Wouldn't it be nice if all bad went away,hate scorn discrimination against the other race wars would end, peace would begin, and all emotinal scars would mend. love peace happiness would take place wiped away tears amongst the sanddened face,all beautiful and wounderous things in life would take place in this little place I call paradise.
2007-02-21 14:42:41 · 16 answers · asked by Viol3t 2 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Philosophy
p.s feel free to repost it if you like,just don't forget to add the credit in it please!
2007-02-21 14:58:25 · update #1
I like your poem...Please countinue to post more
2007-02-21 14:46:49 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yea, its pretty good. However I would structure it more because this way it just looks like a letter, or somthing. Creative structuring will add depth and drama to your words. Try something like this maybe:
Wouldn't it be nice if all bad went away,
hate
scorn
discrimination against the other race wars would end,
peace would begin,
and all emotinal scars
would mend.
love
peace
happiness would take place
wiped away tears amongst the sanddened face,
all beautiful
and wounderous things in life
would take place in this little place I call
paradise.
Watch your punctuation, and be careful of run on sentences.
KEEP WRITING! :)
2007-02-21 22:55:03 · answer #2 · answered by NoMeS. 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
F0SH0<3
2007-02-21 22:49:18 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
What a beautiful poem. It seems to me as if you already carry such a pure place of paradise in your heart.
It is just lovely and beautiful. Never stop dreaming about it and one day you might find it in your reality here or in the other world.
If you bless others, God will bless you.
2007-02-21 23:08:11 · answer #4 · answered by I love you too! 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It's not a poem. It's a statement. It is a statement made through rose coloured glasses and rather naive. The sentiment is good. But only on the third coming of the Christ will we see that.
2007-02-21 22:54:04 · answer #5 · answered by the old dog 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It is a good statement but I do not hear a poem here. All you need to do is turn it into one. Good thoughts though
2007-02-21 23:41:41 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
not to be too offensive, but it is slightly corny. Yah. Its like world peace that is too impossible but is still a nice thought
2007-02-22 00:49:00 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Its not bad, but im no literary critique. The important part is expressing yourself.
2007-02-21 22:47:18 · answer #8 · answered by derek v 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ah, the dreams of man, to forever seek Utopia, is all only a dream.
2007-02-21 22:54:06 · answer #9 · answered by Coyote 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
What a lovely sentiment. Yes, I like it.
2007-02-21 22:46:40 · answer #10 · answered by CJ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋