Why won't my wife lose weight? I love her and I want her to be happy?

Question

My wife is about 100 lbs overweight. She has been for years. She gained it after the birth of our second child and never really lost it.
I do not complain about it, but I (in the GENTLEST possible way), when she asks me if I would like her to lose weight, tell her that yes I'd prefer it, but if you never do it's not a really big deal.
That's the truth - but the problem is that SHE is much more unhappy about her being overweight than I am. I have done EVERYTHING - cooking whatever diet she wanted, setting up a great gym in our garage (which she said she would use but now won't, with me or without me), inviting her for bike rides or walks with me and the kids - nothing.
BUT she STILL whines and moans ALL THE TIME about how "unfair" it is about her being overweight. This is driving me crazy. I can't make it happen - she has to.
btw I am in excellent shape and pretty much always have been. I love her to death, but this is hurting our marriage, and her health one day.

She has been to counsellors, doctors, hormone checks EVERYTHING. I don't push her, but I encourage her every time she needs it. She tells me that I couldn't do any more for her.
So I guess the only thing for me to do is just listen to her moan about it forever, and just get used to her being self-concious and having sex with an obese wife for the next 40 years?

Answer 1

I went and read some of your questions, I think youre just full of it. Lesson learned. If Im going to take questions seriously I have to check out the person asking first.

Answer 2

Overweight can be for many things, not just eating too much. Has she seen a doctor for the possible other causes of weight gain? Start with walks in a park. Hold hands and talk about the future with her. She maybe depressed. Or eating at the wrong times. Portion size is always an issue that needs to be addressed. But no matter how gentlely you answer on this subject, it will lead into hard feelings. And an increase in food for comfort. I believe that if you put the emphasis on you instead of her that it may help. You need to improve your eating habits and need her help. You need her to walk with you because you maybe too lazy to go alone. Do you get it? Many times woman sacrific for the sake of our children and husbands. Put a reverse spin on this and help her to help you. Good luck.

Answer 3

This is mean. I gained a lot of weight with my boyfriend and we pretty much stopped having sex. So that drove me to lose weight - because I have a high sex drive.

Its hard. Maybe if you say, hey if you want to make time to go work out I will take care of this today. Help her, she may not have time to workout.
Change the family diet plan.
Say lets do this for the kids, show them how to eat right and excersise. I see your miserab le, do you want your kids unhealthy too>?
Being obese is VERY unhealthy.
Get her more active.
TIME
GOOD FOOD
EXCERSISE

I am in decent shape and my bf is overweight. And he stopped having sex with me because I put on a few pounds?
I suggest to him to lose some weight for health reasons. I lvoe him the way he is. But I am scared he will have a heart attck by the time he's 30.

Answer 4

My hubby is 5'8" and he had a 34" waist(do no longer know what that's now, he basically re-joined the army and has lost weight), and that i by no skill theory he became vast. Your spouse is a superficial b*tch who probably isn't an analogous length/weight she became once you men have been given married. you're slightly obese(in accordance to BMI calculator, you're basically 5lbs obese), and while you're chuffed and healthful, tell your spouse to shove it, you do no longer could desire to be dealt with like that, extraordinarily while you're no longer treating her an analogous way. might you care if she gained slightly weight and became in hassle-free terms some pounds over what could be seen obese for her top? If she is keen to go away you for something like this, i do no longer think of dropping weight will restoration the project. She is basically attempting to stumble on an excuse and figures(and is in accordance with) that busting on you approximately your weight won't artwork, won't make you lose the burden, and he or she would be ready to then basically walk out by way of fact she advised you to do it and you probably did no longer. enable her, do you extremely need this from her?

Answer 5

OK, in my opinion your wife is in pain because she is obese. She doesn't really know what to do, but she isn't really that confident in her abilities to lose weight. She needs to find a weight loss plan that will let her eat what she wants (not all of the time), but make her happy too. Also, she needs to start working out again. Maybe after she works out, make her a special, healthy meal to reward her. The only thing is that you have to remember that don't be to forward with how bad you want her to lose weight and always be positive. If she loses a couple of pounds, be happy for her and support her.

If none of this ends up working, I would recommmend gastric bypass surgery because your wife is at a very deadly weight and could acutually die of obesity. Good luck with your wife and I hope all will be well.

Answer 6

I am going through the same thing. I am probably about 40-50 pounds overweight and am also dealing with depression. One of the hardest things to deal with is the concept of failure. I don't want to try, it not work, and then I have to accept that I'll be this heavy for the rest of my life. At least if I stay where I'm at, I'll have hope for the future. It also seems like such a farfetched goal. It's going to take me at least 6 months to a year to lose it and keep it off, which means it will take your wife twice as long- and that's very depressing and hard to hear.

I also feel like a "failure" to my husband, because he deserves more. But at the same time, looking at how easy it is for him to ingest practically anything and never gain a pound makes me a little jealous and angry. I am also an emotional eater and a sugar addict. I know if I could just get past the craving stage of cutting out sugar cold-turkey, I know I'd be okay. I lost weight after our first child by diet and exercise, and getting through the sugar-withdrawl stage was a little stressful. I am much more dependant on sugar now, and much heavier after the second pregnancy. I know I need to take it one day at a time, that it's a lifestyle change, and that programming- not willpower- is the key, but there's always some excuse for not working out. The kids and their naps, laundry, breastfeeding, being tired, having to prepare 3 different meals for dinner every night, etc. Sometimes they were justified, but sometimes it would have been possible to move things around.

Things that may help:

Give her an hour a day on the weekends. It is her time to work out while you entertain the kids. Maybe 20 minutes on some nights of the week.

Read up on circuit training. If she's like me, she's afraid of running. I was able to handle these workouts because of the short bouts of each exercise. Good for people with short attentions spans.

It doesn't matter what time you work out, as long as you build up to 45 minutes a day. It could even be broken up into morning and evening workouts.

Don't think before a workout. Clear your mind when you're tying your laces. People tend to talk themselves out of it right before they get ready. Once you get into it, though, you'll want to finish.

She's got to change her mental outlook on the whole process. It's a lifestyle change, and should be taken one day at a time. You start thinking about weeks and months, and you'll start thinking of reasons why you can't start, or why'll it's better to start next month instead of today.

Throw out all the junkfood. All of it. If it's not there, she can't eat it. Everyone's got to be supportive. After she passes that first withdrawl phase, things shoud get a little easier. If she wants to buy turkey burger and stir fries for dinner- be supportive and eat it. Drink fat free milk with a smile.

Remember, it's really a mental battle for her. She feels bad about the way she looks, and probably remedies that with food. It's a cycle and it's hard to get out of.

Answer 7

You should go with her on walks in the park, or start being more active with her. I know its easier to exercise when you have someone that is willing to do it with you, and just push her to get out and do things. You guys could walk around the mall a couple times, go to a museum (that consist of walking), take the kids to the park or play games with them that involves being active, maybe you guys have friends and can do a coed softball team, park farther away when you guys go out, if you guys eat out cut down eating out, have a little smaller portion sizes, but depending on where you live and if its a nice day or night try to go on a walk with her everyday even if it is for 15-20 min, you would be surprise how just walking a little extra can help you lose weight. I gained 60lbs when i was pregnant and lost it by just walking.

Answer 8

She sounds depressed or lazy. I am not sure which. She really needs to do this for herself because being overweight can bring on many medical problems like diabetes and heart disease.
She would feel so much better inside and out.

Answer 9

Would you put up with her moans that long? dude, it isn't fair for you doing those things for her to try to make her happy but didn't work. She is probably very insecure due to her weight problem that's why she complains and moans but doesn't wanna do something about it. Her attitude will drive you crazy sooner or later. You cannot change her, (you tried anyway I guess your wife is kinda immature, she should change her attitude!!!

Answer 10

If the doctors can't find anything wrong then she is just plain lazy. If you can live with it then go ahead. Personally I know I could not. It may be time for the tough love that someone else mentioned.

Answer 11

you can't change someone who doesn't want to change. however that said maybe it's time for tough love. research about problems with obesity and talk to her about it. for example, my mother was over weight, had sleep apnea has really bad knees and other problems. finally when we brought all this info to her and would not stop talking about it and how it hurt us she might not be around much longer she finally wanted to lose the weight. it was really hard to talk to her about if she doesn't change, she'll die, but it was the best thing we could do for her! good luck