Early miscarriage and not dealing with it well. Please help.?

Question

On the day of my missed period I took a pregnancy test which came out positive. A few days later I began to lightly bleed. I re-tested & It came out negative & I continued to bleed but it became heavier like a regular period. I hadnt been sure I wanted to be pregnant but as I got used to idea I felt scared but adjusted to it. Now I just feel a terrible loss as I know now it is all over. I see my partner at weekends as I work in london in the week. I cant tell him how I'm feeling over the phone or by text, I want to wait to see him. I feel people will tell me to get over it - I wouldnt have even known had I not taken the test. But the fact is I did & I cant forget it. I just wanted to hear from others who have been in my situation as I feel so alone right now & like my feelings are silly, but to me theyre not.

Answer 1

Please know that you are not alone. I had two sons and then had a miscarriage when I was pregnant for the third time. I was devastated. I had really wanted three children. I found that a lot of people reacted the way you thought -- acted like it was nothing, I should have just gotten over it. But it really WAS a baby and I felt a great loss. The people that understood best were other women who had also had miscarriages. One of them, who was further along than I had actually already picked out a name for her son. She coped by writing a poem about him and talking about him with other mothers. My husband felt bad for me but never really understood what I was going through.Not all mothers understood either but there really is a griefing process you need to go through. I feel for you and will say a prayer that you heal from this unfortunate loss.

Answer 2

Hi Poppy ,
I am sorry for your loss.
I also had an early miscarriage ..very much like yours..
Last December I found out in 1 week that I was pregnant and in that week it was over.
You are defintely not alone...miscarriages are very common among us right now.
You must talk about it with people eventually it will help things along and then you will get tired of talking about it.
Your feelings are by no means silly..this is your first time personal experience with becoming pregnant for the first time and losing the unborn child you thought you would see through 9 months.
Also, after this while ..your hormones will be raging and you might very well become very harsh and bitchy with your loved ones..its okay just let them know what you have gone through.
I hope this helps you and all will be well..
The great news is is that you are fertile..so after 2 periods..try try again and good luck.

Answer 3

Hunny u aint silly at all i had 3 miscarriages one a year at 8wks and each time it happened i felt my heart being ripped apart an no one could understand how i felt not even my partner plus when i had the first one i was only 15. Everyone told me it was for the best but i didnt want to hear that Id lost a baby and no one would see that. I wont lie to u, its hard coz u have lost a child at the end of the day even if it was an early miscarrige but it will get easier 8 years on i have two gorgeous children with the partner i miscarried wit but il neva forget bout the 3 we could of had. Just hold on an it will get easier promisex

Answer 4

Console yourself with knowing that it is just as likely that you were never pregnant as you were. There is no use in worrying or fretting about something which may or may not have been. If your Dr. Didn't confirm for you that you were pregnant, then you weren't. Simple as that. Additionally, if you were, you were probably only a few days along. The clump of cells was just that. No soul, no life, just cells. Just like cancer. like a mole, like your fingernail. Nothing more.

The best advice I can give you regarding your current condition is this:

There is some small pearl of wisdom among fiction. One thing that I've found particularly useful when I find myself tempted to let sadness dictate my actions is to remember the advice Yoda gave to Luke Skywalker "Once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny." - Bob Klix 2002

I'm not saying get over it, but focus on the positive. There is no need to tell your companion that you had a miscarriage, but perhaps this is a good time to discuss with him the possibility of GETTING pregnant, and decide if you, him and your relationship is ready for such a commitement. Perhaps this was fate's way of telling you to reevaluate your actions. Just a thought.

Answer 5

Hi, I'm so sorry for you. This happened to me, and it really felt like I had lost a child and not a ball of cells. The miscarriage association (look online) are excellent. they make downloadable leaflets which are REALLY helpful, and they can even arrange someone who has been there to ring you for a chat. They are genuinely supportive.
people should not tell you to get over it, you have to genuinely grieve, and it's really hard becasue it can feel like you are grieving for a person you never had the chance to get to know. Do not feel like your feelings are silly, you have teh right to whatever you feel. it takes time to get over this, and you may well need help - precisely because it IS real.
I have a healthy baby boy now (concieved 2 months after my miscarriage) but my partner and I still have a day set aside each year to remember our little lost baby (I was only 6 weeks pregnant when I lost it, but we still think of it as a baby, and that's allowed)

Answer 6

Don't feel silly! It is natural to feel the loss, and you must morne it. It has happened to me a few times, but what helped me get through it, was that 1) 1 in 5 womens periods on average are miscarrages. and 2) It is natures way of dealing with less fortunate babies - ie disablity or bad defects. It wasn't your or your babies time. When you have your baby, you will be glad this has happend, beacuse if it didn't, you wont have that child. Good luck for the future, and be positive xx

Answer 7

Miscarrige is a very hard thing to go through but you will survive. Don't let this one thing bring you down and keep going on. Make sure you tell your husband that you are not pregnant even though it hurts to. He'll understand. You could have had a delayed period and were never really pregnant, sometimes those tests aren't acuarate. But either way it is a terrible feeling and wish you good luck and hope!

Answer 8

Hi,

You are not alone. We suffered the same experience 4 years ago, my wife miscarried just after realising she was pregnant.
The hurt is very real and I totally empathise, but please understand that your feelings are natural. If you feel like crying, cry. I know its hard, but its easier to let go of the first pregnancy, especially after a short time of "knowing". It gets harder the more in you are.

One more thing, you can get false positives with over the counter pregnancy tests, and you might, just might, have had a late period. Hold onto that thought, and remember not to test yourself on the day of your missed period.

All the very best

Answer 9

A problem halfed is a problem shared. Once you have had a talk with your partner it may get a little easier. It may have just brought out your needs to start a family, which you didnt realise before, that can be a wonderful yet scary realisation. With out sounding too harsh, just remeber its not the end of the world, one day you will go on to have a wonderful family. Just remember time is a great healer.GOOD LUCK and chin up :-D

Answer 10

Just know that there are many people out there who have been in your shoes and they have felt the loss of their child as strongly as you are. Grieve for your child, but do not let that grieve take over your life. I have miscarried four babies, with one of them actually the twin of my last child. I bled badly enough for it to have been a normal period and you can imagine my relief when I went to the Dr and after and ultrasound they said I still had one baby there. I found it impossible to believe that any baby could still be there after the amount of blood I had lost. But he held on for 6mths all up and was born by emergency c-section. Make sure that you have lost your baby, see a Dr. as soon as possible. I don't know how often women would bleed as heavily as I did and still manage to not loose both babies, but the Dr told me that sometimes in the case of twins that does happen. It certainly amazed me.