We have been living apart for the last 6 months(June,2006) after 14 years of marriage and she is staying with my inlaws and I am living in an apartment. I did all I could to bring her back but failed. We been meeting regularly and even slept together often. Soon after our seperation she met her happily married classmate with whom she had been in email contact for 1 year and wrote a loveletter to him telling him how she loves and needs him,begging him not to forget her(July). I found the letter last month and ever since she had been so nice to me though she even asked me to get lost and file for divorce. She writes in the letter how she doesn't wish to dominate her friend's wife and why he is the only person in her heart. She says now that she would have divorced me had she not loved me. I find it hard to understand these two contradictory stances. She asked for divorce only a month back but she is ready to live with me now.Her letter was a shock to me as we have kids who she loves much
2007-02-21 16:49:59 · 6 answers · asked by havah 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
She says she wrote it in desperation though full of heart but did not mean to pursue it as it was below her dignity. Maybe the guy cut it off! She states clearly where she stands in a relation with the guy, that is as a second fiddle and she was prepared for it. I don't see the logic of it as she could have chosen a better one than this and I would have been less sad. How to get on with this deep wound? Can I get over this as she shows lot more love for me than she ever did?
2007-02-21 16:54:40 · update #1
from the details provided, giving her the benefit of doubt, perhaps she fell into a time warp of sorts? ok, so Im grasping. but, try to imagine it this way....when you last saw a 'crush' or friend or relative that you hadnt seen in a very long time.....the last you saw of them, or the last 'emotions' you had is what you usually remember. poor examples but: I picked a magnolia flower from a low hanging branch of a tree and I closed my eyes and I smelled the flower deeply...and I swear, my mind and body seemed to be up into a tree, sitting on a branch, where I last smelled that flower! The experience was so real.
ok so, well, perhaps people find someone in their past, friend or foe, suddenly in their present. they lose track of the present emotionally, uno? now, she's trying to pick up the pieces, realize what the f*** did she just do to her fine marriage and her lovely husband and her sanity? sometimes, I think people just lose it sometimes and need to regroup. sometimes, makes u stronger, sometimes can plunge people into deeper depths if they stay too long in the past. you are her rope...her hope? of coming out of the depths. peace
2007-02-21 17:07:33 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are surely in a dilemma as to how you should respond to her changed behaviour. But I can suggest you a way out.
Just meet her once again and tell her that if she really wants to live with you again then she should wait atleast for three to six months more.
Why 3 or 6 months ? Because in this period she will again introspect about you and may change her mind again.
As I see she may be really loving you but she needs to make her mind again. So this 3 to 6 months gap will help her and you to understand each other better. Rather you both will realise whether you really need each other again.
In the end let me tell you one hard truth of life. It is really difficult rather impossible to expect from your wife to always remain with you and not open her heart to anybody else i.e. to her boy or girl friend.
If you can understand and accept this very harsh and sour truth of life then her meeting with her boyfriend will not hurt you too much.
Remember at the core of our existence we are all animals and in the animal kingdom there is no institution like 'marriage' but there is a natural phenomena of 'love' under which two male and female birds, animals do live together without any contract or binding.
If you need further assistance please write me at kad_vinod@yahoo.co.in
Thanks
Vinod Kad
Uneek Consultancy Services
2007-02-21 17:09:08 · answer #2 · answered by Vinod 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She didn't really love you or she wouldn't have left. She's insecure about being alone and will take anyone to make sure she has someone. A ten dollar bet says if the other guy said I want you and you two were back together again - she would pack a bag, move in with him, and drop you like a wore out pair of shoes. Sorry bub, you've been used like newspaper in a birdcage.
2007-02-21 17:00:44 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry, but, my guess is her happily married classmate told her just that. He's happily married and told her to get lost. He said no to her and now she's coming back to you. I know you love her and you have children together, but, please be careful of your heart if you take her back. She did it once she could do it again. Good luck.
2007-02-21 17:02:22 · answer #4 · answered by mjm52 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to decide if you really believe she wants to be with you or she is just going back to what she might be thinking of as settling do what is right for YOU not her you have to take yourself and your kids into this one if you have kids it isn't just about you and her anymore
2007-02-21 17:01:10 · answer #5 · answered by punk_gurl4190 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She went for him, it didn't work, she came back to you. You have to decide if you want her back or not.
2007-02-21 16:55:08 · answer #6 · answered by Ade 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋