I need some advice on how other woman would feel aabout this situation.?

Question

I dont know how to forgive him or let it go. I need to just lay it out and see what anyone else thinks. It is probably something stupid to others but to me it is a big deal. So here goes. My sister n law and I were pregnant at the same time(she is my brothers wife.) She had here baby on the 24th of March and She had a little girl I had my baby on the 6th of June and this all happened in 2006. So there is the beginning of the story. First of all this was her first baby and I gave her her baby shower and I spent a good 300.00 dollars on the shower with everything that I did.( and I never even got a thank you but that is something different) But when she had her little girl we went to the hospital to see her baby and when we left they asked us to come back later so that she could get some rest(she had a c-section) So we left and went home well we never got a chance to go back to the hospital so my husband order them pizza and had it deleivered to the hospital. Then the next morning we got up and went back to the hospital to see her and the baby and on the way there my husband stopped at the store and bought the baby an outfit to take to the hospital and he also stopped and got coffee for her and my brother and then we went to the hospital. Now here is my half of hte story I I went to the hospital to get induced(this was baby number 4 for us) I was in labor for three hours and I did it with no drugs then we went to our room and we had lunch then people came to the hospital to visit then we had dinner then time past and then my brother and his wife(the ones that had the baby in march) came to visit and they brough me and the baby nothing. Then after they left my husband decided that he was going to go home and sleep at home(he slept at the hospital with the others) I was fine with that and he said that he would come to the hospital early. Then 9am rolled around and I had to call him and wake him up to come to the hospital. And then he got there and we drank hospital coffee and then we went home and I have been doing everything ever sense. So the problem that I am having is why did he do so much for my sister n law and yet he did nothing for me? I have brought it up to his attention several times and all he says is I am sorry and that I will make it up to you. Well my sone is 7 1/2 months old and he has done nothing for me. So here is the thing if this happen to any woman out there how would you feel? And should I just let it go and act like nothihng happened?

Thing about the first he has never brough me anything to the hospital so that is why it is bothering me so much. He has never even brough me flowers or anything with any of the babys that I have had.

Answer 1

i wouldnt let it go completely but how did he act with you on the other pregnacys did he do the same as he did for your sister n law. if so then he just wanted to make easy for them being that its their first child, but if he never did it for you then i would raise hell with him and let him know im first im the mother to his kids!!!

Answer 2

I feel bad to hear that you are unhappy with how your husband is acting. The only thing I can think of is that you two have obvisously been together a while and you two are also on your fourth child. Sometimes men (and women too) can slack off a little when they've been with their partner for a while. People tend to think that they won't be judged by their long time husband or wife since they know them better than anyone and they've been with them for so long. This is your 4th child and maybe he feels like he already knows what to expect, so he might not even realize that he is being somewhat neglectful. Long time couples with kids can fall into a daily rut and forget to appreciate their partner, even if it's not intentional. When the two of you have time, after the kids are asleep, I find that the best thing to do is to reminisce on when you first met, and talk about how your feelings were for each other. Talk about how you both felt when you had the first baby. When you both talk about the fun and exciting times you used to have it can spark the feelings of what made you fall in love in the first place, and remember to discuss the things you two used to do to show appreciation for one another. I hope this helps.

Answer 3

Well, I guess it's because it's your 4th child. I think he is very excited and had done a lot for your first born. But the more babies you have, the process of giving birth seem "normal" to him. The excitement is gone. He might also feel that since you had experience before, you should know how to take care of yourself. But things are different for your sister in law. It's her first baby. If your husband is very close to your brother, he might feel excited for your brother's first born. Or he feel that he should buy gift out of courtesy.

I know you don't feel good when your husband had done nothing even when your son is already 7 1/2 months old. But maybe he has done something without you noticing it? Maybe he had brought the family out to have a big feast and he considered that making up for you, but you thought it's just a normal meal? It could be that he had done something without "announcing" it, so you didn't know.

But if he really has not done anything, I guess it's no use bringing up this matter to him again. You have said it so many times and I think guys don't like girls to nag. Don't show him your petty side, ok?

Answer 4

I have to agree; this was your fourth and her first; it is an exciting time for everyone and it sounds like you may be a little jealous as you are/were not the centre of attention or possibly postpartum.

While you were in the hospital, didn't your husband have to take care of 3 other children back at home AND visit the brother / sister in-law with their baby?

You may be being a little sensitive. However, the sister in-law is not being very empathetic to you, either. Not very nice, but understandable under the circumstances.

Let it go.

Answer 5

You are perfectly normal to feel hurt about that situation of yours. What kind of husband is he? You keep your cool and be kind to him at the same time. You did your part to remind him of his prime duty towards you. During good time, I mean when he is in a good mood, try to remind him of his responsibility towards you as his wife. Celebrate weekends together in the family with a surprise meal and give honor to the head of the family 'the father' of the children and your husband. You might melt his stony heart with such kindness! Congratulations for your patience!

Answer 6

I think my feelings would be hurt also and I would be very upset about it. But you cannot let it control you. explain to him how you still feel about it and give him the opportunity to do something about it. He might think that you let it go and he just has spaced it off. Other wise I would wonder what is up with your husband and the sis in law!

Answer 7

Assuming Jasmine is "Jennifer" i might say in simple terms enable her off the hook. do no longer ignore approximately her if she touch you yet do no longer pass out of your thank you to touch her. via fact that she would not look very fascinated i'm guessing which will in simple terms fade away. interior the interim do no longer rush something with 'Michelle'. seems such as you're the two comfortable and chuffed as issues are. shop putting out and while and if the time is sturdy circulate forward to a extra formal or 'professional' dating. no might desire to hurry something it truly is already working for you because it truly is. desire that facilitates somewhat :)

Answer 8

ur husband is going to be in the most difficult position if u keep nagging at him about this..its over and there's nothin u can do.. if ur sis in law is insensitive and ungrateful..there's nothin u can do..just let it go and be contented in knowing that u did a great deed and u are a nice person..ur husband loves u and u should let it all go..because all tht matters is tht ur happy wit ur family.. dont let stuff like that stop ur relationship with ur husband from blossoming

Answer 9

so what you need to do is stop washing his laundry, stop setting his place at the table, do not ask him for anything, do not go with or take him anywhere. Then find a good babysitter, take some extra money for yourself, and treat yourself to a hairdo, manicure, new shoes, whatever. Essentially treat him as tho he does not exist. I did this with my hubby, after only his clothes were piled up on the floor and everybody else's were clean, he got the hint.

Answer 10

I would probably feel the same as you do, but let it go. It becomes routine after the fourth kid. Take a break and get a sitter, and go have a nice dinner with hubby.

Answer 11

Just let it go, it's really not that big of a deal. Anything you do for someone, do it from your heart, and expect nothing in return. Your husband probably figured you were an "old pro" at it.