"Open Relationships".......Real or BS?

Question

It it really possible, as some claim, to be totally committed and in love with each other and also have the understanding that either party is free to engage in casual sex with people they encounter and desire? I know a couple like this and it seems to me they are in their relationship more for convenience and the lusty lifestyle than for love of each other.
This question would also apply to couples who invite a third party into their sex life and have threesomes.
Can real love exist when the people involved are having sex outside the relationship? I'm doubtful.

Your thoughts?

Answer 1

In our case "Open Relationships" are real. My wife and I have been married for 5 years. This is my second marriage, the first lasted 16 years.
I love my life more than words could ever describe. I feel that the love is mutual. Truth of the matter is, without her in my life...I would certainly die. The thought of being without her is frightening. So getting on with this here are my thoughts...And this is our lifestyle... She is 30, I'm 45. She is Bi-sexual, I'm straight. From the very beginning she let me know that she loves the touch and feel of a woman. She further explained that she has no interests in being with any other man than me. With one exception (Brad Pitt). So I am very comfortable with this. It is quite a thrill to be out and about, and have her nudge me. Making sure that I see the Hottie over there.
She has no problem letting me know that she would like to "hit that". I have no problem that. Likewise if I encounter a woman that I'd like to have sex with, she has no problem with that.
The only rule we have is that we have to let the other know what we are doing.....Before it happens. No kissing is ever allowed.
Most of the time we are in this together as a threesome, very rare do we do it without the other.
Whenever we do this safe sex is a must.
It is wonderful, so an open relationship is very real. If the couple is not confident in their relationship, it is a recipe for disaster. We personally enjoy it very much.
Kevin

Answer 2

Real. True love can exist in a sexually open relationship. And especially in a polyamorous relationship.

Why would you believe that real love couldn't exist in an open relationship? Who told you that? I guess that could be believed IF a relationship was built upon and dependent upon sex instead of the other aspects like friendship, companionship, trust, openness, love, compassion, etc.

"When a well packaged web of lies has been sold gradually to the masses over generations, the truth sill seem utterly preposterous and its speaker a raving lunatic." ~ Dresden James

Basically, people have been told over time that there is one way only to live and love, which of course was the opinion of the one that said that. But we all know, that there is no one way for everyone on this planet to live and be happy, and what works for you may not work for someone else. That doesn't make it wrong, it just makes it different from your way. Your way is wrong for them just like their way is wrong for you.

My wife and I have been in the swinging lifestyle for several years and have even had one polyamorous relationship. My wife was in love with me and another man at the same time. Did she love me less because she loved him too? No. It was just different.

Do I love my wife less because I have sex with other women? No. It's just different. I don't love them. I lust them. I love AND lust my wife.

Why can we do this? Well, as intuition (who posts here also) said so well once, we have taken sex off the alter and no longer worship it as the be-all-end-all of our relationship. We've put it where it belongs, as being a part of our relationship, not the majority or the whole of it.

So many people base not only the quality of their relationship on the sex in it, they actually believe that sex is their relationship. These are the ones that definitely get divorced or have affairs to fill that empty spot left when after 10 years together the lust is gone. The think they are no longer in love with their spouse because they thought lust was love.

Many of our friends describe my wife and I as the happiest couple they know, and even come to us for relationship advice (which by the way we don't tell them to open-up their relationship like ours is). We are always touching when together. Always. Holding hands, snuggling, spooning. We talk and talk and talk like little old ladies. We act like teenagers with each other.

Now, your friends may be in the relationship just for convenience. But I can guarantee you that they don't represent the majority of swingers or polyamorous couples.

Answer 3

It is not BS, it is real for those that engage in this lifestyle. I happen to know a few couples that swing and they are very much in love with each other. Most swing couples have their boundaries and stay within them. The reason people like you are doubtful is because you do not understand this lifestyle. Most swing couples are very much in love and know how to separate love and sex.

The golden rule of swinger couples is no secrets and no cheating. Everything must stay out in the open.

Answer 4

I think its possible to be in an open relationship and be in love with your partner. There are all kinds of different untraditional one on one relationships in the world e.g arranged marriages, polygamous marriages with more than one wife, and various other variations that we westerners don't "agree" with. If the partners in the relationship are happy with the situation, then who am I to tell them its wrong or that it won't work? Only the individuals involved can determine if its working for them or not. I think if everyone involved are consenting adults and no one is lying or getting hurt, then why not? Its not something I think I would personally get involved with, but I can see people trying different lifestyles just to see what works for them. It would take a pretty strong couple to handle an open relationship without causing all kinds of tension and jealousy

Answer 5

Real; but not in the way you suggest.

This may seem a "roundabout" response, but stay with me...

First of all, there are countless types of relationships that are "successful;" from a standard, traditional man/woman who are in love, but so wrapped-up in their careers and material aquisitions that they seem curious to couples with less $ and smaller home, but much more love. In other words, relationships can exist and persevere for any number of reasons.

What may be - in your eyes or mine - a "model" relationship may not be the archetype for all of society.

Now, as regards "open relationships," yes, they are real but most do not remain "open" indefinitely; it is more commonly just a period of sexual experiementation for a couple, and then they return to what you'd call the "normal" setting.

They are "real," but definitely NOT recommended for everyone, because the relationship has to be rock solid first. There cannot be any feelings of insecurity or jealousy. BOTH partners have to be on the same page and agree about what they're doing. Too often, it is more a matter of the man trying to talk his wife into something.

The risks for emotional and sexual problems in an "open relationship" are much greater than the "benefits."

So, while you may find this couple's arrangement "odd," if they manage to succeed, good for them.

Relationships are about being happy together, regardless of how the whole thing is constructed.

No doubt, their concept of love and intimacy differs from yours, but what of that?

It's all rather relative.

I began by talking about career-oriented, financially successful couples. Compared to my relationship, I think that they're missing out on some concepts, in the same way that you feel toward the couple with the "open relationship."

Answer 6

me and my husband have been married for 11 years and have known each other for 23 we have been swinging for 2 and a half an out of all my friends we are the only ones who still hold hands kiss each other all the time we have relations at least no less then 4 times a week my husband calls me to just say hi or i love you at least 6 times a day we go out on dates we go away together and are each others best friends when i go to his job people have seen my picture because i am the wall paper on his phone and know all kinds of really great things about me he has said we have people who are are friends and family and even a few strangers tell us how we make them sick with how loving and kind we are to each other we have meet friends of our friends who just meet us and say oh your that couple they have told us all about you don't we all wish we had that! i respect him and everything about him and who he is in my life he is truly a good person and friend and i know he feels the same way about me and its not because i think it or have heard him say it its when people you meet who don't know you tell you! and it just so happens that we enjoy threesomes and how can we because for us we understand SEX does not= LOVE and anyone who thinks it does ends up hurt! and only if you have a strong and healthy relationship can this work for you so its not for everyone and should not be done to make a partner happy ,under presser to spice up a boring sex life or a dead marriage it will rip those kinds of relationships apart !

Answer 7

I think it is possible to love someone and have sex with someone else. The physical aspect of a relationship can be kept seperate from the emotional side. Although I think it is possible I would not suggust doing so to anyone. This will only cause destruction in the relationship because it is moraly wrong and also becase it is human nature to be jealous. If another women was screwing my husband I would be pretty jealous of that. I don't realy think it has to do with my love for him, but respect for myself.

Answer 8

Why do you ask? Is your hubby wanting you both to be in an open marriage? Or is it something that you are thinking about?

Bottomline is that it can and does work for some people. It is real because their are real couples doing this. Yes, real love can exist and does exist with couples that want sex with other partners.

Answer 9

I'm doubtful too. I think open relationships can exist if two people don't really care about each other...because if there was love there, it would be commited and true to just that one person.

Answer 10

Now here you get into the problem of defining "real love."

Have you ever known someone who had multiple "best friends"? I've known several people that if you ask, "Who is your best friend?" then you'll get a list of "best friends." Sometimes they'll come with qualifications. "My husband is my best friend, but Molly is my best female friend, and Gary is my best older friend, and David and Erica are the best friends of our family." And if asked to pick a "best friend" from the list, they can't. Does that make the person like any of these "best friends" any less? I don't think so. But then, I only have one best friend (my brother.)

Also, isn't real love supposed to be self sacrificing? Not that this self sacrifice has to always come in the same form. Take my wife and I for example. Three quarters of our "fun" budget is spent on her fun. She goes out with her friends twice as often as I go out with my friends. There've been times we've ended up places where the bed isn't big enough for two; I'm the one that ends up on the floor. I drive two hours a day to work an eight hour a day job that I hate, and my wife has never had to work since we've been married. Does that all sound like self sacrificing? If I stopped right there, you'd think our relationship was pretty lop sided, especially before we had kids. I work eight hours a day with a two hour commute, she was able to keep the house clean on four hours every other day before we had a son. (Things are very different now that we have a kid, of course.) But she was self sacrificing in other ways. Even though she had relative freedom through the day, I never came home to a TV dinner except when she was out of town until she was three months pregnant. I have absolute authority over the household. Unless she was sick or out of town, I was always greeted with a kiss again until she was three months pregnant. She never complained about my hobbies. I have no unfulfilled fantasies. (One, actually, but my wife isn't physically capable of fulfilling that one.) Doesn't that sound just as self sacrificing? A friend tried to understand how we could be equal in our marriage but still have different responsibilities, and I explained it this way, "I'm willing to give my life by dying if that's what it takes for her comfort, but she's willing to give her life while living if that's what it takes for my comfort." Now isn't that all love? And no where in any of that do I mention sex. So what if after all that, you found out that my wife and I never had sex except once to get pregnant? Would you think we love each other any less? Some people would, because they equate romantic love with sex. Okay, let's take another example: my wife was in the hospital for six months on bed rest when she was pregnant. Did that mean she didn't love me? And after, she still wasn't allowed to have sex for three months, doctor's orders. Did I love her less because I was refusing to have sex with her because the doctor said not to? And once she was released to have intercourse with me, our three pound baby was getting closer to five pounds, he was eating every two hours all day and all night, that didn't exactly put either of us in a position to have sex the day she was released. Does that mean we didn't love each other? Personally, I think that's a no-brainer, of course we still loved each other. I'd have died if it would have saved her the trouble of having to be in the hospital.

So for me, the kind of love I have for my wife is not dependent on the sex I get from her. (Now that she's healthy, we'd be having a long talk if she didn't, but I'd still love her and I wouldn't leave her.) The love is a mutual self-sacrificing. Now, if there is anything sexual in the world that we both want together, I don't see that as being wrong. But if we don't both want it, we belong to each other and we are sacrificing to each other, so we figure out what is the best for us, what is going to bring us closer together as a couple, and we do that. Always we put our marriage and each other before ourselves.

We've had threesomes, it was fun, and it brought us closer together. It's not for everyone. Some women get jealous of the other girl, some men get cocky and loose sight of what a great thing they have in their wife. Only you can know what kind of a couple you are and what you want in life together.