im almost 20 and a come from a family of fairly well off cathlics. im in college i get good grades i attend church, but stuff happens and now my girlfriend is pregnant. im really scard of how they will react and how people will look at me now. i could really use some advice.
Thanks a lot
2007-02-21 18:47:40 · 25 answers · asked by Evan K 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
Honesty is the best policy. Just let them know what happened. But be prepared! If they are as religous as you say, they may expect you guys to get married, so it is a topic that you should also think about before dropping the bombshell so you can be prepared with an answer if they ask you. Good Luck!
2007-02-21 19:04:17 · answer #1 · answered by MRod 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are 20 years old so you are mature enough to raise a baby if that is what you and your girlfriend decide to do (adoption and abortion are other options), so you would get looked at like a 16 year old would... If your family is really religious they might be mad, but they love you and will be supportive of you either way and as long as you take responsibility for your actions, they should be proud. You can suggest that you are going to marry? You shouldn't be worried at all what people will think, and i'm sure they won't look at you any different. I got pregnant in high school when i was 17 and i didn't get it as bad as i thought... i was alot more scared than you, and it turned out for the better. Just make some plans on how you plan to approach the situation (marriage, finish school first, do both, etc) and present it to your parents. "mom, dad, i have messed up, but we plan to...." etc. just continue to get good grades, attend church, and do your studies and show that you are responsible enough to finish your college and raise your family.... Good Luck and best of wishes to you and your new family!!
(marriage is not forced and people won't look at you bad for not being married either just so you don't worry about that- i'm not married either, but we stayed together and no one says anything about it).
2007-02-21 21:51:40 · answer #2 · answered by lynn 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can identify with you, my husband and I were there at one time. I guess there is no good way to tell your family, but I would suggest that you tell them alone. This will give them the freedom to ask questions. If your girlfriend is there your parents may not feel free to ask questions. You can remind them that you are an adult, inform them of your plans, reassure them that you will finish college, and tell them how important it is to you that they are a big part of your child's life. They may be mad for awhile, but the very second that they see your baby, all problems disappear and the joy of being a grandparent takes over. My mom was so upset that she did not talk to me for six months, but when the baby was born, she acted as if nothing was ever wrong and she is an awesome granny. Parents worry about what people in the church are going to say, but when they find out that no one says any thing and most people are supportive, it usually is fine. Just be honest and tell them that you love your girlfriend and you made a mistake, then ask for forgiveness. Do the right thing and be a supportive daddy and husband. Children need a good strong father.
2007-02-21 19:03:03 · answer #3 · answered by gigi 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This was me 18 years ago. I was Catholic, in college, getting good grades and became pregnant. Before you tell your parents you should figure out what you and your girlfriend want to do. Do you want to have the baby (although morally wrong, she can have an abortion)? Does she want to have the baby? Do you want to get married? Do you love her enough to spend the rest of your life together? If you decide not to have the baby, there is no reason to tell your parents and bring up the whole abortion thing. Also, remember that if she chooses to have the baby, you don't have to get married if you don't want to.
If you decide to tell your parents, be honest about what you want. I would also recommend not having your girlfriend there when you tell them. They will be shocked and this will only make it more uncomfortable. Give them time to express their concerns and react without her there. I'm sure they'll be disappointed at first, but eventually they will come around. Afterall, you are their son and this baby will be their grandchild. Who cares how people will look at you? Most Catholics have sinned and only judge others to make themselves feel better. Catholics are so good at laying on the guilt. Your parents will come to love this baby and any decision you make.
Several factors should influence your decision. Will you and your girlfriend drop out of college? How will you support this baby? What type of work are you qualified to do? Do you love her? Are you ready for your life to change and to become a dad?
I decided to have an abortion and told my mom about it years later. Although she wasn't happy, she respected my decision. Five years later I married someone else and we had 3 beautiful children when we were ready. We finished college, had good jobs, grew up and were able to provide for our children.
Just remember whatever decision you make will affect the rest of your life. Don't do anything you'll regret whether that's having an abortion or marrying someone you don't want to spend the rest of your life with. That will only lead to heartache and pain in the future. God will love you no matter what you do. Good luck!
2007-02-21 21:02:43 · answer #4 · answered by Swim Mom 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
just tell them straight up, beating around the bush makes it worse. I would say get everyone together in one room and try to bring your girlfriend if you can and let them know. you are 20 and you are old enough to make your own decisions. If your parents are true catholics they will find a way to forgive you. I am about to turn 20 and I have a 2 year old girl and i wouldn't change a thing. My parents weren't happy at first but they sure are now.
2007-02-21 19:43:42 · answer #5 · answered by wishbear3687 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seriously, get married as soon as you can. You have to tell your family and they are going to be concerned because they want their grandson/granddaughter to be in a good home. Just do it. Tell your family as straightforwardly as you can - just tell them and be responsible - for your wife and your child. It's a big thing but it is a reality, not a dream. Try to imagine your family 5 years from now. A lot of changes will have taken place, not all of them well-planned. You need their emotional support, maybe some financial (although that is your responsibility), and their helpful advice for a thousand little things along the way. Be strong. Support your wife emotionally, too, because you are facing this together. Good luck and God bless! You should not let your college work slide; be careful to keep that up as well.
2007-02-21 19:26:56 · answer #6 · answered by kathyw 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Hey, dude, you just have to straighten your spine, buck up and assume the responsibility - you can do it! Don't worry about the reactions - people understand how these things happen. Get married as soon as possible, be a good husband and a great dad!
Just tell your parents straight out - that's the best. Good luck!
2007-02-22 01:42:54 · answer #7 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just be honest - you can't worry about how people will look at you - if they are judging you then shame on them. My Pastor's daughter got pregnant at 19, wasn't married, what can you do - it happens - it never even crossed my mind to judge her - I had sex before I got married, the only difference between me and her was that I didn't end up pregnant. I hope you both get all the love and support you need.
2007-02-22 08:30:18 · answer #8 · answered by Zabes 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, congratulations for your girlfriend's pregnancy. Having another life is a wonderful thing and it's just beautiful. Now, take a deep breath and calm down a bit.
Things happened and you can't go back. There's really 2 choices for you. Either ditch her, or be with her. If you choose to ditch her, well, you'll look like a jerk for sure. If you choose to be with her, which is another hard choice...but you can make up to look good in the end.
Your family might get upset, but they'll have to accept it soon or later. You and your girlfriend are going to have to work hard for it. Think what's the best for your child...it's the number one priority.
Good luck and I hope things will get better for you. Take care!
2007-02-21 18:58:53 · answer #9 · answered by Este 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
the word is catholics...( I see you don't get good grades in spelling)
What are you more scared of, your parents knowing (that a good catholic) is having sex before marriage (which shouldn't matter), your parents thinking that they're paying for school and you're just fooling around (no matter how good your grades are), the fact that your girlfriend is pregnant and you have no way to support her and the baby, or the fact that she's pregnant period ???
You're in college...over 18 I presume, then act like an adult. Tell them about the baby and what your plans are ( I'm also assuming that you are formulating some, NOW that you didn't use protection, or it failed).
All they can do is get mad...if thats what frightens you, you REALLY need to grow up...(if you're a trust fund baby and you're afraid they'll disown you...well...thats too bad..live like 99% of the country...on money you make.)
2007-02-21 18:57:58 · answer #10 · answered by Chrys 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋