Am I being unreasonable?

Question

My husband goes to a yearly hockey game out of town with his coworkers. Last year the after party got out of hand and some people were screwing around with each other on the bus and basically just cheating on their spouses. My husband was relatively sober and didn't partake in the extra curricular activities.
So this year when he wanted to go I told him I was concerned about what happened last year and asked him to stay sober and distance himself from anybody who was being a pig. Well he comes home in the middle of the night so drunk he throws up and then passes out on the couch!!!!!
I am so MAD I could just scream! I haven't even spoken to him yet, any ideas on what I should do?
We work in the same building, just for different companies and I have to face these people everyday so I don't want to create any undue tension around the workplace but I'm tempted to ask around to find out what happened last night.

My husband actually told me he found the behaviour of his coworkers disgusting and promised me he was smarter than that and would not get drunk.
Also I don't even know how he got home, his vehicle is still where he left it at work.

Answer 1

Your husband should have respected your wishes and done as you asked. It amazes me that men do things like this and then wonder why we women can have such low self-esteem and insecurities. Ask him how he would feel if the situation were reversed, and you had been the one on the trip while he was waiting up at home wondering what was taking place. Your husband needs to grow up and start realizing what his priorities are.

Answer 2

In no way are you being unreasonable! You have every right to be concerned but I would have told him not to go. If I were you I would definitely try to get some info about what really took place that night. Believe me these people around the workplace that you'd be asking will probably understand. Tension??? There is bound to be some tension in the atmosphere already especially if another incident like the first one occurred but YOU deserve to know the truth and forget about what those people think. I suggest next time he doesn't go since he can't respect your wishes. Good Luck!

Answer 3

Okay, so you husband went off on his yearly trip with his buddies from work and got a little soused. What you haven't stated is WHY you are so made at him.

Do you trust your husband? Has he ever given you reason not to trust him? You asked him not to stay sober, but you didn't say what his response was. If he went against his word, maybe he made a bad decision, but did he cheat on you?

Instead of building up some horrific scenario in your head, talk to him about it and see what he says. If he didn't do anything other than get drunk, forgive him and move on. Don't dwell in the past and beat him down because of it. Focus on all the good he does in your life.

Answer 4

You don't sound unreasonable to me...

If hubby was a full time "player" and the out of town hockey weekends were a regular thing, you'd know what to do right away; but, since this isn't the case... or is it?

Is that the real question here? If so, you'd better have an up-close and personal chat with the boy and get a few things decided between you.

And next year, you could always decide to go with him. After all, any fool can get drunk and stupid if they're willing to - even you.

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Answer 5

Yikes. Yeah, that was disrespectful of him. At least he didn't cheat. Instead of being mad (and I know this is gonna be hard to do) be nice to him and tell him you are HIGLY disappointed in him and that he really hurt the trust in your home. and leave it at that. It will take a bit to sink in, but he will feel really ashamed for what he did, and try to make it up to you (look for flowers, lots of hugs, sex ect in the next few weeks) and when he does try to make it up to you, don't be mean and turn away from him (tahts going to make him feel worse, and really make him depressed) just say thank you, and let it be that.

Don't ask around to find out what happened. Before you tell him how dissapointed you are in him, sit him down (remember, BE NICE!! you'll get truthful answers this way, i'm serious) and ask him "Did you do anything to hurt our marriage when you got drunk." And when he gives you a play by play, just nod and don't say anything. he will fess up to everything. Let him know that is is going to have to regain your trust in order for him to go back to that yearly game. and be done with it..good luck

Answer 6

hi,
if you think you husband may have dealt in the extra activities of the party then why not ask. but be ready to hear things that you may not want to hear. and you may even come to find out that you may have a husband that can or cannot keep it in his pants. if he cannot keep it in his paints then you will have to deal with that. and if he is the one that is being fateful then you will have to suck it up and tell your man that you are sorry. and let him go nest year. and the year after that and so on and so on,

Answer 7

This is between you and your husband not the rest of the people that were on the bus.

Let him suffer with his hangover and go out for a really really late dinner with some girlfriends.

Answer 8

You have every right to be upset with him. However, I don't think he cheated on you. He probably just had a good time. I would let him know you are upset and wait for him to talk to you. Just distance yourself from him at work and try not to show any stress.

Answer 9

Tell him it's either you or the booze, he can't have both and you're not worried about what other people might think or say, you will set them straight if they try to get up in your business. And he better hope like hell that he wasn't out there screwing around or his balls belong to you.

Answer 10

Plan a trip to Vegas with some female friends. I wouldn't recommend speaking to anyone at work about it, it would only cause unneccessary drama.