my husband's ex girlfriend had an abortion 6 years ago, which he paid for and did'nt want to do, he's been very secretive, and i found out that he's been in contact with her, sending her flowers for forgivness. he said that he wants to know why she had another 2 kids by different men,, and not his.he says he loves me, and he would never be unfaithfull, but givin the woman flowers is it being unfaithfull,if he wanted help with this i would of done, but he did not ask
2007-02-21 14:43:13 · 18 answers · asked by Tinkerbell 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
he said that he wants to close that part of this life.
2007-02-21 14:45:08 · update #1
she told him that 4 other men could be tha babys dad, plus she lives near his mum, and his mum hates her
2007-02-21 14:58:58 · update #2
and we do have a daughter together
2007-02-21 14:59:31 · update #3
He is............. probably trying to close this chapter of his life. Try to be supportive. If you can't, try to stay out of it. But don't harass him too much. AND keep your eyes OPEN
2007-02-21 14:47:38 · answer #1 · answered by Ade 6 · 3⤊ 1⤋
I think it's just a man thing where he can't wrap his around the fact that his ex wouldn't have his child, yet since she aborted 'his' baby she's had 2 more children by 2 different men. Maybe he's just insecure, but it sounds to me that he still has feelings for her since he's sending her flowers 6 years down the line. I think you should put a stop to it before it gets out of hand - 6 years is long enough - what i don't understand is why he needs to ask for her forgiveness, since she has obviously moved on!
2007-02-21 15:28:08 · answer #2 · answered by Faith 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You dont accomplish closure by sending flowers to the ex. There is another reason for the flowers. What is he apologizing for and asking for forgiveness for?
He is in a relationship with u. He has his closure. There is no need to dwell in the past any longer.
If he is hurt because she wouldnt have his child, that is just silly. Its over and done with. There is no point in trying to figure out why. Its over.
I would have an issue with this. Its like he is feeling somewhat jealous that she had children with other men and wouldnt with him? I am sorry, but i would have an issue with his reasoning?
Thats just not good enough reason for acting like he is.
He would have some serious explaining to do. Not the half minded answers he is giving u.
I aint buyin it.
Good luck.
2007-02-21 14:55:04 · answer #3 · answered by Truth Teller 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me that he never had closure with his ex, and have you ever considered that she maybe didnt have an abortion, and possibly had his baby, I mean he does keep things from you, and I wouldnt trust it for a sec, especially since he tells you that she had kids by other men, maybe one of them is his? or atleast she is making him think that? If there are insecurities in the marriage then I suggest you get everything out in the open now, seek help, or just give both of you a break, cause it sounds like he is confused of what he wants, you cant make a marriage work without trust, and you are better off without him.
2007-02-21 14:55:57 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
if he needs to close that part of his life, there should be no reason for sending her flowers and being in contact with her. I do think your husband still has something for this woman and if he continues to get in touch with her, one thing may lead to another. The dilemma is that if you get too nosy, he'll be more secretive. So, be supportive that you want him to forgive himself but firm that you do not want to have him sending her more flowers. Tell him that the abortion can not be undone but the role of being a good father (to your child) can be fulfilled.
2007-02-21 16:25:23 · answer #5 · answered by Jane C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You do not have to have sex to be unfaithful. This man is in touch with someone who is from his past and he is sending her flowers for forgiveness?? Why does that part of his life matter when he has a child with you and seemingly, has moved on!?? He is being unfaithful by not telling you and also wasting a lot of love on someone he left behind, when he could be spending that emotion on you and your child. He needs a kick up the backside and reminding that he has made a life with you and the past is the past.
2007-02-22 02:06:52 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The fact that he was secretive about it make's me think he's guilty, why send her flowers, this abortion was 6 years ago so should'nt have things been closed long ago? Tell him not to go near her again, there's no need for him to do so. Watch him like a hawk and let him know you're watching him.
2007-02-21 20:18:16 · answer #7 · answered by chickadee 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be really careful honey, I understand that he needs to figure out that part of his life but 6yrs is a long time and obvously he kept up with her to know that she has 2 other kids. This is probably a major ego thing for him, and he might want to put the stamp on that he is still the man and he can still get her if he wants too. And sending her flowers is WAY out of line. If you have tried to talk about it and it didnt work, maybe (and I know that this probably sounds bad) you need to do something to make him realize its not her that needs his forgiveness. Try talking to one of your exes (preferably one that has turned out VERY good and that he wouldn't like) but do it subtley and if you dont want to do that then be very flirty with a new man..... maybe coworker (of his if you know any). I know this is probably agaisnt what a professional would say..... but some times just talking doesn't work. Good Luck!!!! Write if you need any more britt_0873@yahoo.com
2007-02-21 14:54:41 · answer #8 · answered by BED 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Sending flowers to his ex is not being unfaithful, but it's VERY improper!
When you married, your husband and you became a part of each other, one unit, not two seperate people living together. Think about how it would be if you sent a gift to your ex. I bet your husband would say something. You need to get involved in this issue, because it's not just about him, it's about you also.
2007-02-21 14:54:36 · answer #9 · answered by Keep it Simple 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry, but my question to him would be, if you love me and would never be unfaithful to me, then why are you being so secretive about talking to your ex and sending her flowers?
personally sending another woman flowers is being unfaithful and being secretive about things don't sound good either, if he wasn't plan on doing anything, then he should have been up front and honest with you.
2007-02-21 15:06:58 · answer #10 · answered by Terry Cat 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He needs to STOP the contact.
Truth is that guys feels a loss when there is an abortion sometimes just as much as a woman does. After all this might of been his son or daughter.
Abortions arn't as easy to deal with as some people think.
It is a huge emotional loss and lots of guilt and self incrimination
2007-02-21 14:49:52 · answer #11 · answered by clcalifornia 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋