My daughter is 7 months old and just met her father for the first time last month for one hour (he denied he was the father until a paternity test proved what I knew.) He does not have any court-ordered visitation - but I am willing to give him reasonable time with her. He does not seem to care that he is a stranger and is demanding that he take her all day long this weekend.
She has only seen him one time and she cried when he would hold her. My daughter is also breast-fed. She has never used a bottle, nor has she been away from me for more than a couple hours. I do not think she would do well away form me for an entire day.
I am still offering for him to spend time with her - but I want to be present until I know she knows him and will not feel abandoned, and that he is capable of caring for her. I understand the importance of her having a relationship with her father, but I do not want to leave her with a stranger!
Can I get in trouble for this?
2007-02-21 15:04:42 · 18 answers · asked by dovehare 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Newborn & Baby
I would not let him have the baby for very long periods of time. He has to get to know this baby and establish a loving relationship. This takes time. I feel in the beginning you should always be present. Also I suggest that you immediately get legal court ordered visitation rights for him which he has to follow to the T. You are right, he is really a stranger and he has to establish trust and that will take alot of time. I don't think you can get in trouble, but do not under any circumtances leave the baby alone with him for a while until you feel you can trust him nd legally he has no right to demand to take the baby all weekend. You have the excuse that the baby is breast fed and you must be with the baby at all times....keep a close watch as he may become too possessive with the baby and that is not healthy either. I wish you well.
2007-02-21 15:15:15 · answer #1 · answered by cardgirl2 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i first want to say you sound like a vary caring mother. No you can't get in trouble. First of all there is no court ordered visitation. i noticed that someone else said that in some states the parental rights are 50-50.that depends. when the paternity test was done was he put on the birth certificate? If not then he has no parental right to her until it's court ordered. Also you are the assumed parent with full custody because you and the baby inhabit the same residence. It would be a good idea for you to keep track of the times that the father does see her just in case he decides to take you to court you will have records of the effort you made. at least you know you are doing what you can for them to have a relationship while still keeping the most important thing, your daughters well being, the top priority. .
2007-02-21 16:08:12 · answer #2 · answered by wsperingwasp 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not unless he gets a lawyer and petitions for custody. Yea and he'll also have to pay 7 months of back child support and support for the next 17 and 1/2 years. He may back off when he realizes how much he owes. As far as visitation, do not leave his unattended with your child, he denied her and may go to opposite extreme and want to take her. There should be a business in town that operates for monitored visitation if he doesn't want you to supervise. It costs about 50 dollars an hour but he's gonna be paying one way or another.
2007-02-21 15:09:39 · answer #3 · answered by tylw85 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If there is no court order then you can't get in any trouble. If he is a good father he would want to do what is best for his daughter and at this age and with you breastfeeding , I think it would be best if he sees har briefly and many more short visits until he is not a stranger anymore. Good luck. He might only want to take her for the entire day because he knows you don't want him to.
2007-02-21 15:15:02 · answer #4 · answered by dawnie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Absolutely NOT! You have not only the right to protect her in this situation, but the obligation to do so.
When my ex-husband and I split up, my daughter was 1 year old. The first several visits with her dad, which occurred at 18 months, 2 years, and 2 1/2 years (as often as he was interested in seeing all three kids) I insisted on going along. He wasn't happy about it, but he spent most of his time with the older kids, and when he saw her, I was around... until the last day, when he took all three kids for an afternoon. She now has a great relationship with him, and now that the older kids are grown, she visits on her own.
Whether he likes it or not, she does not know him, and she needs you around until she feels comfortable with him. Assure him it's not about you and it's not about him... it's about her... and SHE is your first priority. (You might also assure him you're not interested in him... after all, I'm sure, in his mind, it's all about him!!) *LOL*
In my case? I simply said, I'm coming, or the kids aren't. Take it or leave it.
2007-02-21 17:20:05 · answer #5 · answered by Amy S 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
At this point, no. In fact you are likely to get supervised visitations until she is 1-2 years old. Don't back down. Even if he got a lawyer and pushed the issue, it would be some time before it all went through and she would be older. Also, if he is not willing to do what is best for her (your breastfeeding schedule, her being scared) this can count against him on any grounds for visitations.
2007-02-21 15:23:20 · answer #6 · answered by AC 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nope. Not at all. In fact, most courts side with the mother on these issues. The only cases I've heard of the court not siding with the mother is when there is severe neglect. They will only be more apt to side with you given his record of no visitation and that you are breastfeeding.
Right now your baby needs you.
Besides, I think it's strange that all of a sudden he wants to take her for a whole day. If he gets irrate and threatens you make a police report it will only strengthen your case down the road if there is a custody battle.
(Also, keep records!! Keep a diary of when he visits and for how long and how often he calls. Put in there how the baby reacts to him when he is there. It will only help you in the end.)
2007-02-21 15:14:40 · answer #7 · answered by Baby #3 due 10/13/09 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off know this. Unless you have a court order stating that you have custody of the child most states view parents as having 50-50 rights meaning if he took her and didn't bring her back, not a damn thing you can do. Take him to court and have it written in the papers he can do in home visitation until x number of yrs of regular visitation and a relationship is developed and maintained. then and only then can he remove her from your home for visitation
To answer your question. NO you can not get in trouble for not letting him take the child out of your home I wouldn't do it either!
2007-02-21 15:11:52 · answer #8 · answered by texas_angel_wattitude 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would not let him take her for the weekend. No way. Your baby needs to be safe and secure at all times and I can promise you that she would not feel that way with a stranger for a weekend trip. Does the father have any parental rights? I still wouldn't let him take her. Everything in my gut says no.
2007-02-21 15:22:04 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i totally agree with your reasoning it is very understanable to be nervous about letting a baby go off alone, yes its her dad but she hasnt known him from day one and of course she will feel bad around him she doesnt know him! furthermore she is breastfed u shouldnt have to stock her up on bottles if she is used to the breast and send her off wiht him who she doesnt know to do something she doesnt do...bottle feed. its a recipe for disaster she wont take the feeding and will be crying probably a loooong time. then who knows, he is an absent dad he may not be capable of dealing with and accpeting her being irritable...you get where im going with this??? you rather be safe than sorry. no u are perfectly fine not allowing him deisgnated time to leave with her it is not ordered yet. nothing wrong with himcoming to visit her until u feel more comfortable with him being around her and vice versa. good thinking and best of luck
2007-02-21 15:25:42 · answer #10 · answered by charli_red1218 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋