Help I need some Advice from other mommies please!!!?

Question

I dont know how to forgive him or let it go. I need to just lay it out and see what anyone else thinks. It is probably something stupid to others but to me it is a big deal. So here goes. My sister n law and I were pregnant at the same time(she is my brothers wife.) She had here baby on the 24th of March and She had a little girl I had my baby on the 6th of June and this all happened in 2006. So there is the beginning of the story. First of all this was her first baby and I gave her her baby shower and I spent a good 300.00 dollars on the shower with everything that I did.( and I never even got a thank you but that is something different) But when she had her little girl we went to the hospital to see her baby and when we left they asked us to come back later so that she could get some rest(she had a c-section) So we left and went home well we never got a chance to go back to the hospital so my husband order them pizza and had it deleivered to the hospital. Then the next morning we got up and went back to the hospital to see her and the baby and on the way there my husband stopped at the store and bought the baby an outfit to take to the hospital and he also stopped and got coffee for her and my brother and then we went to the hospital. Now here is my half of hte story I I went to the hospital to get induced(this was baby number 4 for us) I was in labor for three hours and I did it with no drugs then we went to our room and we had lunch then people came to the hospital to visit then we had dinner then time past and then my brother and his wife(the ones that had the baby in march) came to visit and they brough me and the baby nothing. Then after they left my husband decided that he was going to go home and sleep at home(he slept at the hospital with the others) I was fine with that and he said that he would come to the hospital early. Then 9am rolled around and I had to call him and wake him up to come to the hospital. And then he got there and we drank hospital coffee and then we went home and I have been doing everything ever sense. So the problem that I am having is why did he do so much for my sister n law and yet he did nothing for me? I have brought it up to his attention several times and all he says is I am sorry and that I will make it up to you. Well my sone is 7 1/2 months old and he has done nothing for me. So here is the thing if this happen to any woman out there how would you feel? And should I just let it go and act like nothihng happened?

Answer 1

I bet that really hurt. I would just start taking time for you and leaving baby home with dad. If he is not going to step up after you have talked to him about it, than it is time for you to take action. Go get pedicures, go have girls nights and pamper yourself. It sounds like you have been stressed out and doing every thing for the past seven and a half months so it is time to give dad the resposibility.

Answer 2

I have found the more babies I have had, the less attention anyone seems to pay!
Baby #1 everyone came and made a fuss, by time #5 arrived, I drove us back from hospital, put baby on top of the dishwasher in her car seat and made supper!
Your husband is just following the trend, a lot of fuss is always made for #1s, and that was very good of him to do all that he did, and you too. But he overlooked the fact that you deserved as much special attention, not because he wasn't caring, just because you have been there and done that.
Tell him you are annoyed, but unless he can turn back time, nothing is going to make you feel better about this, nobody likes to feel second best, and that is how his treatment of you has probably made you feel. You somehow need to turn it around and think how nice it was of your husband to be so attentive to your sister in law, it is a rare man who would make such an effort!

Answer 3

I'm not going to say to let it go, because I know how hard it is to let stuff like that go. He was probably thinking (with your SIL) that it was her first baby, and she had a c-section and it was hard on her. With you, it's old hat, you know what I mean? You all have been there, done that and you didn't have a hard time at the hospital (from his point of view). Don't hold it against him too much, he said he was sorry. But tell him you expect him to make it up to you NOW so you can move on. BTW-I had 3 kids and my husband didn't sleep at the hospital EVEN ONCE, so you got lucky there! :)

Answer 4

I would be upset. BUT.. on the other hand your son is 7 1/2 months old. If he hasn't done anything to try to make it right with you it is time to let it go. He obviously doesn't know what to do to fix it. Maybe with everything you put into her shower and stuff he thought that was what was expected of him. I would suggest you either tell him EXACTLY how to fix it or let it go. You sound happily married. Don't let something almost a year old ruin that. Good luck

Answer 5

I think you need a break. Call your girlfriends for a night out at a restaurant or coffee. Leave the baby home with daddy. Sounds like you're getting irritated by the little things, and that sounds like break time to me.
I'm sure he's not doing anything intentionally to hurt you. He may be just trying to bond with his sister more..it's important to have other familiar relationships too, not just inside your own house.
I hope you start feeling better soon.

Answer 6

I have 5 kids and once you get passed #3 it always seems to happen don't hold it against your husband .Was it your brothers first baby? maybe your brothers finances wouldn't permit him to spend money. It sounds like you and your husband need to find a babysitter and spend an evening alone before you end up resenting him so much it turns into marital problems.
You take the first step to a Date with your husband guys just get so wrapped up in everyday life they tend to forget what it is that is most important to them.
Good luck and I hope everything turns out ok

Answer 7

Your husband is very appearance-minded. For whatever reason, he cares very much what your brother and sister-in-law think of him. He believes you already adore him and he doesn't have to try so hard for you. I know the type and it would bother me very much if I were in your shoes with the new baby. I would point out that he is more interested in impressing your extended family members than in actually caring for his own family. Perhaps he doesn't see it like that and this will knock some sense into him.

Answer 8

Wow, this is a hard one... It may be that he was trying to get on your brother's good side and to show him how to do things right. But when it came to you, he was trying to take care of the other 3 and forgot that you need attention too.
He admits that he was wrong, which is a good thing. I would tell him that you want him to make it up to you and tell him what day/night. Help him to get a sitter arranged and give him a couple of options for what to do to make it up to you.
For a while when I was home with the twins (all by myself!) my hubby would come home from work and want to kick up his feet, eat the dinner I prepared, not help with the clean up or the babies... it was really frustrating!
Good luck!!

Answer 9

I agree I would be pissed, but I think you need to let it go. This is your 4th child, I would imagine things aren't as exciting as it was for the first. You guys are old pros and you knew what to expect. Your sister in law had her first, they were in for a bumpy ride. I'm pregnant with my 2nd child now and no one is nearly as excited as they were we announced we were pregnant with our first. We know what to expect and I don't expect my husband to be at the hospital as much either. We'll have a 2 yr old also. And just because you bought a gift for your in laws, that doesn't mean they are required to buy you a gift. I think you need to stop focusing on what you aren't getting back. You shouldn't do things only to get rewarded. You started out sounding really giving only to find out that you did it to get something out of it. Let it go. No man will help a wife who is constantly nagging. Trust me, you can tame bees quicker with honey than vingear.

Answer 10

As much as I would be just as pissed as you are, I would just letit go now.From your story though, I'd be more mad at my brother than my husband (though they were both in the wrong) Its too late to go punishing him for it now. He probably jus figured that you ad he areay had everything you needed, therefore didn't feel the need to buy th baby an outfit. As for the coffee... its coffee, not a biggie. He was there for the birth, supportedyou thh it (probably) and though more exausting for you, its tiring for the father as well ....my hubby wasn't even there for my son's birth, he was working in another province. Just let it go for now, enjoy your family...