I feel so ungrateful cos i know children are a gift from God. I love my daughter so much.
The problem is manyfold. Firstly with my first daughter, i was made redundant 2 weeks after finding out i was pregnant. I have always been a career girl (worked in PR but was studying to become a lawyer) but i also always wanted a family, so I was happy to leave. But I am still career minded, and my redundancy dented my confidence a whole lot. So once I had my daughter in 05, i was determined to get my career back on track esp to boost my self worth .
Plus my husbands income is not great. I wanted to start making some money ASAP to help provide for my daughter. Dont get me wrong, hubby is a hard worker, but hasnt had much luck so far finding better paid work. I guess I am worried for our futures.
Other issue is my pregnancy and labour were not great. Nausea throughout, fibroids, repulsed by the shapes my baby made in tummy.
Can anyone relate? Am usually v.positive, happy prsn
2007-02-21 14:22:58 · 12 answers · asked by Chimera's Song 6 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
i love my daughter immensely, and do want more kids at some point, but just not right now.
I guess i am worried i will develop some kind of post natal depression since it appears that so much of my self worth is tied up in my career.
PS -actually i feel a whole lot better already after having shared the problem on here!!
2007-02-21 14:32:31 · update #1
wow.. those are some profound answers. They really make sense, and are very reassuring.
2007-02-21 14:34:48 · update #2
I am overwhelmed by all your answers, esp Crnflake and AMber and Nightscar. Nightscar, to answer your question, my hubby and i were on similar incomes, i earned about 1000 pounds more than he. But obviously since i have been pregnant i have had no income because i was made redundant around the same time, so our previously healthy income has been slashed.
Really i cant thank ALL of you enough! I already feel better. Maybe its one of those feelings that will come and go. I am gonna pray to God for guidance.
2007-02-21 14:47:52 · update #3
Hormones, honey!! Every pregnancy is different. Don't worry so much over finances--see if you can qualify for any type of assistance from the government AT ALL, even a medical card; if you decide not to work during this pregnancy, you may qualify. With this pregnancy, you may feel terrific, bouncy, not sick, etc. there is no way to tell!! I had a HORRIBLE time during delivery with my first daughter--induced and NO DRUGS!! (but the pregnancy was terrific!!, very healthy)--but I swore I'd never ever have another child, and got pregnant while breastfeeding 4 months later....and the second pregnancy was really awful, very sick the whole time, the baby nearly didn't live...but now I have two beautiful daughters, one is 14, one is 13, and I am very glad. Times are hard, I am on disability and public assistance, but we do very well with the way I budget. Take a free class in budgeting; do what you can to stretch your dollar. Go to local food banks and get food if you need it. Talk to local churches about help with just about anything. You will probably qualify for WIC as well--Women, Infants and Children, which has a VERY high income cutoff--and WIC will supply you with formula, cereal, juice, milk, cheese, and so on. Cheer up, you are right, children are God's blessing, and you've been blessed--take GOOD care of yourself, OK? And trust God will take care of you all!! Good luck, I'd like to hear the outcome.....!!! I know you think you may think now that you don't want this baby, but trust me, I think you will change your mind, especially if you are at all religious. You may very well BE depressed, with your life situation, and pregnancy can really throw you a curve ball. Honey, you'll be OK!! And believe me, the shape of a pregnant woman's tummy is VERY sexy, you let your husband know that LOL!!! After all, he took part in that and thought THAT was sexy, didn't he?!! Recharge your own batteries---do things you really like to do, take a walk, read a book, just do something FOR YOURSELF, even buy yourself flowers!! Cook YOUR favorite meal, or just have ice cream for supper once in awhile!! Treat yourself well, you seem to be young--and when your babies are in preschool or school--which seems like a long time but isn't---then you probably should put your career mind back on, and GO FOR IT then--be a lawyer, and you will be successful--your children won't hold you back, they will inspire you to new heights, I PROMISE!! God bless you darlin'!!!
2007-02-21 14:37:06 · answer #1 · answered by CornflakeGirl 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You can relax a bit. What you are feeling is totally and completely acceptable. Any pregnancy can be a bit of a daunting experience, and it's definitely a life changing event, whether it's your first or your 12th. Are you the primary bread-winner (so-to-speak) in your household? If so, that can add to the pressure of tight finances. I can only speak from personal experience, but when I first found out I was pregnant, the only thing that terrified me more than labor was the thought that my baby and myself would be primarily dependant of my husband's income for at least six weeks until I could get back to work and make money again. Ack!
As far as possible health and confidence issues, every pregnancy is different. You could very well breeze through this one with no difficulties. And just because you are going through a period of doubt doesn't mean you aren't a positive person, it means your only human. If these feelings persist, or become worse you should probably confide in a counselor or your health care provider. I hope this helps.
2007-02-21 14:41:31 · answer #2 · answered by nightscare0 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I cant relate from your perspective but I can relate to thr opposite side of the game. I have no children, the way things look I am unlikely to have any. I just am not meeting guys at the moment and I also got a lot of head stuff going on, AND i am on the lookout for a career. As you have explained, the two arent so easy to mix- especially in media or PR (though I dont believe they are impossible, never say never...)
Life never goes the way you want it to, it never is perfect. If you dont have the baby, will you look back and say what if? if you do will you still say what if!!
Its a hard one and I think ultimatly you are the only one who can use your intuition and your soul to work out whats best- whats good for you is also good for a baby, unhappy mothers dont make happy babies in my experience.
I think you should try to see a councilor, face to fac and talk over this, either choice you make you are likley to feel like you have lost something very precious to you and you will need to come to terms with that before you can move forward and feel like you are making the best decision for you
. All the other issues you have mentioned can also be talked through with a councillor- try tyo not go to your friends and family for councilling though, it may feel like a good idea but they will have thier own agenda and assumptions and beliefs, which you may not be party to but may alter things being accepted or chosen by you.
good luck- I envy you and I dont envy you at the same time.!!
2007-02-21 14:51:40 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I am 18 weeks pregnant with my fourth child who was not planned. At first, when i saw the positive home test, i told my husband that i was NOT happy about it. We have one 13 year old, a 7 year old, and a 3 year old. That was enough for me. Plus, like you, i get very naseous during my pregnancies, and that is just not fun to endure. But, as time went on, and we thought about it more, and had more time to get used to the idea, i (we) got a little more excited.
I also used to work, and was career minded, but once i had children, they became more important than any job. I brought them into this world, it was my responsibility to raise them. So, i am now a stay at home mommy. I do miss the daily interaction with adult coworkers, but my kids are more important. I did'nt want the extra work of breastfeeding and diapering a new baby again, especially how my youngest is now 3 and barely out of diapers...but it truly is a labor of love...and god works in mysterious ways. Just think, this could be the child that ends up caring for you in your golden years! This kid was put inside of you for a reason, you may just not see it until years down the road! Good luck, and i hope you don't beat yourself up feeling guilty.
2007-02-21 14:59:40 · answer #4 · answered by Carrie C 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I can completely relate! My second pregnancy was a surprise and I had mixed emotions about it and felt very guilty about those feelings. However, after my second was born, I adored him and realized how wonderful of a blessing he really was. Now, I can't imagine a day, an hour, a second without my precious boy (he's now 3). God really does know what He is doing, so just put your trust in Him! I know things will work out for you and you will feel the same way I did. Good luck to you, and hang in there... you're not alone!
2007-02-21 14:30:23 · answer #5 · answered by Jennifer C 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
gosh i don't know what to say... being a mommy is such a blessing. may be god is trying to tell you to just be a mommy and that's where you're find yourself? i for me when i became a mommy my life changed for the better! it's not what you do in the world that makes a difference, it's the people. (kinda confusing....? what i mean is): you have the opportunity to raise two beautiful, healthy, smart, caring, worthy girls and send them out into the world! Wow! you have a big job to do right there at home and not so much in this great big world of ours. good luck and don't feel too bad about the pregnancy... you're a great person (i can tell because you're worried about this). i wish you luck!
2007-02-21 14:31:41 · answer #6 · answered by Amber 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i was devastated when i found out i was pregnant. DEVASTATED. we had no money, i wanted to go to college, it was horrible. now that i am not pregnant, and i am minus a fiance but have more money and now i can get pell grants to go to college, it's easier than i thought it would be. no i am not rich, but i make enough to squeak by.
but i'm telling you i was done once i found out i was pregnant. i was giving him up for adoption all the way up until two weeks after i had him (long story short-he got sick and the adoptive family didn't want him anymore) so on top of that i was stuck with this kid and nothing at all for him. no crib, no carseat, no clothes, diapers, formula, nothing. of course i don't feel like that now, but that's what it seemed like then. it was horrible, my pregnancy wasn't great, my labor was worse, and i hope i never go through it again.
2007-02-21 14:32:37 · answer #7 · answered by pikachu 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can completely relate to how you feel i have a 11 month old son and im ready to give birth any day to a baby girl and i was shocked to find i was pregnant becasue i used birth control . My b/f is out of a job... and im in a position to where i cant work but were making it, its hard to get things we want, but were lucky we have so much love it gets us through the day and we get everything our son needs and wants and we have everything our new baby will need its just a matter of Love, it can get you through anything.
2007-02-21 15:09:51 · answer #8 · answered by Julie C 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
My daughter was 3 when i found out I was pregnant and I worried the whole pregnancy how I could love another baby as my first it seemed impossible to me untill my son was born everything changed I couldn't picture a moment without him.
2007-02-21 14:39:20 · answer #9 · answered by clued0401 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
i can not relate to the baby part but i was where your hubby was at one point in time but if you can hang in there things will get better trust me I'm a believer and i think that y'all are good for each other don't give up on hubby at all because he needs your support now more then ever i wish you well.
2007-02-21 14:38:21 · answer #10 · answered by amire s 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋