My Stay At Home Husband is pretty "needy" when I get home from Work. What should I do?

Question

My husband is a househusband. We have no children.

So far since we started this arrangement, with the exception of a few bumps and bruises, he has been great. House has been clean and dinner on the table. However I work a long day and just need to unwind and "chill". While I am interested in hearing about his day and his activities, but I also need some "me" time. What should I do? Am I being a bad breadwinner wanting to put him off?

Answer 1

Have you ever been the housewife? If not, it may be difficult for you to fully understand his neediness. I have been a house wife / at home mom for 13 years and it took quite a long time and several blow up fights for me to realize that when my husband comes home, he needs about 30 minutes to unwind and shed the worries of work. For the longest time, as soon as he walked in I would jump him with all my complaints about what the dogs did, kids did, who called and irritated me, etc etc etc. It's difficult to be at home all the time and not in an environment where you can socialize and use your brain. He might be feeling cooped up or something too. Talk with him gently about how you just need a few minutes to unwind. Set something up like:
When you come home from work, first you go change clothes into something comfy, then have a glass of wine or tea, and greet him affectionately, but do not allow either of you to discuss your day until that first cup of wine or tea is gone.
We started doing that and it worked out great.
Just quickly explain to him that you need a little time to shed the day, and it's nothing against him. Then stop. Too much info will annoy him. Let him absorb it, thank him after you've recouped, for keeping the house clean and making dinner, and go from there.

Answer 2

This is a normal condition of a relationship where one partner stays home while the other one works. Please try to remember that your at-home mate spends much of the day in solitude, or has only limited social interactions with other people. At work, however, you are around people all day, and depending on the kind of work you do and your temperament, it can be very draining.
Perhaps you can discuss this with your partner and agree on having some time to unwind before dinner and reconnecting with each other. Tell him you need 20 minutes alone as soon as you get home to shift gears. Designate a space for yourself to enjoy that 20 minutes of down time - this space should be private and include some items that make you feel relaxed and pampered - maybe a scented candle and some relaxing music, or maybe you'd prefer to take a bath or shower to "wash off" the workday.

Once you have taken care of your own needs, you will come to the table refreshed and ready to enjoy your marriage relationship.

On his end, maybe he needs something more than cooking and housekeeping to fill his days. Does he have any hobbies? Gardening, woodworking, painting, ceramics, yarn arts, photography, personal fitness...if he doesn't have a hobby now, maybe he could take classes to discover something he truly enjoys. Then he will have exciting things to share with you about his life during your time together.

Answer 3

Since he is a 'househusband', and there are no children, he probably gets somewhat bored during the day, and there probably isn't enough housework to do to tire him out. So, when you get home, he's raring to go. If he used to work full time, he should have the capability of understanding how tired one feels after a full day at work and the need to unwind. My feeling is that unless he has a medical reason to stay at home, he should really have a job, even if it is part-time. If he continues to stay at home, have a talk with him and let him know it isn't personal, but you need some down time.

Answer 4

If this isn't a "submission" thing, I'd say hubby needs a hobby or a part-time job; or needs to do some volunteer work. He's not bringing anything "interesting" to the table each day besides a clean house and obviously, you want more than that. You should have time to unwind; and he should have your time after you do. Makes for a more interesting relationship when both have had experiences to share at the end of the day. Godloveya.

Answer 5

You have to think of it this way - while you've been at work interacting all day, he's been indoors on his tod. I know everyone thinks they'd rather stay home all day than go to work, but you get up, clean up, potter about a bit and end up stuck with nothing but crap daytime TV for company. Although you wanna unwind, by this point he's probably just desperate to have someone to talk to.

Me and my flatmate always have the same issue when one of us has a day off. By the time the other one gets home you're just sat there thinking "Thank god, I can actually have a conversation now". You've got home and got your respite, just spend 5 minutes talking to him then go run yourself a bath or something. By the tiome you're done there, everyone should be a little chirpier

Answer 6

I had the same problem, I started to go to the gym, to get me nails done or even to the library just to relax before I got hime. This helped me out. I also too the long way home. When all else fails, I would tell him that I have a really bad headache so that I can go and lay down and be alone for a few minutes.
I also bought a suduko book (puzzle) and i go in the potty and work on it there even if I'm not actually going potty. Hope this helps

Answer 7

Just tell him "Look, when I get home, I need an hour or so just to decompress... if you like< i can stop by a bar on the way and do it there, or, instead, you give me a little breathing room."

The truth is, and it is the truth, he's probably spending a good part of the day looking at porn, and is anxious to get a little action ASAP.

Answer 8

in case you have youthful infants at domicile, and he's barely working area time, he ought to be at domicile. infants desire each and every ounce of interest you're able to offer them. Unexplained variations in recurring are a somewhat common pink flag of affairs. yet you're saying he hasn't been mendacity approximately the place he's been.......i will take you at your notice in this. I hate to show this, yet yet another danger is drug abuse. have you ever observed any variations in his moods? Does he look agitated, under pressure, or strangely irritable? Is he chuffed and upbeat sometime, then depressed the subsequent? Has he been drowsing a lot extra those days? Has he been drowsing much less? Have his ingesting conduct replaced? once you're nerve-racking, you will get a pattern of his hair, and have it examined.....

Answer 9

Actually you need to make sure you do half the laundry, cook dinner, and change the baby's diaper) or your being a selfish sexist pig.

Don't ask me why and yes I know you don't even have children. But that seems to be what the feminist are telling us. Work just be too fun to be allowed to come home and goof off like you've been all day. He deserves his time to you know.

lol

Answer 10

Gee now you know how 99% of men feel about coming home to their wives!