My wife asked for a divorce, and she has been seeing someone else. I tried to get her to change her mind, suggest counseling, anything to try to make things work, but she said she loves me but not in love with me. The guy she met she was getting real close to, they said they love each other. Now within a 2hr time period last night, she goes from being in love with him to breaking it off, she said things were going too fast. What is she thinking? I don't know if she wants to try and reconcile with me or is she just scared of being in a serious relationship so soon after a breakup. We have been married 8yrs and we have had our ups and downs, but she said she wants to be head over heels in love with someone and she says that she doesnt feel that way about me anymore. I know I need to give her some time to think about things, but how can I show her that I still want to be with her without smothering her?
2007-02-21 20:57:40 · 20 answers · asked by Confused 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If you wife expects to be "head over heals" in love for the rest of her life then she has an unrealistic expectation of how a relationship works and will probably go from one relationship to another. Clearly there were problems in her relationship with you or she wouldn't have started seeing this other guy. I think your approach is absolutely right, she needs space to work things out, but if you still want to be with her, just tell her. Tell her you are prepared to wait, a while, for her to resolve her issues, but remember it's not just about her. You need to accept that you may have to move on from this relationship. So be sure she knows that you can't guarentee you'll wait forever.
Good luck
2007-02-21 21:06:55 · answer #1 · answered by gerrifriend 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she is at the point where she has asked for a divorce, she has probably made her mind up. I am sorry for your pain, but I am speaking from experience. I was married for 7 yrs, happy for the first 2, not happy for 2, and downright miserable for 3. I knew for 2 years that I wanted out of my marriage but didn't know how to. I did start seeing someone else, foolishly thinking that it may help give me the courage to walk away, or if hubby found out then there was nothing for me to do but pick up the peices, then I didn't have to be the one to say it's over. Even when I knew 100% that he had a girlfriend, i didn't want to be the one to end it. It was a cowardly way, and I know that now. But once I got to the point that I said "divorce" it was done, I felt a huge burden lift from me, and it was over. Neither of us had been happy for 5 years, and that is no way to live. If your wife is looking for "head over heels" she sadly has not yet faced reality. Head over heels doesn't last forever, but a good, strong deep love with a solid foundation takes you from head over heels right straight into the security of true happiness (even in the down times) that will sustain you through life (it's out there, I've found it). While I know your life hurts right now, and you are left standing there shaking your head in shock asking "what happened", it will be better. She is never going to be really happy, and she has made her mind up that you won't be able to do it for her at all. Let her go. She may regret loosing you one day, maybe it won't be too let then to salvage at least a friendship. Just let her go. Pick yourself up, and one day you will have someone who will last. If you have children, don't ever say negative things about their mother in front of them, and try not to let them see you in the depths of your pain. Divorce is hard enough on kids, they don't need to come out the other side feeling as though they should hate 1 parent and love another, your anger and hurt is your anger and hurt. It should not be placed on them.
It isn't that she is leaving you for someone else (she broke it off with him), but the idea that she can have more and feel more. She will more thanlikely never be fulfilled
I wish I could offer you more hope. But it sounds like she is finished. I'm Sorry
2007-02-22 05:15:03 · answer #2 · answered by picture . . . perfect 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do u know with whom she is now in love ?
Explain her that today she is leaving u after a relationship of 8 years just for somebody else, maybe in future that person will leave her for the same reason. Make her understand that u still love her. Give her a time. If she still doesn't want to continue then let her go, she will realize her mistake which may be too late.
If u are really concerned about her then u can find out the person's character, family backgraound etc. if he too is married then u can also tell her that she is spoiling somebody else life also.
best of luck
2007-02-22 05:09:26 · answer #3 · answered by sweetie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your wife is a witch spelled with a capital B. got it? A considerate man like you should learn that women like your wife are not to be taken consideration of. Get a divorce, and maybe, someday you will find someone who can love you honestly and truthfully, maybe the two of you just are not meant to be with each other. Don't give her the time, give her the divorce papers already. Much luck!
2007-02-22 05:23:59 · answer #4 · answered by queenbee_tch 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if she isn't in love with u, and wants the thrill of being in love, that lust thing we feel when a relationship is new, she is not serious about making your marriage work, because marriage and staying with someone is a choice we make no matter what we feel, she is seeking a certin feeling. the honeymoon stage wanes after a time, with every relationship, so she is being unrealistic, and will keep chasing her wants, but will be unable to find. personally i think u may be beating a dead horse here. right now she isn't sure, but she will go back to him, because this is what she seeks in life. don't put any faith and trust in her right now, distance yourself, and protect your heart, if u trust it u are only setting yourself up for more hurt.
2007-02-22 06:34:42 · answer #5 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Time for you to make a new direction with your life. If you love it, set it free, and it will come back if it was meant to be. Get your mind off of her and get your mind on you. Do some things for yourself to make yourself happy. Right now this is the best thing you can do. If you are at any way clingy to her it will drive her away, so why even bother? Focus on yourself.
2007-02-22 05:04:03 · answer #6 · answered by phishycoding 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me that it's not that she is undecided about either you or him, but that she is facing some kind of crisis about herself. 'wants to be head over heels'? Thats just silly and childish and ain't going to happen. Thats for teenagers, not for a grown woman, Real love is deeper and much much more fulfilling, if only she'd realise it. It's going to be hard, but try to keep cool, don't be a doormat, but stand back and let her sort out her head, but also a subtle reminder that there is a time limit to your patience wouldn't be a bad thing.
2007-02-22 05:08:16 · answer #7 · answered by myfavouritelucy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
do u have any kids after 8 yr of marriage? if yes then u got chance to retain her as normally mother n kid r very closed in relationship.if no i also feel sorry to give u the best answer except divorce is d only solution.as many experienced people(married) said the most risky yr of a married couple is 7th yr.
2007-02-22 05:12:02 · answer #8 · answered by robert KS LEE. 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is immature and will not be satisfied with anyone. Is this the 'sacredness' of marriage I hear so much about? Does commitment mean anything anymore.
No one is every head over heels in love year in and year out. Your wife is mistaking lust for love and lust just won't last.
2007-02-22 05:05:11 · answer #9 · answered by Heidi 4 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
let her go. noone could walk "head over heels" for a long time. If she loves you ( and 8 years is not a short period, so she porbably does, well, not in that WOW! way, but still she does) she will realize her mistake and come back.
2007-02-22 05:02:33 · answer #10 · answered by mira j 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋