my ex won't contact his son ?

Question

HI everyone, me and my ex partner broke up 3 months ago after 7 years, we had been together since we were 15 and have a 4 year old boy. We had been through the relationship where he couldnt hold a job due to lazyness, chatting inappropriately on the net to other girls with innapropriate pictures etc, spent all his time on online gaming and spending the money on online gaming etc which we couldnt afford aswell as many other factors.I just decided i didnt love him anymore. we broke up a year before and i took him back i think purely for the fact i felt sorry for him as his family dont really care about him. he didnt get in touch with his son last time for 2 months untill i took him back when i found out he was getting in trouble with the police. He said he was going to change that time around and he didnt. This time after 3 months of nothing he has emailed me saying how much he misses his son, but cant see him because he is so depressed and if it wasnt for having my son he would have

killed himself when we first broke up. But he wont even make a phone call to him when im encouraging him to contact his son, i dont understand i feel like im being made to feel sorry for him again and being emotionally blackmailed. I dont love him and if i took him back feel as though it ould be purely because i felt sorry for him and i dont want that. he says hes so depressed but spends all day listening to music and all night playing online games do you think hes playing mind games with me and what do you think about the contact issue and him thinkng of his own feelings and not his sons?

thanks for your comments so far guys made me feel so much better :) i dont want my son to start seeing his father right away and have told him this due to telling me he is so depressed ( which i find hard to believe) but just wanted some phone contact to start with them both which he will not do when ive given him the option. but your right i should leave it and let him do it and do the running.

lol to christine j, he comes from a family like that NONE of them work, I have been the provider since my son was born and attend full time uni :), you are all right i need my head banging against a brick wall and to stop feeling sorry for him ! :)

Answer 1

Well sounds like that he has some issues, and i think perhaps you and your son are better off without him anyway. It could only cause unwanted let downs in the future for and you lil son. Dont forse it to happen. If eventually he decidds he wants to see him then by all means let it go but if he continues to things as he is doing and is letting your son down then leave it be and dont bother with him. Just think of what is best for your son. Good luck

Answer 2

I think you are wasting your time listening to this guy and his excuses. You and your son are better off without him, and if he really wanted to get in touch with your son he would have. Dont let him use emotions to blackmail, manipulate and use you. I have a brother like that, and he is exactly the same. He wants other people to do the work so that he can live large, and not face his responsibilities. He needs to sort out whatever issues he has.

You on the other hand need to move on and stop paying attention to him. Maybe that will wake him up and he will learn to do something for himself.

Good luck

Answer 3

My two sons ages 10 and 12 havent seen their father in a year and they have done nothing but improve their lives in that time. Their father has spent time in and out of jail so much the courts will not let him see them until he seeks professional help and he has made no effort to do so. You cannot make someone be a good father. The boys and I have been given the guilt trip for 5 years and it wasn't until I remarried that I saw what the man was doing to his kids. Deadbeat parents have an agenda, and that is for their own self not their children. By not being proper parents makes them dead beats, its not all about money. Your son is lucky to have you as a mother and your job now is to make his life comfortable and not expose him to the wrongs of his father. Maybe one day your ex will see the importance of a relationship with his son, until then hang in there and be strong for your boy. Don't give in to guilt trips for the sake of your son.

Answer 4

Hi,when my wife and i separated,there was a lot of hate between us,but the one thing that never diminished,was the love and the need to see my children.I think that this man is a fool,to give up the chance of being loved by a child(there is no love like it),you will be better off without him.You seem to be a caring and thoughtful person,forget the father,move forward with your child,and explore the better things in life,i wish you all the best for the future

Answer 5

It sounds like your ex is very embarrassed of himself and his situation. Your ex won't want to see his son in that condition. You've mentioned some compulsive behaviours he has, plus a recent depression, not being able to keep a job and such. Doesn't sound like your typical "dream boat" but he most definitely is a father. :)

I'd say give him some time and be caring when your son asks about his dad.

From your additional information, those behaviours are present with depression. Your ex could use some treatment. Staying up all night, on line a lot, suicidal thoughts, not working, all contribute to depression. You got mixed up with a man who has some deep problems. They are not yours to fix! Because you don't like his lifestyle, doesn't mean he's going to change it.

Answer 6

Dont take him back he needs to grow up and think of his son not himself he is trying to make like its your fault dont let him do that to you your little boy is better off without him showing him how to be lazy all day. He says he would kill himself if it wasnt for your son than says he is so depressed he cant see him that doesnt even make any sense at all. He needs to get a job to pay you child support. And you wondered why his family doesnt care for him. They raised the kid he scams everyone dont take him back.lol

Answer 7

The best thing to do is leave it to your ex to make contact - he sounds like he has some issues he needs to resolve, but you can't do that for him he has to do it for himself.

While he has these problems in his life, your son may be better off having little contact with him, but if your ex does want contact with his son at a future date then encourage it.

If you don't love him anymore and he hasn't changed in the past then you need to move on with your life, for the sake of your son.

Your ex will make contact when he is ready, but don't worry if he doesn't. My ex rarely contacts his two sons and he now has no relationship with them at all as a direct result of his own actions, but they are well adjusted individuals and make their own decisions now regarding their father (although they are older at 10 & 12)

Answer 8

It sounds as if you have done the best thing at the moment which is to be without your ex. He sounds like he needs help and it will be up to whether or not he wants to change himself and his life around - it is not up to you to fix him. For your part, you have your own life to live and more importantly a son to look after and to whom you have a duty to provide a stable and happy foundation with or without his father. There is not a lot you can do if he will not contact his son! Maybe he feels unable to do so at the moment.... I think you ought to focus on yourself and your son at the moment as if you are well and stable you will be more able to provide your child with what he needs. Your son will be fine and who knows, his dad may come round one of these days. Do not play on guilt with your ex or expectations with your son, it will only make things worse. Give your ex time to sort himself out so that when he is ready to see his son he is in a position to be a better father - it sounds like he clearly can not do this at the moment and sadly it falls to you to be the main provider and supporter of your child. At the moment it seems as it is best for your son not to be around him!

Good luck with it all and hang on in there

Answer 9

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Answer 10

hes playing mind games leave him alone i know you want your son to know his father but do you really want your son looking up to a jerk like that? get a new man who will be a positive influence on both your lives