My husband had gotten into some bad trouble in our home state of WA, got me mixed up into it, and had me convinced that if I stayed I would lose our daughter. So I left to NC with him. After a year of emotional abuse and fear of being found by the authorities, I got fed up and took our daughter back to WA to face the legal trouble and get my life back together. My husband (soon to be ex-husband) refuses to come back and face his part in this mess, has felony warrant out for his arrest. He has made it clear that he will never come back. Our daughter is 3, and after being home for a little over a month, she has finally started asking me and my parents where her daddy is ("But Gampa, if you're home from work, when is Daddy coming home from work?"). I don't know how to explain to her. I don't bad-mouth him to her, I simply tell her that he is "at work". But how can I explain his absense to her if she doesn't understand the depth of the trouble he is in?
2007-02-21 18:43:25 · 14 answers · asked by Ghost Writer 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Whatever you do, don't lie! This could come back and kick you so hard in the A S S that you could only regret it! Although she is too young to understand it all, simply explain things on her term. What happens to her when she is in trouble> Say it gently...Daddy didn't obey the rules and now he is in trouble. Answer her questions truthfully, but gently, you do not want to scare her.
2007-02-21 18:50:19 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is a very difficult situation you are in. I am so sorry you are having to go through this and he is being such a coward. He should have the responsibility of telling her something, however, it is obvious from your question. That taking responsibility for his actions is not one of his strong points. I would simply tell her that daddy, has got some big problems right now and until he takes care of them, he will be unable to come home. Leave it at that. I would not lie to her and tell her he is at work. This leaves her to expect him to come home, and he is not. Simply, tell her the truth, at least as much as she can absorb. He has gotten himself into some trouble. And until he takes care of it, he will not be able to come home. Sooner or later, they will catch up to him, then you are going to have to explain the prison system to her. So better now than later. Good luck to you and God bless. I will keep you and your family in my prayers. I hope for the sake of your little girl, he grows to the level of maturity to take responsibility for his actions and get it over with. God bless****
2007-02-21 18:59:19 · answer #2 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is way to small to know all the details of her father's shady business... you can explain to her that Daddy is living in another city because he has things he needs to fix and can't get back home until everything is fixed. That way you are not really lying to her.. and gives you opportunity to explain a little more later on as she gets older .. what those things that needed to be fix are..
2007-02-21 18:49:08 · answer #3 · answered by JeanMa 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
dont say anything that will confuse or cause her to be sad.
'Daddy's moved away. He's going to miss you soooo much.
He has things to do that are very important that I will explain to you when you get older. In the meantime, I will teach you your alphabet and learn to write it so you can write letters to your daddy. ok?" dont bad mouth him. always make her feel loved and wanted by him. there's no good to come from a child who doesnt feel loved by a parent!! keep up her self esteem...kids are born with it...we sometimes take it away unintentionally as we involve children in our emotional problems. keep your daughter around people who love her and make her happy.
keep her busy and preoccupied and distract her immediately when she mentions her dad ...first offer that youre sure he's thinking of her too...if she asks again. calm her kindly, then distract her to something fun and happy. peace. happy mothering!
2007-02-21 19:00:41 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
the first thing is not to lie to her and say he is at work. you can tell her that he is working in another state, far away. she understands work enough that she knows he should be coming home and that can lead to other problems. Does he call her? if not you need to make sure that door is open to him. it sounds like he is a coward, but he, and his love towards her is the most important thing in her life. if she doesn't have connect with him, she will have problems with men all of her life.
2007-02-21 22:15:14 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her the truth that her father got in trouble with the law, ran away and won't come back to face what he has coming.
2007-02-22 06:19:38 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her the truth in the best way that she will understand. My father was very similar and my mother was truthful with me from the beginning. She just always told me that he was mixed up but that it did not mean that he didnt love me. Wouldnt you rather tell her the truth then making him up to be something he is not and her getting hurt oneday?
2007-02-21 18:53:30 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd tell her as much of the truth as she can handle at her age.
Children are smater than most people give them credit for...
As she gets older, add more and more truth...I bet she handles it better than you think.
2007-02-21 18:47:52 · answer #8 · answered by Chrys 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
tell her her dad is going other country for many year.and when he grow up then tell her about the truth.it could be cruel better try it thsn to let u child noe how big the problem is.
2007-02-21 18:52:57 · answer #9 · answered by cutiegirlask 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Go to the drphil website. There is good material on it.
2007-02-21 19:05:15 · answer #10 · answered by Fiona M 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋