My wife has doubled in weight since we got married and no longer excites me, what can I do?

Question

Having a wife that is extremely over weight is a big turn off for me. I still love her, but when she wants sex it is difficult to get excite or even enjoy it when she is so heavy. She gets mad if we don't have sex at least a few times a month, but I find it difficult to look forward to. For me part of sex and foreplay involves sexy lingerie, the viewing of your partners body, and the whole seduction process. To have your wife want sex and then have her turn out the lights so you can't see anything while you are engaged in the act is not too exciting. I understand her feelings of not wanting to expose her body when she doesn't feel good about it, but I would also like to have something to get me excited.

Answer 1

This seems to be one of mens biggest fears about marriage, that their wife will get fat. Lots of women say 'If you love her that shouldn't matter.....but they are so wrong. Gaining a few pounds because of child birth or age is not usually a turn off to men but gaining over 10 pounds can do it. I understand men a visual and they don't want to come home to a frumpy wife. A woman should be feminine and take good care of herself. A woman should look as good as she can for her husband behave sweetly and flirt with him, these are gifts we give to our husbands, makes him feel like a man and is proud of his wife.
We kept our bodies beautiful to win a man you should work just as hard if not harder to keep him.

Answer 2

Its time to be honest with your wife, tell her how you are feeling. I know it may hurt her feelings in the beginning but maybe she will appreciate your honesty, especially if you tell her that you will help her in anyway possible. She is obviously feeling bad about herself too otherwise why turn the light off?
You could like the others said, join a gym together, work on a better diet that you both can enjoy, go for walks, etc.
But most of all let her know that you do still love her very much and remind her in small little ways, make a big thing about it when she does loose weight.
She could do worse than have a man who is at least willing to go on Yahoo asking how to deal with this problem.

Answer 3

I understand how you feel, i am not turned on by a heavy man either, however, i know when you married her she wasn't like that, my advice is talk to her about how she has gained weight ( in a nice way) and tell her that you still love her, and you would like to 1- go to the gym together (she may not want to go to the gym because women don't want others to see how they look) so my second advice would be to get her to start taking walks with you, get her an ab machine, stepper, or exercise bike, and turn some fast pace music on, get the 2 of you doing it together, chances are she will stick to it if she has someone to do it with her. And above all be there for her. Hope i was some help. Good luck.

Answer 4

There could be many reasons as to why your wife is overweight, this is in a sense a good start towards finding a solution to your problem. Questions, Is it due to a previous pregnancy? (this will be normal, but needs to be addressed) or, Is she suffering from depression? then, Why is she depressed? also, Is she seeking medical care for her depression? or Is she simply careless? Has low self-esteem? There could be more questions to help discovering a solution, but focus on knowing her reasons (may be lack of motivation).

Here are two things for you:
1- Never rule yourself out as the reason or a contributor to the problem. Men also tend to disregard wives in many subjects, if this is somehow happening, then correct it to the best of your abilities. Women can't stand competition (is their nature), so if it is sex time impress her (dress for the occasion) and it may cause her to start doing something about her weight. Buy her intimate clothing that helps her look more attractive, for example a bustier will tighten and cover her belly and motivate her to work out. Are you over weight too? if so, you must do something about it. You see, real love have nothing to do with this, but sex is usually about pleasure and satisfaction on both sides.

2. Feed her positive thoughts. It is a little bit tricky to tell her what you want from her, but in a delicate way you may be able to communicate it. Get the Photo album and tell her how she knocked you out when you first met her.

You need to discuss it with her, in won't be solved by itself.

Answer 5

So your wife is aware of her recent change in weight? Is it possible for you to discuss a solution with her? Maybe you both could get into a work out regime? Or join the YMCA and go regularly. If you're sweet and supportive of her it would be easier. As for the sex issue, I totally understand both of your sides. But I think you need to gently encourage your wife to try to get back into shape, and maybe get her some sexy lingerei that fits her?

Answer 6

I read your question 3 times and believe me I know it's hard for you. I am overweight myself and have struggled with making love to my husband because I am so embarassed of not just my body, but what he is thinkinh of my body. I dont know about you, but he has told me that I am too fat and worse. This has made my complex even worse. Please don't make her feel that you don't want her. Reassure her that right now you love her. try closing your eyes and imagining the body you used to love and maybe slowly work it in that you can both work together to help her overcome her obesity. Sometimes I eat more when I feel depressed and he makes it worse by telling me that my clothes akeep on getting bigger. I know you care still, or you wouldn't have asked this online. Try to think of how you can help her lose weight but don't tell her she doesnt turn you on. I hope this helps.
Good luck

Answer 7

Lovingly encourage her to join a gym, or the two of you take walks together. Do NOT tell her she doesnt excite you that will hurt deep deep and be almost impossible for her to heal from that wound. Get her the Dr. Phil book on weight matters. And good luck to her and you.

Answer 8

Work with her to lose weight. If you love her, you should encourage her because being overweight can cause serous health problems. When you have sex let her do some of the work. Its is a great way to burn calories. There are many excellent programs for weight loss on the market. Be thankful she still wants sex.

Answer 9

she is probabily not feeling great about herself and is fretting about the fact you dont want sex with her and feeling very low, so she maybe comfort eating making things worse. you should look past her weight as looks are not everything she is still the same person you would be better to show her love and comfort then show encouragement to help her loose weight like walking or swimming together. Women who put on weight realise their weight gain then get low self esteem and find it hard to find the enthausium to do anything about it especially if they feel unloved.

Answer 10

You need to think about why you married her. Was is just because she was beautiful, or were there other qualities you fell in love with? I'm sure you knew that in a lifetime together, her body (and your's!) would change.

Do you make her feel beautiful? (I understand that her extra weight is a turn off for you) If you make it know that it is a turn off, she is only going to feel worse about herself - and so the cycle continues.

Have you two thought about getting into an excersize / eating regiment TOGETHER to get helathy?

Marraige is a PARTNERSHIP and you need to make sure you are being a good partner too.

Good Luck!