Why do married women get involved in emotional affairs with other married men?

Question

Is it right for a woman married for 14 years and having two kids to write a passionate loveletter to a happily married classmate?
Why don't women end their marriages before they start an affair?
Can one's inlaws influence a wife to disrespect her husband so much that she get in an emotional affair?
Do women in distress choose the pros and cons before they get involved in an extramarital affairs?
Can doubting the character of a women really drive her to actually live it?
Do women think of their kids and family reputation before they when they start an extramarital affair?
Is lack of something at home the main force behind this wayward behaviour?
Please answer any or all of these mind-numbing questions even though these have mased up my life more than they appear here.

Yeah, It's me. I enjoy crazycat's answer.

Answer 1

I have never once fully questioned anyone that could in clear conscious say they did everything they could have done to save a marriage when infidelity was involved. This is a crisis of honor. Nothing exist in a vacuum and there is always two sides to every story. Having said this the person the goes behind a spouses back to have an affair has shown their lack of integrity and personal ethics. This is your first indication of who has the real weakness.

Marital affairs can be explained but never justified. Infidelity is a betrayal of the worse kind. It hurts the family, the children, and the marital bond. The whole family emotional health is in jeopardy in this scenario.

When a man or a woman get romantically involved outside of the marriage it is strictly a selfish, self-centered, and self-justified act. Of course all the other controlling consequences are not factored in. The unfaithful is only seeing their side of the equation. They want what they want without out opposition. This is also an act of illusion and disillusion. This is a crisis in communication and an inability to express their real concerns in the midst of opposition.

Yes the other side of the equation, the husband or wife, carry culpability. To what degree open discussion can only reveal this information.

Answer 2

There is very seldom any black or white answer to these issues. i think that anyone who gets involved emotionally or physically while married, and especially with another married person, is unhappy and looking for some way to fill a void. it's not okay though. there may be several contributing factors, but at the end of the day, an adult knows what is right and wrong, and you are the only one who is responsible for the choices you make. sometimes things may start innocently enough and snowball from there.
but infidelity is still ..infidelity. emotional or otherwise. it's not okay. it hurts and affects so many people, not just the spouse.

Answer 3

There's really no answer that you're going to find any solace from.

It's not right for someone to write love letters. And people sometimes don't end marriages because they still love their partner. The problem is, love can grow during a marriage while passion fades. Work, kids, life... they all make it more difficult to keep the spark alive. Again, no excuse. She's wrong. But it happens. And all those questions you listed ... those are all factors that can also contribute to a break, but there's no magic bullet. There's not just one thing. Lots of things collide and sometimes relationships are shattered.

I truly hope you can find some peace, whether with your wife or without her.

Answer 4

There is a reason that women get in emotional affairs. They are not gettign what they NEED from their spouse. I'm not saying that it is right by any means. When a woman does get into an emotional affair usuallu its by accident and they weren't looking for it. So no they don't think about their kids or their spouse because 1. Everything moves so fast. 2 They are so caught up in feeling loved again that they don't stop and think what they are doing.

Answer 5

Women...

There is a reason why so many romance novels sell so much.. Women fantasize a lot. Not that she wants to end her marriage.. not that she wants to leave her husband.. not that she wants to cause trouble with her classmate's marriage... but that she needs some fantasy in her life..

There are many things that can come in effect before this "virtual" romance takes place... Depression, not feeling as sexy as she used to, lack of passion (not love) in her marriage.. married too young.. or married too inexperienced in life and now after kids and 14 years of married life.. feeling a little dull... A woman's bored mind is a dangerous thing.

Some of the questions you mention seem to imply that she has been maybe "put down" or has low selfsteem due to comments or bad treatment towards her character... that can drive anyone into an "irrational" state and thus cause things like this "virtual" romance to happen. (Can one's inlaws influence.... , Can doubting the character of a women ... )

So I think the husband and the woman in question need to sit down and see what is it that is missing or what is it that can be done to fix this situation... most probably she doesn't want to end her marriage.. or she would have done it already.

Answer 6

I just Googled the Women Who Have Emotional Affairs Club and I cannot find a local chapter.
I want to give you a good answer but cannot get past the obvious fact you have a chip on your shoulder for all women. You can easily answer yes to most of your questions...maybe she just isn't that in to you anymore. It's just a letter. If you love your wife you should tell her so and try to work it out.
Repeat after me: It was just a letter!

Answer 7

no it is never right to write love letters to someone else, they don't end their marriage because they probably really don't have a real connection to the other man. in laws can influence marriages easily. i do not believe that people actually do alot of thinking about the consequences of affairs before getting in them. if u accuse and doubt her it could affect her self concept and cause her to cheat. the reason for the cheating is she does not feel comfortable talking to the husband, as he may always be unapproachable emotionally, he may find fault with her, be distant, and make her feel bad about who she is, because he just isn't with her, and they may not agree on anything about life, which will push her away.

Answer 8

I don't think it's just women... it's men, too... she probably was in need of a mental/physical/emotional connection that she wasn't getting with her husband and found it somewhere else. And when they do that, they're being selfish. She should be thinking about her children before donig such an immature thing.

Answer 9

I cant answer for married women involved cuz i didnt do it when i was married.
however, I would say that just talking to another man who seems to enjoy talking to you as a 'person' ...not as housekeeper, not as a diaper changer, not as a cook, or career girl or whatever....the guy is giving one on one attention, appears interested in what you have to say and shows concern over her health and wellness, how was her day, what did she do...compliments her on her hair or clothing........something husbands dont do. husbands ask for food, ask for clothes, ask wheres this and wheres that, etc. etc. He forgets 'her' that she's a 'woman' and women like that special attention that is a rarity among husbands to acknowlegde her. When a husband looks at beauties on screen or on the street....we notice. you are noticing a woman...and how you'd like to talk to her and get her to talk to you...so we know how you will be sweet and kind and attentive....we know you can be that way...cuz you once were!
you look at the other women for their physical attributes and sex appeal....you look at your wives...and they can be just as pretty and sexy but youve become 'accustomed' to her as a 'domestic' instead of a woman. plain and simple. peace

Answer 10

I will tell you why this happens most of the time when a woman looks outside the marriage bond. most probably the man is working like crazy and is to tired to hear what she has to say about her day and how she looks and feels. This maybe boring and seemly not important when you too tired and have to wake up next day 4 or 5am to go to work. this guy becomes a workaholic because he thinks he is pretty good at his job, all often to late to realized what are the important things for his life.