i met my husband at a small bar back at home 4 yrs ago... and in 1 year total we met, got pregnant, and married also moved halfway around the world. what would you say about that?
we had so many fights that it turn out with nothing positive but a sweet kid. 3 yrs old now...
he cheated on me in 2 different ways... ( talking to his ex and telling her that he wants to be with her.; that was on the internet... also he made out with a chick in our own back yard)
(it doesn't have to be sex to be cheating does it?)
i forgave him for all. he told me at the beginning of the relationship that he does not give second chances. i gave him more than a second chances! thats why i always stay home. i have a reason to and its because i have a second chance to raise a son i have always wanted. but whats is wrong with this?
i became withdrawn and alone. no friends. he doesn't like it when i ask questions like this online... what would your respond be? pls if u can, just tell me. thanks.
2007-02-21 13:34:25 · 23 answers · asked by silltnwild 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well Sweetie....I get where your at. You must feel like you can't even breathe. You've picked up your life and married this man and had a child with him. You feel like your responsibility, right now is to your child, which is true....but you also have to think about you. What do YOU want? If you leave, what would you have to do in order to leave? Financially, can you do this? Yes. You can. There's always a way to do this if you really wanted to. Would it be easy? Of course not. You have to figure out whether you can leave the country (assuming that you're not IN the country you lived in since you said you were half way around the world) with your child. You'll need to figure out your rights, his rights. Educate yourself. Be sure that you have everything you need to have in order to leave, if nessessary.
Do you think you can save this marriage? Will he go to counselling? If not, will you go by yourself? You may be able to save it, if you want to. You have to be your own judge. We can all give you our opinions on this...but it's YOU who is living with it.
Giving him a second, third, fourth chance won't help YOU. You need to let him know that there is absolutely NO way you'll put up with this any longer. You don't HAVE to put up with it and you won't. The problom is, HE thinks you do. He thinks he's got you by the short n curlies..you need to prove him wrong about that and stand up!! Be independant. Know that you can get along in life without him. Your child is young and won't remember this if you did it now. Life to him will change, yes, but it won't be like this forever. He's got you and you're obviously a great mom, to be so concerned for your child that you would put up with all of this just so you don't hurt your child.
Get out there and make friends!! Take your 3 yr old to play days at the Y or look up on-line in your area where there are places to take your child and meet other moms. Soon, you'll be meeting friends left, right and center. The world is your oyster, you just need to figure out how to get that dang pearl outta there!!!!
You can do it!!!
2007-02-21 14:01:51 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It isn't doing you any good to stay home and be alone with your son. You have to be your true self and do things that make you happy.
That isn't to say your husband shouldn't also be happy, but it's unreasonable of him to expect you to sacrifice your happiness. You should both be happy. You should both have your own outside interests and friends as well.
It sounds like you are depressed because you have relocated to a place where you don't know anyone. That's hard enough without having a child or a husband you aren't getting along with. It sounds like he is OK with the move, but he isn't being supportive of you.
I would recommend marriage counseling as a place to start.
And yes, he did cheat, kissing is cheating and so is that talk with his ex.
It doesn't sound like he has any reason to need to give you a second chance. You might feel this way because you are isolated and the only person you know is your husband. It's perfectly understandable that you would be anxious for these reasons. However, you are able to get away if you have to so don't ever forget that. If you think things are getting bad, get help from family back home and a lawyer in case you need help with the child custody.
2007-02-21 13:44:10 · answer #2 · answered by kristin c 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you have placed yourself at a disadvantage because you are half way around the world, alone, with no friends or family. I really feel that your husband doesn't want to be married anymore to you and maybe you should call for a separation and go home to be with your family. Tell him that you need time and maybe he being alone will decide that he hasn't been the best husband and will come to you asking for forgiveness. If you feel that you have given him enough chances, then maybe its time to end this marriage and for you to go back home. Good Luck to you.
2007-02-21 13:43:01 · answer #3 · answered by cardgirl2 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ok, I was sick to read this.
I believe in giving chances, when they are trying. But he is NOT trying, he is just using you, probably laughing inside that he can control you like this while he gets the best of both worlds.
He will of course, do everything to convince you it's either your fault, or that he didn't mean to etc, hey things happen, but the truth is, by what you said...,
He is obviously using you, other women, & enjoying it at the same time. Real men would put a stop to this and be genuinely sorry for this.
I say, time for a new husband/boyfriend before you catch a disease from him.
2007-02-21 13:38:49 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow, you sound pretty alone. I think you need help. What I would like you to do is call you main family members, like your mother, father, sister and/or brother every day for a week. A move back home for you is what I think should be in order, and a possible separation for 6 months, this guy may not like it, but for all intents and purposes he has abandoned you alone, where your at and if you want to ever be happy again, you need to get out.
2007-02-21 13:41:26 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sweety you are in the right all the way. You dont need help you need to confront him and get him to comitt to change or this is the last and you and you precious little one, by the way, is old enough to know when mommy is sad, and leave. You dont deserve to be treated like that. You have respected him, but he doesnt in return. And you are right, it doesnt have to be sex. He is suppose to be devoted to you and you alone. No, outside journeys. I hope you tell him where you stand. I wish you well. Feel free to email me if you would like to talk.
2007-02-21 13:41:26 · answer #6 · answered by wingedladyk 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't give up till you try marital counseling. Sharing custody is SO hard, not only for you but for your child. Try to work things out if at all possible, although it looks like you've done a lot to make things right. Do everything you can to save the marriage so that you won't look back with regrets if it does fail.
2007-02-21 13:38:32 · answer #7 · answered by Kitten Hood 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
In my opinion, cheating is anything that you wouldn't do with your significant other in the room.
Dear, you should leave this man. He's cheated, he's isolated you, he seems overbearing- you can do much better. Besides, do you want your son to grow up with this man as a role model? Do you want him to turn out like your husband?
2007-02-21 13:40:51 · answer #8 · answered by Not Allie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, but your best bet is probably to chalk this marriage up to experience. Staying in it for your child isn't the best situation for anyone. You can be a good parent without being married to your son's father, custodial or not.
2007-02-21 13:38:38 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Leave him and regain yourself. It may not be easy, but then what is? Is staying easy? - if so you wouldn't be posting this question. And keep this in mind: your son is learning how to treat women from his father.
By the way, outpostflag's answer above is genius.
2007-02-21 13:38:15 · answer #10 · answered by slipstreamer 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋