please i need advise?

Question

me and my husband seprated i feel like the bad person becuz i told him to leave.. we have 3 kids together and one more on the way.. been together for 7 years and been married for 3. he is a drunk and it gettin worse he denys all of his kids there is aways an excuse why they are not his. and on the 3rd one he kneeied me in the stomach and i went into labor 2 hours later and had my son a month early. iam just compelty drained and exhausted from this. he is makin out that iam the ***** and iam the bad one. but how much can a person put up with before we crack. i dont want him back in this apt. until he attempts to change but he hasnt tried. no i feel like iam deprivin my children. but aim afraid that if i let him take them he will run with them or that he will drink with them in his care and something terrible will happen to them while in his care. am I wrong for havin him leave?? ma I the bad person for this iam gettin confused? i dont know what i should do.

Answer 1

Well, I think you made the mistake by having so many kids by this man who is a drunk...He definitely has some anger issues, which are probably associated with his drinking, he needs to get sober fast. Was he like this when you met him? If he was, then that should have given off some red flags...

Is he the one that needs to change completely, and not yourself? Yes, he's a drunk and needs to deal with his addiction, and his anger, but maybe you could be a better person out of this also...Maybe you could be a better wife and your husband could change because of your new attitude...Just a thought...

Answer 2

did you know that in many, if not all, states it is a felony offense to assault a pregnant woman?

the way that you feel is normal. abuse/abusers do that to people. right now, what you need is support and information. you can research domestic violence online for information and resources. two of the best/most reputable places to start are the websites for the national coalition against domestic violence (www.ncadv.org) and women's law (www.womenslaw.org). both sites have both national and local information, links, hotline numbers, statistics, etc. call a local or national hotline if nothing else to get support/information/help from people who are trained to help you understand what you're experiencing without judgement. abuse in any and all forms is complex, and getting out of an abusive situation can leave you feeling more confused than you thought you were before.

no matter what happens, know that you did the right thing. it was hard. it will continue to be hard. you will doubt yourself and your decisions. you will change your mind a million times a day. it may feel like it's your fault, or that you've done (or failed to do) something, and that the failure is the reason that you feel this way, but abuse is NEVER ok.

Congratulations! you have taken the first step to teaching this very important concept to yourself, your children, and your spouse! hang in there! things can get better if you reach out for support from people that know what they're talking about!

Answer 3

You are not the bad person here. You have to do what is right for your kids, no matter what he says or how he makes you feel. I wouldn't let him around the kids unless you are gonna be there. That way you know how he is treating them. Set up boundaries for him to see the kids, like at the park, where there will be other people, or in a restaurant, that way your husband won't have the option of abusing them. You aren't wrong for making him leave, you are in the right!! hold on, it will be a bumpy ride! but don't let him change your mind. Don't take him back until he has worked out his drinking and abuse.

Answer 4

I think you are doing the right thing. That environment is too disruptive for your children. If he is not sober he could hurt you and the kids. I'm sorry but if he acts like that the children aren't his when he is there, then he shouldn't have the honour of being their Dad full time either. I'm sure they get along without him just fine. It's important that you stick to this for awhile so that you can honestly see the difference him being away has on you and the kids. Maybe, just maybe he'll realize you are the best thing he has ever had and stop drinking to be with all of you again. Good luck.

Answer 5

You did the right thing for the safety of your children and yourself, when he kneed you in the stomach causing you to go into labor he could have killed you both. You can do it on your own and don't fall to his I am sorry I will change, you are not safe honey, nor are your children. You need someone to encourage you and be there, what about your parents or siblings. You are not a bad person, you came to the conclusion that you and your children are not safe. I am sorry that you are going through such a rough time but you did the right thing and for the right reasons, just keep that in the forefront of your mind. Good luck, God bless and put angels on your pillows.

Answer 6

You are not a bad person in this. You do not need to be with someone that is a drunk and abusive. If he hurts you or your children physically, or emotionally he is not a fit father or husband... stand by your decision.. find a good man to be the real father of you children... a real husband to you. just b/c you guys had children that doesn't mean he's a father.. you have to care to be a father.. don't feel bad be proud and stand by what you've said... And no your not a bad person for becoming confused that's humand nature

Answer 7

Sounds to me like you did the right thing. No one should have to live that way. Who cares what he has to say about you, once your children get old enough(if they are not already) to see the way he is disrespecting you and them, they will understand why this had to happen and obviously there is something wrong with him to treat his family that way, you did nothing wrong, I wouldn't let him come back even if he did change, what's to say he won't just return to his old ways a couple of months later and hurt the five of you all over again?

Answer 8

You were right, right, right! You should have had him in jail a long time ago when he hit you in the stomach! You don't need that and your kids neither. Do you think your kids should be seeing him be violent towards you? Do you know what that does to kids? Be strong and keep that drunk bastard away! You did right and don't look back. I know it may be difficult financially but get paternity tests and get child support and call it a day. You deserve better than that nasty creep. Good luck and bless you.

Answer 9

You did absolutely the right thing by having him leave.Your no. one priority is keeping your children safe.No matter what you deserve better than that.He should have left long ago.It is not a matter of him attempting to change.He has to change...PERIOD....and prove that he has which should take a long time not just a week or two.He needs professional help and so do you my dear.There are lots of places you can get help if you reach out for it.Please do that for your own good and your childrens.Please!!
Do not let anyone abuse you.I will be praying for you.Do the right thing.

Answer 10

If he is abusive to you what makes you think he will not start on the children next. He needs to get help and you need to be strong. There are places for you to turn that will help you and the children deal with this. The children do not need to be brought up in a house of turmoil, they will not miss out on anything by this decision except abuse.