How can I be sure that I can trust my wife?

Question

She went to visit her ex-boyfriend's mom over Valentines Day, but she says that she does not talk to him anymore (she was in the past, and hiding it and after I found out she said she would completely cut off contact) but she had a lot of mens clothes, that were "his brothers" that he left at her old place and she was returning them, and a lot of Valentine's candy with soccer patterns (he is a soccer fan) but she said so is his mom, and since she was spending Valentines Day alone she was taking her the gifts. She has her own P.O. Box, that she hid from me, saying that it was to buy gifts for me and have them sent there so I would not see them, even though we have a mail box at our house. I can't touch her cell phone, and she keeps stuff in her truck, and won't bring stuff in the house. Even though she swears that she is not cheating, and begs me to trust her, and is sad to think that I don't. But she lost tons of trust when I found out she was talking to her ex. What should I think?

Answer 1

You answered your own question. You shouldn't trust her, and you don't.

Answer 2

I would have to say she's hiding something. Still you never said why you didn't want her to talk to her ex? Some old relationships can't be broken. They remind you of why you left in the first place. She seems to have a relationship with his whole family. That might be a reason why she holds on as well. Sometimes when you don't trust someone and you take away there outside friends. It gives them a subject to rekindle with. It forces them to hide things that turns into secrets and so on. If I were you I'd watch out. You not wanting her to have any contact with her ex is helping put things in motion. Each time you voice your dislike of something with the ex it only makes her smarter. She will find more inventive ways to hide her actions. Every time you tell her you think she's cheating. She has something else to tell him about how crazy and possessive you are. You can bet he's right there to remind her of how great it was when they were together. Just be careful. The man you're trying to pull her away from may be the man you push her toward.

Answer 3

Hmm, this is a tuff one and has no pat answer... but, faith is trust and trust is faith, they are one in the same and either it is there or it is not... there does seem to be a lot of lying going on, but I can not take sides as I do NOT know you or her, or your life style, etc..... and there is such a thing as personal space, and each person IS intittled to it, but on the other hand when it interfers with the marriage it is NOT a good thing in some ways... YOU have to learn to trust or let go..... If and I say IF she is not faithful it will come out sooner or later, however if she is not and you are pushing these issues , YOU could push her into arms that are not yours..... Has a couple you need to sit down and discuss all this eye to eye, heart to heart, be open and honest, but NOT accusing, and just speak your mind about what is bothering you.... There may be other reasons as to why she is so seceret about her space, such as a child hood problem, no space at home, some one steeling her stuff, etc....... Be as supportive and understanding as you would want her to be if it was YOU....... you might be surprised at the outcome if you are gentle and kind and all the other GOOD husband stuff.......as for visiting the ex mom, well they might have been realy good friends and might still be, she gave up the son NOT the mom, I had that happen to me , I just loved my ex's mom, she was to wonderful for words, he was a jerk, but she was an angel !!! God bless

Answer 4

I am sorry but your wife should have cheating written on her forehead. You are married but it sounds like you still have all the restrictions of dating. There is no way my husband could ever tell me that anything that is ours could not be my business or i cant look at his cell phone.....please. Yea you are wasting your time because she obviously knows what she can get away with and does. she sees that you respect her enough not to check her phone like she asks. Just check her cell phone bill and you will have the answer. The idea to have a separate p.o. box so that she can buy things for you......you got to be kidding. Bottom line she will never admit to cheating and she is even so good that she can look you in your eye and still lie. That is the worst ones. Stay blessed!!

Answer 5

I don't think you know for sure if your wife is cheating, but she is not being above-board.

Explain to her that you want to trust her, but you need her to be more open to prove that your trust is well-placed. Tell her why you lost trust in her - because she deceived you by covering things up, and because she was seeing another man behind your back, regardless of what they did together. The fact that he is her ex makes it worse. And she is still hiding things from you - the stuff in her car, the PO box. If she buys you a present, it will come in a box, right? So even if it came to the house, you would still be surprised when she gave it to you.

I think that the two of you should go to marriage counseling, to help her understand how she betrayed your trust, and to help both of you understand how to rebuild it.

Answer 6

Regardless of what she's really up to (whether it's checking in on her ex's mom or actually cheating), this much is clear: you don't trust her. And I haven't been in your shoes persay, but I think your question shouldn't be about what we, the good people of yahoo, think, but instead how are you going to reconcile with your wife? I don't know much, but I always thought if somebody loves you enough, then they can respect your wishes and not lead a seemingly private life. I wouldn't tell your wife "I don't trust you"..why not say, "Look, what you're doing is causing me to question our relationship, and I don't want that. Where do we go from here?" Hope that helps.

Answer 7

Dude, how did you find out about the P.O. box? I told her to get rid of it because I was afraid that you would find the key and question it. By the way, she was late getting here for Valentines Day. Do you think that she is cheating on both of us?

Answer 8

Want my honest opinion? She's doing something she's not supposed to. I don't know if its cheating, but its something she doesn't want you to know about. Why else wouldn't you be able to touch your own wife's cell phone? C'mon!! All of the things you've mentioned point to something other than legit. What kinds of things is she keeping in her truck? Are you allowed to go into her truck? I'm not saying snoop or anything, but does she freak out if you get in her truck and touch stuff? Sounds a lil fishy to me...

Answer 9

i live w my ex wife 4 12 years i had almost half a million life insurance one day ihad to go the emergengy because ihad a bad stomatch pain for 3 hours i told them is was food poison but idid not have diarera or was vomiting i cauth her cheating later on n she always said that she loved me sure my adviced to u body is be careful women changed dont always trust what she says envistaged her footsteps to make sure what she is doing whatch court tv u learn alot goodluck
s

Answer 10

I don't have anything to hide in my car.
I have nothing to hide in my cell phone.
Gifts for my guy, I have sent to my work.
My exes and their family, I don't hang out with OR buy gifts for.
I generally don't do anything behind my bf's back.

Tell her, let me in your truck, let me see your cell right now. I'll go with you to cancel the PO box, and stop hanging out with your ex's family. Then I'll trust you.

I think that's fair.

Answer 11

thats alot of hiding, what else is she hiding? do you have kids together? if not i would say to her stop the po box, ex and ex's mom and the cell phone(big clue she is lieing) stop all that stuff and we can work on OUR marriage and if you dont its over. she had your trust and new it and now she is using it against you.