How long is a good courtship?

Question

I have a steady and long term relationship with this girl I love very much and dearly. We are in a long distant relationship. We both want marriage. I am currently in school and have a year left to go. Recently her parents told her she could not get engaged till I graduate. We have been dating since September. Her parents say that we are rushing, but we don't want our marriage till like Dec. or next May. She also has twin boys so they cite the age old thing parents say, "how will you support them?" which is a valid question. So I want to know based on all this what is a good courtship length? Is a year too quick? I know people that get married in less time than that. I would appreciate mature and well thought out answers and back your point up somehow. Thanks

Answer 1

Fifty years should be about right.

Answer 2

It really doesn't have to do with a certain length of time. It has more to do with how your routine goes, and what I mean by that is family dynamics. Are you currently living together? If so, are you at a place where you can settle down easily? You're not working your dream job right now, so you don't really have much of a routine going. When life changes, people change with it, and you may see a side of her you haven't yet seen, and maybe not like. How will you deal?

There are children involved, so there's not a lot of trial and error time *after* marriage. Children crave structure and don't handle big changes very well. It cause setbacks in their development. You've got to be absolutely sure that you're commited to those boys. Seriously. You don't want to find down the road that things aren't working out like you would have hoped and it's over. Children don't like "over." It will hit them the hardest and cause major repercussions for them later on in life.

It does sound a little rushed to me. If you love her and she loves you, then what's the difference if you marry her 2 years from now? You two need to sit down and talk about each others views on discipline, money, conflict management, friends, more children, spirituality and religion, in-laws, careers, sex and most of all, your expectations. You must make sure you're on the same page or else you two will fight *all the time.* You might even consider going for premarital counseling. It may open up doors that you didn't know existed.

Answer 3

A long distance relationship is *very* different than being able to be in close proximity. You should have at least a year living near each other before marriage.

Being financially prepared is very important. I recommend taking Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University class. Locate one at http://www.daveramsey.com.

Also your, and her, ages play a factor. The statistics say that if your relationship starts when you are under 21, you should have at least three years of being together (in close proximity, not long distance) before marriage. If you are 22 - 24 when the relationship starts, two years. If you both are over 25 years old, then at least one year. This is to have enough time to be together to prevent divorce up front.

Also, the five things that you need to cover in pre-marital counseling (and you *need* premarital counseling - as everyone should do it): religion, money, sex, child-rearing, and in-laws. These can make or break a marriage. Good luck.

Answer 4

Length of courtship doesn't really have much to do with lenght of time, it has more to do with ...can you afford to be married? Do you have common goals? Will you both be able to be who you are or need to be 20 years from now? Do you understand that Love doesn't cover all problems.

How do I know this? I married my X his last year of college. We were young. I supported him the last year. We had little to nothing in common. No real shared goals. Only one of us could define our version of life when it needed to be mutual. I personally believed that once we were married he would pay more attention to me, love me more, touch me more, be more romantic and personable. I was sooooooooooo wrong.

At that point I didn't know any better. Now, I know better.

In the scheme of things what is it worth waiting a year or more?

You each need to be able to stand alone before you can stand together. If you can't live without someone.....then there are issues of self esteem that need to be worked on.

I dated this guy for close to four years. I know a couple that dated three weeks and because they were both over 21 and in productive jobs, got engaged three weeks late, got married three months later and now have been married close to 35 years and happy.

Answer 5

Good question and it is a hard one for me. It depend how long.. I would say about about a year or two. and also takes a lot of time to discuss. I was in shock when I was asked to be married back in Apirl after easter 2006 and got married in Aug 5th 2006. Some how he became to be good for nothing guy and left me. it is kind of open my eyes to see what went wrong.. I was married too soon and I was totally hurt..

Take work and a lot of trust to be sure if you or your girl have a faith in eachother and keep on courtship until the time is right

I am very instering what others have to say..

God bless

Answer 6

A year seems to be a resonable of time to become engaged. You could wait to get married for six months to a year. That would put you at 1 1/2 to 2 years before you were married. That doens't sound like you are rushing things to me. Best wishes.

Answer 7

The length of time is irrelevant. What is important is whether you feel ready. It sounds like you're not ready to be rushed. Show your maturity and demonstrate that you are ready for marrige by telling your family that you need time to be certain. Being bullied by your parents isn't a sign that you're ready to be a man and support a family.

Sometimes a little gentle budging can push people into what is the right decision for them but if what you are feeling is resistance then listen to that.

Answer 8

in this case longer is better --- if only to ensure that you can support the lady --- experience has ground that into me --- i knew my ex wife for 1 year when we were married --- and it lasted 30 years so it was not a flash in the pan --- best wishes to you both