Any suggestions for having a husband, that criticize you,always puts you down,doesn't have any respect for

Question

your feelings at all, how does one stand up for themselves?

Most of you who have answered have helped, so much, thank you. But even if I do and have gotten smart back, he could care less. And trust me I can tell. He's just one who also can dish it out but can't take it.

Answer 1

other than the obvious answer of leaving the creep try giving him his own medicine. i know someone whose hubby always told everyone he never gets sex. she asked him repeated to stop. he didn't so the next time he said it she told them it was because he was lousy in bed. he never said it again.

Answer 2

Heres your answer, short & sweet!

Start silently watching him & all the things he does wrong or that he's not so good at & keep a mental record. Next time he starts in on you, just mention something he did wrong or not well & see how he likes it. More then likely his first reaction won't be apparent or visiable for you to witness.
It may seem like what you've said to him had no effect or bareing on him whatsoever but I guarantee you it did.
This is what my bf used to do to me & I couldn't understand why I was so depressed & felt useless. Then I got smart & started watching him & his faults. Next the arguing came & I started in on him just as he had so many times before with me. Just one piece of smart advice, always fight fair. I believe Dr.Phil is the one who came up with that saying.

Now when my bf chooses to argue with me, I happen to point out the finer things that are not so perfect with him. This in turn shows him that no one is perfect in everything or anything they do, we are all human. Now my bf does or says these things when he's loosing an argument with me, he'll walk quietly & hide in his room, or state that he doesn't want to argue with me anymore or do the most honorable thing & admit the truth with a smile & apologize.

Good Luck
Nicole

Answer 3

It's called D-I-V-O-R-C-E !!!!! No one needs to put up with this type of abuse in their lives. People, such as your husband, treat people like that because they don't like themselves very much, so they take it out on others. I call it mental abuse. Stand up on your own two feet & show yourself & him, that you will no longer allow him to abuse you this way. He isn't going to change unless he goes for help. You know better about the possibilities of that happening. You deserve to be happy, so don't allow him to use you as a doormat any longer. I would start plannning my life without him & seek legal advice. If you don't have the money to do so, check into the court house to see if the magistrate will advise you for free. (I had to do this once) If your husband says he'll change, chances are, he won't, but will tell you that, just to get you to stay. Don't fall for it. Remember, God helps those who help themselves. Good luck!

Answer 4

About all that you can do in a situation like that is learn to stand up for yourself. Talk back to him and see what happens. Let him know that you don't like what he is doing to you. I went through that with my first husband. I would talk back to him but it only made things worse for me. Maybe things would be better if you could leave and start over. I did eventually get divorced because I knew that nothing would ever change for me and there had to be something more to life than arguing. I am doing better being divorced.

Answer 5

I've dealt with enough verbal abuse in my life that I honestly don't tolerate it. It sounds like yes, that it's time to take a stand by stating something like "If you talk to me that way again, I won't be sticking around". I've heard people do it and it does work. I think it depends on how much you want to put up with. Plus, it's also one of those things that you know when you've had enough and do something about it. That's only determined by how you feel etc. Men who act like that are in it for power control and to make them selfs look/feel better .Let me know what you decide to do! You deserve to be in a healthy relationship!

Answer 6

A lot of times when someone criticizes someone else it is because they have very low self-esteem themselves. You need to have a good long talk with your husband about how these things make you feel. Perhaps counselling would help him to realize that he is worthy of your love and then he would be able to let go of the issues he's dealing with. You could seek counselling from a local church pastor or your local health department often has mental health counselors (marriage counselling falls under this area) and sometimes they have reduced fees if your financial situation doesn't allow for a lot of counselling (check with your health insurance, counselling is sometimes covered under this and they can refer you to someone). Just standing up for yourself doesn't actually get to the heart of the problem because this isn't really about you. Good luck and God Bless.

Answer 7

Um violet pearl, you should change your "IF" part of your answer to "IS".
He is abusive (verbally & mentally) & if youre asking this question, you know the answer but your wanting others to convince you or your wanting some kind of attention (not meant in a rude or bad way).
From the info youve given; it seems that you know you should have some defense mechanisim but its been broken down. Get your family involved or very close friends...statistics show that it will progress into physical abuse so be careful. There are people that care about you & your well being (& ESPECIALLY if children are involved).
E-mail me if you need someone or want some websites to help you along the way.

Answer 8

Go to legal aide in your town and get an order of protection agains't your husband. Next change the locks and file for child support if you have kids. No Woman, NO WOMAN, should put up with physical and mental abuse from there partner.File for a divorce now. Do you want to go on with a life like this.........There are alot more men out there who would love to be with a caring woman like yourself. Don't feel sorry for yourself,get control and get the bum out of your life now.Good luck.

Answer 9

Do it back to him and see how he feels. If he is unhappy with you for doing that, point out to him that if it hurts his feelings, then why does he think it is okay for him to do that to you.

Also, you could make a list of what he says and then sit down with him and talk to him about it. If he won't listen, you need to get marriage counselling. If he won't go to counselling you need to get out of the marriage because it is tearing you down and lowering your self esteem and you don't deserve than. No one does.

Answer 10

my husband was about the same but he changed alot, after i caught him cheating on me, he decided to change and he is not an angel but i just said if you can i can too, we might have differet body parts but i think anyone will respect me and appreciate me the way iam if you dont like it someone else will love it. i think this changed his mind sence i said it like if it was for real. he still asks me if iam cheating on him but i say what do you think, and just leave the blank there, he just to tell me that i was dum, and that i needed spycological help, and the worst one you need a makeover and another your crazy, but i turned the question around and he now belives that its him, iam a 30 yr old mother of two and look fantastic, i suggest for you to love yourself, you know why? because your special and there is no one else in the world like you, sounds too selfish but its true if you dont love your self he will continue on doing what he is doing, just remember when he is criticizing you just remember to count to 10 (I know its not easy but try it) or try to use the inside Ipod moment(ignoring what he says and turn on your inside music) the more attention you put to him when he is hurting you the more he is going to do it, he just wants attention or to hurt you,

And REMEMBER

LOVE YOUR SELF, AND THERE IS NO ONE LIKE YOU IN THE WORLD YOUR SPECIAL, AND TURN THAT INSIDE IPOD MUSIC ALL THE WAY, it works, my sis-inlaw had the same problem, but my bro is in the army, and i just talked to her and gave her the same answer and she is now more confident about her self and he appreciates her more because he likes the way she looks now more bright and confident (out of the shadow).

Answer 11

one can only try! I'm sorry to hear your going through this,I go through the same thing,but I'm not gonna be for too much longer.My husband has been treating me like **** for the past 13 yrs.& thats 13 yrs too long! so my suggestion to you is to tell him to either shape up or youre shipping out!