i am a 30 year old women i am also the mother of 3 beautiful childeren. my husband works in the trucking industry and is only home for about 3 days every 11 days. when he comes home obviously he wants to spend time with me. he comes home with the hopes that we will make love. i do like to have sex with him but i would rather spend time just cuddling or watching tv. sometimes i do it just to please him. its not the i dont love him its just that i dont have the sexual appetite that he does. i do enjoy the sex when we have it but its not with my *whole body*. it dont have the desire that i did when we first got together. this has been happening to me since i gave birth to my son and he is 3 yrs old. has this happened to anyone else what do you think i could do to change this and make me more into it.
2007-02-21 16:14:41 · 17 answers · asked by fazugosgirl 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
AS a stay at home Mother of two boys eight teen months apart. I find it difficult to go from the mind set of : house keeper, cook, launder washer, bookkeeping, driver ,dishwasher, referee , and EVERYTHING else . To jumping right in to bed to make love at the end of the day. Woman in general need more down time to relax and unwind and get in to the mind set of making love . Pulse if you remember back to when you dated or were first married , the men in our lives would make an effort to be romantic.Now that were are married, it is almost like why should they go thought the effort, they know with little or no effort they are going to get some !!! So as you can tell I am in the same bout as you . I would suggest you sit down and talk to your husband about what your are going through, and what you need to help you. I HAVE , but mine thinks it is all me. So better luck , than I !!
2007-02-21 16:40:08 · answer #1 · answered by Kit 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry you feel this way but it Is real common in marriage, remember this he is wanting you and you only and he saves himself and comes home to you, not some bimbo on the road that he could pick up. He is trying to be a good husband and not cheat on you so his pent up desire he controls to be with you.as he drives he thinks of you and the urge gets stronger as time goes by, you should be grateful he saves himself for you when he gets home. Push him away and not only will he find it somewhere else but it will split up your family, marriage should be life sometimes it's a bed of rose's and sometimes it's a bed of nails. What do you want?
Don't just give in, talk to him he is a person and needs to know how you feel, he did not marry you becasue of just sex and he needs to fullfil your desires too, sometimes it's a give 150% your time and sometimes his is the 150% but don't ever thing he dosn't care, you are not letting him know and that will spell dister down the road because one or both of you will get fed up. TAlk it out without anger try to understand each other and your needs, don't press let him see the need he will come around because he loves you don't every forget that.
2007-02-21 16:26:01 · answer #2 · answered by Right 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am a very sexual person!!! but i do realize the change in me after i had my son last year. I feel less sexual and desire for it less. I guess there is just too much going on, by the time you are off to bed, you are too tired! Even when my husband wakes me up sometimes in the middle of the night, i still feel like i'd rather sleep. But its true, sometimes we do it to make them happy. OF course i'd rather cuddle and just spend time together, but for your situation, it is harder because he is always gone for a peroid of time. Me and my husband really dont care for sex much, it used to be like once a day but now its more like once a week.
2007-02-21 17:26:55 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
after my 3rd child i was very cranky and the last thing i wanted was my husband trying to mount me on top of him. my dr put me on zoloft to straighted my hormones out, worked like a charm. although my husband wants it every night, he doesn't get it. but try not ever turning him down and you will probably enjoy once you start. afterwards take a hot bath together, relaxing cuddle time. we always do that and we both are happy. if that doesn't work maybe you need to explore your body to see what else he could be doing to get you into it and whisper what you want him to do to you in his ear. trust me he would LOVE it. and if he loves you he will not go elsewhere. someone just has a big head and probably is not married, if so i feel for his wife!
2007-02-21 16:33:32 · answer #4 · answered by kchase 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like hubby is not spending the time to get you in the mood, I suspect he would really enjoy the difference if he did sit with you, talk to you and cuddle. If he excited your spirited and felt you and he were joined at the heart I believe you would respond more fully and enjoy the experience. The only way to make it happen is to tell him how you feel. Oh and be very careful you know just how bloody sensitive we men are about our sexual performance. Good luck
2007-02-21 16:23:24 · answer #5 · answered by smilingtalker_au 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Stick It Out And Just know Next Time Tell Your Consoler or A Trusted Adult If It Gets Worst Ask Your Parents If You Can Change School And Don't Deny it You Did it if somebody asks say nun of your damn business or why are you so worried about what i do?
2016-05-23 22:06:57 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am in a rut similar to yours. I find that it helps to take part in sensual activities like massage or showering together. I find that relaxing and letting the arousal come to you rather than forcing it can make a world of difference! Just relax and enjoy the process of getting there rather than just hopping right to it. This makes it feel more like the touchy-feely sex that women like but it eventually escalates to the jungle sex that men like because both parties are equally aroused.
2007-02-21 16:31:56 · answer #7 · answered by Sara C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
giving birth changes us.... I am like you..... I have to realy make the effort to be with hubby.... but that is the way it is, I suggest you make the effort by maybe taking a relaxing bath, with candles soft music, the whole 9 yards, to help YOU relax and become more soft.... I know it should NOT be this way, you are tired , etc...... lots going on I know !!! but sense he is gone a lot he does deserve the effort, he could be tempted to look elsewhere !!! *sigh*, sad but true..... so, I have to ask you , Is he worth the effort ??? there are games and role playing too !!!!! romantic picnics, etc....... God bless
2007-02-21 16:26:19 · answer #8 · answered by Annie 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is really one of those Mars - Venus types of situations. Women tend to find warmth, love, and security in cuddling. Men tend to equate love with sex. Try to go with it. Have sex knowing it's his statement of love and make sure you get your fair share of cuddling.
2007-02-21 16:21:59 · answer #9 · answered by SA Writer 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand how you feel about it. I myself felt this way too after I had my first child but I think that as you are his wife, you have to "please" him with his desires as it is yours. I think you should be honest enough to tell him that at times you wish to be together in your husband's arms around you and cuddling etc. You should let him know that.
Just think of it this way :- Bcos you love him, just give in to him.
2007-02-21 16:24:35 · answer #10 · answered by happy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋