how can i convince my wife to go to marriage counseling?

Question

how can i convince my wife to go to marriage counseling?
she has plenty of excuses why we shouldnt go and i cannot convince her otherwise; she doent like to spread her buisness, she thinks everything will be the same afterwards, she thinks she will be blamed, etc, etc...

we need this. there doesnt seem to be any other option at this point. i know we can save our marriage but why wont she go? should i go alone? we're running out of time. please help (we have a baby daughter also)

Answer 1

I'm trying to look at this from your wife's perspective. Being a woman, I find it odd that a man is the one opting to go and the woman is not. Regardless, there is no need to be at oppostions with each other. And from what I gather, it appears that your wife knows she probably is to blame for the majority of whatever it is that has made things get to this point. Women are stubborn, more so than men at times. We don't like to be told we are wrong when it comes to relationships. So here's what I suggest:
Give her the "honey, we need to talk" speech. Then calmly sit her down and tell her what is bothering you. Tell her that you know it takes two to reach the point that the two of you are at and that you love her dearly and want to make things better. Tell her that you believe in your heart of hearts that you guys can make this work and if someone has some suggestions or can give you the tools you need to get you started, you'd really like to try because it's obvious what you are doing, is not working now. Tell her she can pick the counselor...tell her that if she doesn't like it, you guys can stop, but rather than insist....ask her honey. Turn it around and make it appear that it was her suggestion. If anything...this is going to open some lines of communication between the two of you. For one, she's going to realize that you really care about her and keeping your family together, and two she's going to have to come to terms that what you have now, really isn't working. Sometimes, we women, need things pointed out to us too...we are complex, emotional...but just like every other beating heart in the world, we all have one thing in common...to reach that dream of sitting on the front porch in our golden years reminiscing.

I wish you luck honey. there aren't many men out there who care enough to do this. God Bless

Answer 2

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Answer 3

I have always heard that it's best that if one partner refuses to go, then the other should go, at least to learn how to handle things from their perspective. Soon, though, the therapist might ask her to come in to help *you* with your problems.

Tell her that it's totally nonjudgemental, and the focus will be spent on helping your relationship- not blaming. She may feel afraid, ashamed, and possibly she has no faith in the healing power of therapy. She seems to have given up. You two are essentially not communicating well, and counseling may open up doors that she didn't even know existed. There's no harm in trying, and a lot to be gained if things do work out.

It seems like you want to fix your marriage, but you're not ready to end it even if things don't change. That's a tough spot, because you can't just give her an ultimatum- "Counseling or I walk, because I can't live like this anymore." I'm sure you don't want it to come to that either. Tell her that you care about her, the marriage, and your daughter. Tell her that you want your daughter to grow up with two parents and you're willing to do whatever it takes to try and fix things. Your daugher deserves that. Just ask her to try. Ask her to come just one time and see how things go.

If you always do what you always did, then you'll always get what you always got.

Answer 4

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It is a typical enough story: one partner leaves, the other stays. One remains 'in love', the other is uncertain. Whatever it is that has caused a couple to be apart, the one person who remains bears the prospect, fear, doubt, desire, hope of saving his or her marriage' alone.

Answer 5

Be honest with her. Tell her you think you guys are headed for a divorce if you don't get some counseling. Maybe that will open her eyes?

Answer 6

I'm not sure how to convince her to go, she has to decide that for herself. I do think it is a good idea for you to go without her. It may help you without her going along. Maybe in time, she will see the positive effects it's having on you and decide to give it a try. Good luck! I hope everything works out.

Answer 7

Let her know that you are feeling desperate for help/soloutions. That her choosing to NOT go is showing you how little she values and is willing to save your marriage.

The choice will always be hers, but you have to be clear what this choice shows and costs you both.
Maybe then she will understand.

Complaining about being blamed and airing dirty laundry are weak and selfish excuses. She either wants to work out your problems or not.

Answer 8

Well, I'd lay it out like this: You (yourself) are on the way out and trying to save the marriage. If you (her) are going to let it end, wouldn't it be good to know that you did EVERYTHING you knew to do to resolve the problems?

Her reservations are the smokescreen of people who have no interest in taking responsibility for their part in anything. She is full of it. You are tolerating that - and I know you have valid reasons.

Good luck. My ex was a total weasel when it came to counseling. I was always the one to try to fix things and work on things, and the MINUTE ANYONE held his feet to the fire for HIS PART in anything to do with the marriage, HE BAILED. Walked out of pastor's office, walked out of counselor's office, in total denial, and he was always right.

Good luck to you.

Answer 9

my wife is that way and what i did was i found a counsel friend of mind and ask what i can do he gave me lots of ideas and i was able to save my marriage. so go see a counselor and see what they can do for you. good luck

Answer 10

If she doesn't want to go is because she is afraid. Maybe you can go first and after she sees how well you are doing with the therapy, I am sure she will want to go with you.