my husband is abusive?

Question

I am confused and hurt my husband is cheating on me and he even told me to my face he said "so what f*** y*** do something about it." it is my home we live in he is not on the lease it is my truck he drives it is in my name. I want to kick him out but cant because he is abusive and wont leave without a fight and the risk of him hurting me very bad sure i could call the police but he will be out the next night or so then come back and abuse me more sure i can get a restraining order but he said he will still hurt me cause it takes 5-10min on till the police would even show up i don't know what to do why should i leave my home my kids are already enrolled in school here and i don't want to move he should be the one to leave there has got to be a way to use reverse phycology or something so he can leave on his own right?

Answer 1

If you live in a big city like La or NYC or any type of big city just pack your stuff when he is gone and just leave. Move to the other end of town or whatever just get out before you get seriously hurt or end up dead. If he know where you work let them know and let them know to call the police if he shows up at your work. I have been in that situation one time and I ran after he passed out drunk. I even hitch hiked in the middle of the night in Burbank California just to get out of the dangerous situation. Hitch hiking was scarey and dangerous but it was I either stay there and continue to get the **** beat out of me or take a risk on the street to get somewhere safe. So just get out !!!!!!!

Answer 2

Uh, you just had a baby and your hormones are probably still in overdrive. Give yourself a break! As to the horde of angry women answerers who seem to be advising you that your husband is definitely an abuser and *the MOST EVIL person in the World!"... all I can say is wow... with so little details in the question for so many women to jump to conclusions, well you all must be mind-readers (or are showing your personal bias). Is your husband abusive? I don't know. You say he's calling you horrible names, but without details there's no way to know. If he was laughing and calling you "my cute little snookums" and thought you were having a good time until you threw a glass at the wall then no, he's not abusive, just wasn't on the same page with you at the time. While he should have been sensitive to the fact that you were very sensitive, your reaction would have been way too extreme and you owe him an apology. On the other end of the spectrum, if he makes a regular habit of calling you four-letter words (maybe he's a gansta-rap wannabe and thinks it's cool to belittle you) and he likes to poke at you and enjoys getting a rise out of you, then there's something seriously wrong there and he could be abusive. I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt though since you married this man and then had a baby with him. It seems unlikely to me that you would have been foolish enough to do either of those if he were truly an awful and horrible person. As for you being abusive, well, like I said you just had a baby and it isn't unusual for emotions to run high. Throwing a glass at the wall is NOT acceptable behavior and shows poor impulse control, but at the same time it's also not the end of the world or an indication that you are some sort of horrible abusive person. If you'd thrown the glass at him with the purpose of doing him physical injury then yes, that would be displaying an abuse tendency. But as it is you simply lost your temper and took it out on an inanimate object. You shouldn't feel horrible about yourself, none of this is the end of the world. You've got a beautiful new baby now and there's a lot of joy in your future. Just accept that you're going to be on an emotional rollercoaster here for a while as your body recovers. Best of luck

Answer 3

You really need to get out of that marriage. Consider your own personal safety as well as your children's safety. File charges against him if he has physically harmed you. Get a protection order against him. I am willing to bet that your city, or even a neighboring city has a shelter for battered women and their children.
Seek help from your family and friends. Don't worry about the materialistic things in your home. They can be replaced. Find a good attorney and file for a divorce. They can be very expensive, but I'm sure they will take payments. The most important thing is to make a plan and stick to it. Don't even try reverse psychology. More often than not, an abusive spouse will continue their pattern of abuse. They will tell you they will change. they will promise to never ever hurt you again. The truth of the matter is, they will...Over and over again.
No spouse ever deserves to be abused. He may tell you, that you are worthless and try to degrade you. Just know in mind that you are a good person and deserve much better. Find a support group to help you through this, and please don't allow yourself to become another sad statistic.
Good luck,
Kevin

Answer 4

Please get out while you can. It will hurt your children a lot less to switch schools than it will to grow up without a Mom. I have had 2 friends that were killed by abusive men. Just go. The apartment, the truck, they can be replaced. You cannot, and neither can your children.
Do you want your kids to grow up and think that it's ok to be abusive and/or abused? Call around and see if there is a battered women's shelter in your town. They can usually help with counselling for you and your kids, a place to stay, and security.
You shouldn't have to leave your home, but sadly, that's the way this kinda stuff works.

Answer 5

I would also add to some of the excellent advice here to find out if there is a safe house in your town/county. You do need to think about your safety and the kids' safety in all of this. You can usually find out about these safe houses through the police station - in a situation when he gets violent - leave with the kids.

Do not let property be the reason why you stay. I do know you are in a terrible situation, but there is a speck a strength in you. I can see it, because you did take the first step, by asking this question - by reaching out and saying what I should I do.

It is possible that you may need to get out of town/out of state. Do you have relatives somewhere else? A place that could be safe for you and your children, and where some other people do know about your situation, so they could help look out for him.

Please remember that your kids are seeing what relationships are like, through watching your husband and yourself. Anytime a young child sees their mom get hit, it is as if someone is hitting that child (psychologically). Please know that many of us are rooting for you to find a peace, happiness and safety for yourself and your children.

I know that you will show your kids the example of being strong and courageous - you do not need someone belittling you or treating you bad. You are valuable as a person. I know you do that everyday you look into your kids' eyes.

Peace & take care,
debm

Answer 6

If he has hurt you or you have reason to believe he will hurt you then try to get to a shelter immediately. The sources below should help you find one. You can also contact your local family court for help. If you can stay with a friend or relative temporarily, until you can sort out what to do, then do that. If you believe your children are in danger then take them as well. You need to find yourself a good family court lawyer and talk to an individual/marriage counselor about what your next step should be. Good luck and God Bless.

Answer 7

Get family help. See an attorney and get yourself and your kids into a shelter if necessary.

If he gets violent you can contact the police, but you could also get a restraining order if you are worried he'll severely injure or kill you.

Don't worry about psychology. You probably don't have the specialized education you would need to make it work. It's safer to let law enforcement work for you.

Most important, contact your mom and dad or brothers and sisters. Get your family involved.

Answer 8

stop being afaraid!
empower yourself!
go out and buy some really good locks for the house. while he is at work pick up the truck and have the locks changed on that too!!! then kick his sorry behind out. make sure his thngs are on the porch and you have some friends stay with you for a while.
AND DONT BELIEVE ALL HIS RANTINGS ON HOW HE WILL COME BACK AND HURT YOU. IF YOU EVEN SEE HIM CALL THE COPS. A FIEW DAYS IN JAIL WILL CURE HIM OF THAT!!!
AND NEVER ALLOW HIM BACK IN!!!
NEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 9

You need to be more concerned about your safety and the safety of your children. Who cares who is on the lease, get out of there. The police can help you get your truck and other things back. Perhaps you can talk to your landlord about getting out of the lease.

Answer 10

Wow.. I cant believe i am hearing this. I would say report his *** to the police at once! He is playing you right now because he knows you wouldn't report or afraid to because he might used force on you. But please .. do urself a favor and those of you that loves would want you to the same as well. Take action ASAP and all the best!