
2007-02-22 04:52:53 · answer #5 · answered by Virgo 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
First off i don't know when your baby is due but its very hard to get a divorce when your pregnaut. You better keep your relationship with your ex on the download cause your husband can charge you with adultery and even say the baby is not his, and can make your life miserable.
2007-02-22 04:56:37 · answer #6 · answered by Denny O 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like you have your future planned out. Great ??
Did you marry your husband because you where pregnant ??
I am just wondering why you would marry when you still cared for your ex boyfriend ? Why did you break up with him ??
Please consider all of this and if you are satisfied with your answers and have thought all of this through thoroughly then
I say, you are so lucky to have this man waiting to pick up the pieces, and Good Luck & Gods Blessings to you two and this precious little one. GO FOR IT ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Jill
2007-02-22 05:12:19 · answer #7 · answered by Jill ❤'s U.S.A 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all WHO is the father of this pregnancy? If it is your husband he doesn't get off that easily by saying he wants nothing to do with it. If he is the father then the very first thing YOU have to do is to do right by the child and file for child support. Your husband doesn't have to have anything to do with the child but he does have to support his offspring. As for what you do it doesn't matter
2007-02-22 04:58:47 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would wait for the divorce to be final. As far as your husband he is responsible for the baby he made it. He has to pay child support for it by law. I would rake his butt all over the court for support for you and the baby. You did not ask to be abused he choose to abuse you. Good luck!!!
2007-02-22 04:55:07 · answer #9 · answered by red1967 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your ex loves you enough to love your child as his own even though he isn't the father, the guy sounds like a real class act. Why wouldn't you let him? Its easy to be a Father it takes work to be a Dad.
2007-02-22 04:53:06 · answer #10 · answered by tiemetight814 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋