Does society make women less able to appreciate guys sexually?

Question

Naturally, I want my girlfriend desires me sexually. I hope that the sight of my body arouses her, that she feels fortunate to have sex with me, and that she desires me often.
But our society seems to encourage the reverse happens. As a guy, I have been conditioned by society to desire females and their bodies, to appreciate them aesthetically, and to easily and often desire sex with them. My ability to appreciate sex and women has been nurtured and maximized. But females are conditioned differently. Girls learn more about resisting or even fearing sex than about appreciating it. Women grow up with messages that sex is something men desire, and that sex diminishes women, and that it is something women “give” instead of take. There is little encouragement for women to desire men. And it doesn’t help that our society focuses more on penis jokes than it does on promoting the intimacy and beauty of men’s bodies. I feel screwed over by these powerful social influences.

I go to the gym all the time, but I will never get the reaction from women that women get from men.
I gotta reply to Bonzia Betty. Women get just as much out of sex as men do, they are not just having something taken from them. And every guy I know is MORE likely to continue a relationship with a woman if they have been intimate.

Answer 1

You are a rare man and any woman is lucky to have someone who cares so much. Most men don't though - they just want women for self gratification and housework. Women believe this because it is what they experience - if there were more men like you things might change but until then...

Answer 2

Those social influences were designed to protect a woman and her family from ruin, in the event that a man decided to commit fornication with her. Men have never cared about whether or not they were gonna leave a woman in ruin. They would sooner see her killed, before doing the right thing and marrying her instead of taking something from her. Men still do that today, its a sick game being played where a large portion of men wont buy the cow if they have already had the milk for free. This is sick, then they wonder why women are holding out for marriage and guarding their virginity. In todays society, women still dont have the freedom of having sex with as many men as they want without being considered a used up wh*re. Men will even admit that it turns them off when a woman has had too many partners. If women are to enjoy sex for what it is and take pleasure in all that it delivers, they will need the freedom to act on these desires rather than being fearful that society will pounce on them and label them something they dont want to be labeled.

Answer 3

I don't know if society makes women less able to sexually appreciate men, but I would have to say that it makes it inappropirate for a women to openly express her sexuality. In the forum letters I've read from penthouse magazine, it seems that any involving a man encountering a sexually aggressive woman seem stunned that such a woman exists, as if they found one of a select few that are out there. I feel that since women are exposed to the messages that sex diminishes women they must feel that it is wrong to desire something that supposedly lessens them. I also believe that the whole myth about sex diminishing women comes from the social idea that women are supposed to be submissive to men in all regards, sex included. That and the way that porn objectifies a certain type of woman, so women are given the impression that in order to be desireable sexually is to look like a centerfold instead of appreciating their beauty.

Answer 4

I believe that this view has come about because women are the ones who must “wear the badge” so to speak when they become pregnant. A woman can’t just have a sexual encounter and walk away – they have to consider that they may walk away pregnant where as a man can just walk away.

Now granted, not all men do that, but the man has a choice where the woman doesn’t.

A woman can make a choice – to have sex or not. Once she makes the choice to have sex, she must accept the consequences and wait for her period to confirm that she’s not pregnant. A man can have sex and IF a pregnancy results THEN make the choice to accept responsibility or not. The woman accepted responsibility when she said yes to sex.

It is because women have this entrenched concern that we don’t try to see men as sex objects – we have to curb our desire.

Furthermore, it doesn’t help that men are rarely portrayed as sex objects while we are inundated by pictures of scantily clad women practically everywhere. Perhaps if men were more often displayed as sex objects, that would help your plight.

Answer 5

Great question. I agree with everything you said here, as this has crossed my mind before as well.

Ladies, you all should answer this since you know this firsthand.

Why do women act like (or try to act like) men are disgusting and unattractive?

Nowadays it's becoming more and more common for women to say they find women attractive but not men. Why not? Perhaps these women have also succumbed to society's perception that only women are beautiful, even though that notion is intended for heterosexual men. Also, many women are stuck up and want to have the "power shift" as far as sex is concerned, in their favor.

Alot of women seem to not realize, or not want to realize, or simply not care, that men like to be desired too. It seems in this society it is only the man that has to cater to the woman's needs, and always has take the initiative and show he likes her.

EDIT: Also, to "Up your... nose" below... you keep saying "sex object" of how men might be viewed by women. Being "appreciated sexually" and being seen as a "sex object" are not one in the same. The latter is more-or-less demeaning. I think most people would like to be appreciated sexually. Also, it's a false statement to say men don't work out as much as women, when in fact surveys and statistics in Time Magazine show that men get more physical activity than women and are less likely to be overweight.

Answer 6

I think it's because men being portrayed as sex objects are less. Actually, women are conditioned as well, how do you explain men who are considered "hot" by women as having a well-built body and a tan? It's only because women are constantly reminded to look good and men aren't, so there are more women who are better groomed so there is more "appreciation" of women while there are less men who groom themselves and work out. If you just take a look on the streets, beautiful women are aplenty with the help of the right hair and makeup, while there are lesser men who look good because they are not reminded to do so as often as women.

So I believe as time goes by, men will be portrayed as sex objects more often with the empowerment of women, and soon women will be more sexually liberated and it's not them who are always seen as "sluts".

Answer 7

why do you not want to wax? im actually an aesthetician in a spa lol I do bikini/brazilian waxing for many many people. i know it sounds embarrassing and all, but ive seen so many women for waxing it doesnt even bother me anymore. If you dont want to wax you could always shave, downside with that is of course you will grow back spikey and sometimes since its a tender area, you could bleed, and you can only shave every few days because the hair is more coarse and so shaving too often will cause redness and bumps. Products like nair, which are called chemical epilators somewhat work, but they sting, really really badly, and thats just using them on arms and legs, so a big word of caution to that. if you however have a large sum of money just lying around you can always look into getting laser hair removal, and this does, to an extent, hurt, but not as much as waxing or nair products. its not painful, you just feel a burning sensation from the heat of the laser. laser is expensive and does take a few sessions to complete but its pretty much permanent and hassle free. with shaving, if you chose to do so, make sure you use plenty of shaving cream, and make sure you put light lotion on afterwards too, because the skin in that area will dry out and flake. let me know how it goes!

Answer 8

i think you're onto something... society sends mixed messages to both genders, but it tends to send very confusing ones to women regarding sex. if a woman is 'sexually liberated' meaning here that she enjoys sex, she is often coined a s!ut. at the same time, there are images and attitudes everywhere sexualizing women, telling them that their only value is their sexual appeal & behavior. so they are basically told, your only worth is for sex, but if you have sex you're worthless. ! how confusing is that! and frustrating.

Answer 9

Great question, and great thoughts Divers. You have basically asked a question that I have pondered, so I thank you for bringing it up. You made up the point with all of the media pictures of women, that it was intended for straight men, but women have been influenced from it as well. It seems like women are chameleons or something, and shift to what is shown, instread of having a basis of attraction. I don't care if things were flipped upside down, and chiseled, good lookin men were shown.

I coul perhaps say that guys are just as attractive as women from an objective standpoint. But, I could not find myself saying dudes are more attractive, because I feel that I would be contradicting myself, because if is women I am attracted to and lust for, and it is their form that is one of the things that attract me (visuall, physical appearance, aesthetics). I thought straight people found the opposite sex attractive physically, visually, aesthetically. So, I can't help, but to wonder what the sexual attraction really is, because it doesn't seem it's from the appearance standpoint. I can't help to think now, that it is all emotion, chemistry, or the reason men's bodies are attractive to women is just because of the sex act or what the body can do "for her" i.e penetration, or physical strength, rough sex.

Therefore, attracted to the body for it's style of sex and the preference from there; therefore, not genuinely attracted or find the body attractive in itself. Beautiful and attractive can be two different things, because beauty seems to infer a pureness, elegance, grace. But I thought attractive meant what attracts a person's eye with it's form; therefore, it can be subjective. Therefore, how do women truly be attracted to men, when they find women more attractive? Unless it was what I already stated. The attraction seems reflective or introverted with women. I also can't understand how men say dudes are ugly. I mean I know why they say it, because of the heterostandpoint, kind of. But, what must they think of themselves? That made me think, as bad women seem to feel about their bodies, it seems like more men than they think truly believe it as a fact.

Some women say things to continue to be encouraged or get attention, but I don't think most really think there bodies are "ugly" or except it as an indesputable fact like some men. That is not good. The thing is that guys don't talk about it, because they don't concern themselves as much about it like women. But, also because of the narrow masculine code in society, that insists that real men aren't supposed to feel this way or talk about this stuff, but just stuff these feelings inside and let it rot in there. But, I think it's just human to want to feel desired and truly attractive in itself, and this applies to men, because we are obviously human beings who have feelings even though, we tend to hold them inside. I can't help to think in the broad scheme that this scale is quite lopsided. I as a man feely women are the sexiest things in the world in every sense of how their form. But, I don't get this sense for women towards men, and yet they find guys attractive, but it seems kind of lukewarm, or they also feel this way towards women, so basically the male appearance is really nothing much in the broad spectrum, when even straight women feel this way.

Then add this to the pressure of sexual performance for men, and the inadequacy feeling that can come from that, even with the most well endowed guys. Plus other stuff. I have to say it does kind of hurt, when I see this and see that women seem to feel this way or perceive things in such a way.

Up your nose, I actually believe that more guys are working out and hitting the gym than in the past previous years. I remember finding statistics of the increase and it does seem that more and more gyms and fitness centers are getting more packed, so I think more and more guys are working out. What do you mean groomed, you mean guys getting rid of excessible hair. I think there are more guys than you think that groom, not too much, but just to not look like a slob. What about facial hair, obviously, yhu don't want a guys bear to be burly, and look like that of the singer for ZZ top, but I think most guys shave or have some facial hair. I have a beard and mustache, but it's neatly trimmed, and it's kind of inbetween a five o' clock shadow, and pure beard as far as length is considered. Don't forget, I think guys are lucky in the sense that they don't need makeup to look attractive, so we don't care for that, and it doesn;t really affect us anyway. I don't think many women need makeup either, but they seem to feel that they do. I think their face is naturally beautiful.