my kids have accused step- father of molestation. what do i do about who to believe? what would you do?

Question

i chose to believe my kids and filed with the police, and he no longer lives with us. it's been 6 months since then and the police have not done anything more.he says they are lying because they don't like him. but they say it happened and they would not lie about something this important, i believe. i love all of them very much but the doubts are eating me alive. who do i believe? if it's proven false what then? if you were him and it's false what would you do? i had no chose it was the kids over him right now but could you understand and forgive me for doing this to you? i'm stuck in the middle i just do not know what to do. please help?

Answer 1

For your own good Mom, listen to your kids!!!!! It is better safe than sorry! I am 22 years old and I was molested by my step-father beginning at age 8. I told my mom every time he touched me and she continued to go back to him. The abuse eventually died down after I turned 12, but I have to live with this man everyday and its torture. My senior year in high school I nearly lost my mind because the thought of him in my presence made me uncomfortable. The police were then brought in. By that time the rest of my family knew what had happened to me. I love my mother to death and I would do anything for her. She was miserable through the whole thing. Over the years he admitted to molesting me to my mom, but took his statements back in court. He spent ONE night in jail and my mom bailed him out. She also came to me one night and said, "You know maybe you haven't been truthful with me because he told me you came on to him!" I looked at her in disbelief and decided from that point I wasn't going to say another word to any lawyer.

She says she just wanted everybody to be happy and close like a family. Which that is a GOOD reason, but did that have to come at my expense?

I am still in college and I struggle every so often with the issue. My mother and I are like best friends, but that is only because I choose not to say anything about it just to keep the peace in their household. I also need a place to stay while I finish my schooling. So many times I wanted to ask her, "why did you stay?" In July, I am expecting a lot of drama because I will be a parent. And there is NO WAY I could ever trust my mom spending time with her grandchild with "that Man" around. I don't trust him to be around any children for the simple fact that if he does it again it will be my fault because I should have had him locked away.
The point is, prove to your children that you love and care for them!!! The memory haunts me everyday, but if my mom had chose to leave I think it wouldn't be as painful. If you don't stick with them, it will haunt THEM forever, not you!!!

Answer 2

When I began my relationship with a single mother of two adolescent girls, it didn't take me long to figure out how manipulative and deceitful teens can be, especially when they've been subjected to parental alienation brainwashing during a custody battle. Early in our relationship, I told my girlfriend that I was concerned that I could be falsely accused of mistreating her children. As a result of this conversation, we have been conscientious about making sure that I am never alone with the kids so that any false accusations can be refuted with eyewitness testimony. Despite these precautions, my girlfriend and her youngest daughter has, on more than one occasion, made false accusations of sexual misconduct against me in an attempt to avoid compliance with reasonable parental authority. My girlfriend, because of the precautions we've taken, knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that the accusations are false, yet CPS continues their fishing expedition for anything they can use against us.

Answer 3

Believe your kids! If it came from them without any due cause then there's a reason for it. Your responsibility is to your children, not him! Molestation isn't the kinda things kids 'come up with'. The kids probably don't like him, and with very good reason! Get them to a professional, though. Interviewing the kids can get really messy if the parents get involved. Pressing your kids may get them to say things that aren't true because they want to please you.

As for if it is false, chances are the step-father is going to say it's false. Everyone is going to say it's false. The whole thing may be proven false. That does NOT mean it did not happen. It means he's trying to save his ****. Be fore-warned that many will blame you as well - because unfortunately that's the way stuff like this plays out. (you're trying to get back at him, ruin his reputation, you told the kids to say it, you abused them, you knew and encouraged it, you were molested as a kid and trying to get back at the perp by having your kids blame him, and worse)

Also, be aware that kids may retract their stories if they feel you are upset by it, that they were/are bad because of it, etc. (That does NOT mean it did not happen. It's just normal developmental behavior) Get the kids and you into a good therapist pronto before it gets bigger because it will get bigger and you want to be ahead of the game, not behind it on this one.

Answer 4

I think you have absolutely done the right thing. When I was a child the same thing happened to my sister and I. It was my uncle who did it, my dads brother. After a few years of realizing it was wrong I talked to my older sister who explained that the same thing had happened to her. We both approached my mum and dad together and they were on our side. I don't know how I would have felt if they hadn't believed us, that would have been unforgivable. You know your own kids and its a parents instinct to know when something isn't right. In the end my uncle admitted to it but we decided not to press charges because we didn't want to go through the courts and have to go through all that. My heart goes out to you because it is a very difficult situation but I think you have handled it very well and you should give yourself more credit.

Maybe arrange some counseling for the kids, at least give them the option if they want to go and talk to someone about it. I didn't go see anyone and feel like I should have at the time because I've bottled it all up and it still affects me now and again.

Good luck and try not to worry.
Feel free to email me direct if you would like a bit more advice :)

Answer 5

take them for counselling. Maybe they have a way in getting the truth. But if it is too serious then go to the cops. They can sort out this matter and will be for the well being of ur family in the future. Explain to ur husband u need to do something or u may loose them in the future. I'm sure ur husband as a grown up would understand. Prerably go for counselling or get a close relative to talk to ur kids. Maybe it is they hate ur husband and passing this kinda remarks.

Answer 6

I'm with you on this one. I don't know the background, such as the level of credibility of the kids or the guy. But, to protect the precious kids, I'd have to give them the benefit of the doubt, rather than think of it as a conspiracy on their part. If the guy was that good a provider and that good a stepfather, why would they hate him so much to level such a serious charge at him? The fact that you love him is of no consequence since you must love the children and protect them until age 18 (if you're in the U.S.). It was obviously smart of them to come to you about it; too many have kept it to themselves. It must have been scary to them to have to tell you.

Answer 7

Wow I hope your kids are telling the truth b/c if there not they have seriuos issues. You need to stick to your kids no matter what or at least until you find out the truth. He will likely have to go to court for this or you need to ask the police what is the next step like charging him I think thats whats going to happen. And why isnt he in jail thats what usually happens.lol

Answer 8

how old are your kids? and i would put my kids over anyone, ask the police why they havent done amything yet, maybe take the kids to a conselor and see if they can help the kids. if they were molested they need to talk to a professional okay , good luck this is a hard thing to deal with im so sorry let them know that it is a good thing they told you.

Answer 9

You did the right thing by supporting your children because if you don't who will? If they lied and he doesn't understand that your kids come first then he isn't worth a crap. You need to push the cops to farther investigate the situation though that way you aren't always wondering if its true or not.

Answer 10

Damn...if theres a chance your kids may lie about such things and your completely just ok with that being one of your thoughts reconsider your thought pattern please,for the kids....Remove the person away from the children fast.then figure it out,,better safe than sorry.......BACKGROUND CHECK!!!!!!!!!!!