In-laws in the way of happiness?

Question

Ive been married for more than 10yrs, and my in-laws are always in the way asking for stuff, how can I give my husband the hint with out a fight that this is turning our relationship down, everytime this happens i just try to put more space in between us, so he can work with them in what ever they want not need but want, so i dont get hurt but i always end up getting hurt (Heart), and everytime i say dont help them anymore they are already adults, it turns to a fight, I just cant handle it anymore i just cant, it seems to me that they win over me all the time, when i need something or want something I am the one that has to wait until we can afford it, at a certain point i had to put a needed medical procedure on the side becauce we didnt had the money and they needed that money, Well sometimes I think the only way to divorce his family is by divorcing him? and I dont want that to happen, I love him so much and my kids love their father, dont know anymore I need some help, PLEASE HELP!

in this matter is his brother not his mom well really rare that his mom will ask him for something

Answer 1

Ms. Kitty, inlaws are just people,dont let them run your life. You didn't marry them, so your life is yours alone not theirs. Mine is more sickening, so finally last December I wash my hands from them. Talk to your hubby privately and tell him that its getting to you now, and you can see that if they don't leave you alone,things will goes other way around. If your hubby do not respond to your issue,then you know where you stand with him,but be tough and strong,for your own sanity..........goodluck love.........

Answer 2

That is a tough situation your in, sounds as if your husband is putting his parents priorities over your own family needs, that is messed up. I have a friend who does the same thing with her mother, the mother needs to get her act together, and take care of herself, and quit relying on the her, but it hasn't happened so far, and sorry to say it probably won't happen for you either, your husband for some reason is feeling some sort of responsibility towards his parents, wether they make him feel guilty or wether obligation, and that is sad that the parents are doing this to you guys. What can you do? Well, like you said your husband just ends up hurting you and siding with them, all you can do is prepare for the next time, and save a lot of money for all of you I guess, I know it isn't right but what else can you do besides divorce him? Maybe you should tell your husband hey how about we put up a account and put away X amount of dollars for your parents each month, so next time they need money we will have it put aside for them, this might make him feel like your being sarcastic, but what the heck I would probably be sarcastic by now too if I was you. And he might look at it and think how ridiculous it is to do this, which might get your point across. But on the other hand he might like the idea, and just think about it this way at least you know it the money will be there just in case, or should I say when it happens again. Good luck to you.

Answer 3

Wow, He love you just as much as you love him right? If so...bring some divorce papers home. Leave them in plan sight. If he asks why are they here.Tell him,for the same reason we fight.That's it, let him figure it out. See what he says.Let him think long and hard about this. He is risking his immediate family. I'm sure he doesn't want you and the kids to leave. Don't say another word about what the in-laws want. When they want a $1000. You take out a $1000 and put it into your children's account.They need it too...for many things now and in the future. Oh make sure he does not have access to the children's account.
He will soon get the point with out you saying a word.

Answer 4

I can understand what you are going through I have been married for 6 years and my father n law says jump and my husband does whatever it is that is needed. It has gotten bad at times. My husband is always worried about what his father might think. So I have gotten to the point that everytime my husband does for his father I dont do for him. I have stopped doing his laundry and when I make dinner I only make enough for me and the kids not for him. But when he is caring for us he gets all of those things. So I hope that this helps. Best of luck to you.

Answer 5

10 years of living with this man shows that you love him but i think its a matter of you wanting to be the most important person in his life and wanting him to stand up to his parents for you and that places the burden on your husband of being in the wrong no matter what way he goes.his parents are important to him and that would be a wonderful lesson for your children,there is no winning this battle if you do then all you have done is make your husband turn his back on his parents and with time that will make him resent you for his loss. how would you deal with someone wanting your children to turn from you? try thinking of it from that point of view and you might come to a better understanding of how this plays out for his parents.i too was a daughter-in-law married into a very close family it was tough and we divorced after 12 years but i promise you it was nothing to do with his family he was a wonderful son and a wonderful father and watching him with his mother and father had alot to do with the way my sons look at their relationship with us as parents and their spouses.my mother said to me once a daughter is a daughter all her life a son is a son till he takes a wife but i have learned 4 sons later thats not always true.....

Answer 6

Your husband is putting his parents in front of you. Put your foot down and demand that you and your children come first.
If he's not willing to put you first, then leave him. It will be difficult but at least you will know that the person you're with (yourself) is worth it.
Remember that your children are learning about marriage. They are seeing the example that is being set and will likely look for the same in their future relationships. Do you want that for them?
Good luck. And by the way, your husband sounds like a wuss. You can do better, even by yourself.

Answer 7

Sorry honey. You husband just needs to learn that by him constantly holding out a hand for his brother, his brother is only going to continue the cycle. His brother needs to learn to take care of himself financially. I know it's hard to turn family down, but sometimes it has to be done so the person can grow and support themselves.

My mom has money issues. She loves to gamble and now may not have a place to stay. My sisters and I all agree that if we put a roof over her head she will not be responsible and pay her share of the rent, so she gets to learn to take care of herself instead of relying on others (men, family, welfare) to take care of her.

Your husband sounds like a good man. Do you really want him out of your life because of his brother?

Answer 8

It really sounds like your Love is still spoiled. Your Happiness overflows with children, so does anger or injury to the heart. Me, I would find a way to put him in a situation where he will HAVE to make a decision. Being a Christian, I would recommend meeting with a Minister or Pastor, believer or not, Faith overcomes all things. May God Bless you and your Love.

Answer 9

Depending on what state you are in..... the average amount of alimony is $150 for each year of marriage.. that's 150 x 10..... then you would have child support on top of that... The state would not take more that 25% of his GROSS income... not his take home pay.. but his before tax pay.....

Throw those numbers at him and see what he has to say!!!!

My problem was with MY family... My husband wanted to give money to MY family... I said... DON'T DO IT... he didn't listen to me.. I told him we would neve see any of this "loan" back....... 18 years later.... not one dime.

I told him if he ever loaned nother cent to them he would be sleeping with them.

He needs to decide who his family is... you and his children or his parents and his siblings... when you married.. you became his family.. they are his relatives now.

You need to buy him a pair of scissors so he can cut the umbillical cord.

Answer 10

The happiness subject is a normal one. regulations put in place shield you from having human beings do terrible issues to you. throughout this variety it protects your happiness. (till, of direction, you get your happiness from doing poor issues to human beings.) the liberty subject is a splash tougher. regulations limit movements, as a result, with the aid of definition regulations limit our freedom. there is not any way around that one. you should argue that regulations furnish a similar rights and privileges to everybody to be certain that all of us have a similar point of freedom. Out of desperation you additionally can enhance the regulations abolishing slavery, regulations granting unfastened speech, and regulations ensuring due technique which permits you to maintain your unfastened will and a real looking degree of freedom.