I found my husband of 10yrs cheating on me and my anniversary is around the corner, he wants out and no regard for my daughter 8 yrs old. I have all the details on the person instigating him since he always never had brains to plan something on this large scale. He wanted to leave me in the lurch and leave country w/o informing me and also I need to sign the papers. I am an avid reader and a person of intelligence. I need to share my story without revealing my identity. I want to tell all the story of 10years of sufferings I have undergone. The extent I loved him and in the end he never had the guts to admit his affair and the main reason is he is protecting his GF as she is working in a very reputable company and at a very responsible position.All the time he wanted to portray the impression that it is only because of my fault he want out. I want to share my struggles I am going through and also plans of bringing him down.I want to start my own blog space I want info.
2007-02-21 16:12:32 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Yes, you are going through the most difficult phase of your life. So be calm. You are hurt and you have reason to be hurt and mad. All talk of getting even is the voice of your anger. It should play no part in your next course of action. It will destroy you.
I suggest you first confront your husband in an objective way to uncover his intentions. Once you are convinced he no longer loves you or plans to feature you in his life, do not react with anger. Come away from him and come to terms with what has happened. Spend some time with yourself or with a good friend. Life will still have much to offer though it may not look like it at the time. Next thing to do is to find a good lawyer who will act on your behalf to secure the finances you and your daughter will need during any separation or divorce. Approach this objectively. Keep all evidence of his infidelity(his affair) with you. Remember such evidence is valid only for a period of about 6mths in most legal systems. It is likely that your husband may not have the upper hand here. Once your divorce is settled, look forward to a grand life ahead with your daughter. Though it is difficult to see a bright future for you at this point in your life, rest assured many women in your position, are now living more meaningful lives than before. It is a time for courage, a time of change and a time for relfection.
I can sense from your question that there is the great need to pour out to others the 10 years of struggle you endured. Well do share with trusted friends your pain. You will need to cry over this to dislogde your anger.
Most decisions made with a heavy heart don't turn out right. So be patient and find your peace and let that determine your decisions and not your anger. Divorce in itself does not harm children. It is the manner in which husbands and wives act towards each other at this crucial time that destroys children. So your daughter is at an emotionally vulnerable time. She will be able to sense your sorrow and even fear her future. No matter how diificult it may be, you must act in a manner respecting her love for her father. This will not be easy now. But it is necessary for the mental and emotional health of your child. Your objective approach toward her dad is critical to her state of mind and future.
So look beyond what appears to be the end of your world and realise that perhaps this is the beginning of what is truly real in your life after all the deception you have experienced. Perhaps now you come closer to being cherished by someone else who will value you and provide you with a life of honesty and integrity so that when you devote your life to him, it will no longer be in vain. Don't you deserve, at least this much, after your 10 years of strive.
Leave the Past behind you. It does not exist. Look ahead at this new dawn. For today, focus on yourself and your darling daughter who will need your reassurances in the weeks to come.
If your pain still exists, email me if you need too. My heart goes out to you at this time. Take care and stay strong.
2007-02-21 18:30:46 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
As far as bringing him down, my question for you is why? Remember the old saying, if you look for revenge dig two holes - one for you and one for him. It's good that you are aware of his infidelity. The most important person here is your daughter. Kids are usually the ones hurt most throughout all the pitfalls of a broken marriage. If you can file the papers first it usually puts you in the drivers seat as to the way the divorce progresses. Even though it is hard to do, put the emotional part of this aside and start looking at this as nothing more than a legal case to acquire what is necessary for the best interests of your daughter. She needs financial support, insurance coverage, future college costs, and (whether you agree or not) open communication with her dad. Remain as civil as possible and calmly discuss with your husband(through attorneys) what settlement is adequate to meet your daughter's needs. Showing him your lack of interest in what he has done to you and what he does with his future love interest will throughly confuse him. Treating him as a defendant in a land contract dispute will also bewilder him. The less emotion that you show will help keep him off guard throughout the entire process. Think of it as using child psychology. Scream and cuss him in the privacy of your home(but not around your daughter), but show utter uncaring attitude for him in public. I can assure you that this will probably be the wisest way to gain what your daughter will really need for a secure future. It will also show your daughter that you are the more mature and responsible parent and give her a role model to be proud of. Good Luck!!!
2007-02-21 16:37:34 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let him go. he is weighing you down. join a church, join a club. get involved with your daughters interests, you really will be better off when he is gone. take all that energy that you are using to hate him and his GF and turn it to positive. get a makeover, do things for you and your daughter. Go horse back riding or to a amusement park, or just go stay in a hotel, swim in the pool, walk around window shopping with your daughter. Learn to laugh again, and laugh and giggle and be a girl with your daughter. i am sure she is seeing all this negative engery. Dont give your husband the satisfaction of seeing you like this. Make yourself up be happy around him, be a beautiful woman and never ever take him back. Good Luck
2007-02-21 16:30:41 · answer #3 · answered by dune nana 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
babe, it is time to move on and i know that is hard. start looking at what is best for you and your baby girl, he didnt do that so it is up to you. you have the right to be angry at the girl but, only if she knew he was married, that shows she has no self respect. but she couldn't make your husband do anything he didn't want to. that falls on him, you don't need a man that would do that. go out for a night maybe get drunk, let all your anger out-take a sober friend with you. then come home and start your new life. hope you feel better!
2007-02-21 16:42:28 · answer #4 · answered by kchase 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dear you are rightly very angry. But really you will not help yourself by letting the anger fester inside and it won't go away if all you are thinking about is revenge. You can't hide that from your daughter. Please just be happy that he is gone, he is a jerk and doesn't deserve your love. Just let him go and get on with being a happy woman loving and watching your daughter grow into a happy and mature young woman.
2007-02-21 16:19:44 · answer #5 · answered by smilingtalker_au 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What is the point? He wants to skip town and file for divorce, which you cannot stop. The worst that can happen to you if he disappears is you have no money from him for you and the child.
If you start anything that defames his GF, she might sue you for defamation.
Revenge is not the smart thing to do under this condition.
2007-02-21 16:18:53 · answer #6 · answered by Sir Richard 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think the healthiest thing for you to do is get a divorce and move on with your life. You were betrayed and hurt, but this isn't going to make any of that go away. Your desire for revenge or displaying his wrongs is only going to eat away at you, and it is not good for you or your child.
2007-02-21 16:30:03 · answer #7 · answered by kalea_kane 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
what you want is revenge.
don't make it look like the other woman did this to him. blame your husband for what your husband did... they both did it.
you said, he couldn't have done this on such a big scale as he is too stupid.
why make yourself look like a fool, and if you do what it is you are planing to do, that is exactly what you will look like!
get a divorce, and live a good life without him!!! that is the best revenge!!!
2007-02-21 16:32:40 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You and your daughter will be all right. But only if you forget him. Don't let him bring you down any more with your anger. You will be the looser. It will continue to destroy you.
2007-02-21 16:26:06 · answer #9 · answered by Dollydoright 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let him go and be glad he is gone. PLEASE tell your daughter that you will be there for her and that every thing will be ok. Focus on her and not on how you have been wronged. Focus your energy on something that matters. Don't waste your time on exposing him. It is over. Don't let it consume you.
2007-02-21 16:28:47 · answer #10 · answered by hillbilly_coon 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋