question about bisexuals?

Question

My wife now says she is bisexual. She is also bipolar. She has found a lover on the net from India. She now plans to have her move over to live near us. My wife says that she loves me first and wants me, but she attracted and loves this woman. My wife has never had any lesbian sex before. This woman seems to be a very loving and caring person and I have even developed a freindship with her. I am confused. I want my wife to be happy, but I am also think it is wrong to have her cake and eat it too. What od you think?

Answer 1

Okay there are a lot of ideas in your post. One are you willing to share your wife sexually with another person? Yes or No? Yes, there is polyamory. No, she is or will be cheating/adulterer if she has sex with someone else but you.

Your wife is Bi-polar, is she on medication to even out her chemical imbalance? It you answered yes to the sharing question it is VITALLY important that she be mentally stable to handle an open relationship. Concerning how/why this is coming about I think your wife is in a manic state (or moving into one) and hyper-sexuality is not abnormal for manics.

I am bisexual, and I am married. My husband and I have a traditional monogamous marriage. We looked into open marriage and polyamory, but decided against it. I do not have sexual relations outside of marriage, because I promised I would be faithful to my husband. Occasionally a lady will turn my head, but I do not act on my impulses. Just because someone is bisexual does not mean that they can't be faithful, it just means that they look at men and women equally concerning sexual attractiveness.

Answer 2

What she is interested in is called polyamory - multiple loves. Searching the web will give you more information on it. The fact that she is bisexual is a more minor issue. Moreover, most bisexuals are monogamous. They may be attracted to both genders, but not necessarily at the same time.

This said, polyamory is very difficult, requiring much more work than a typical monogamous relationship. It takes a tremendous amount of communication and honesty. Brutal honesty at times.

What really worries me is that your wife is bipolar. Mental or emotional problems are often seriously amplified in a poly relationship. If your wife's manic depression isn't completely controlled, say by drugs, then I would think this is a very bad idea.

I am bisexual and poly, so I think I have a good idea of what your wife is going for. Email me if you need more information.

Answer 3

This problem definitely calls for a psycho therapist or psychiatrist to get to the root of your wifes problem. Also her being bipolar is not helping because this condition makes a person have terrible mood swings. If I were you I would not accept this situation with this other woman. Your wife's bisexuality is something that she must deal with and so must you. It is not healthy. You must decide whether or not you can accept her having this other woman or if you cannot, then you must face the fact that your marriage may be ending. I think you must give her an ultimatum, because her having this affair with this woman will eventually destroy the marriage anyway.. You may have to consider ending the marriage and moving on.

Answer 4

Some people who are bipolar will fantasize about some strange ideas but never act on them. Since she has this disorder you have to ask yourself if this is just an illussion of hers or if she is serious, I personally think there is nothing wrong with a fantasy, it is when youact on this emotion when it becomes wrong. Having the illussion can be part of her manic depression. Just support her through this fantasy, she is prolly just making up the whole story.

Answer 5

you're understandably out of your element but that doesn't mean your wife gets to do whatever she feels like. what you think matters, and she obviously thinks that marriage is at best a commitment only for guys. what do you think? talk about it with her, possibly tactfully including a suggestion that her potential lover get an STD screen- honesty never hurts. stand up for yourself, but also give your wife the credit she deserves for being open about this with you.
while you're at it, mention this new behavior to a health care pro who can explain what it means in context of bipolar disorder- psychiatrist? doctor? anyone.
congrats on handling this rather well- just remember your happiness matters too

Answer 6

I think that you need to take the time to sort your feelings out about this before you include another person into *your* relationship. It is a good thing, at least, that you've developed a rapport with this woman. But who knows, she may experience it and decide it wasn't everything she thought it would be.

Answer 7

I think that if you don't want your wife to sleep with this woman, you should tell her so. She may be bisexual, but she is in a committed, and I assume monogamous, relationship already, and your wishes are just as important as hers. I'm sure there have been other people you've wanted to sleep with, but just wanting to do it doesn't mean it's alright.

Of course, this would be different if you were in an open relationship.

Answer 8

Let the things happen in their own way & keep your wife Happy to get a reward of new way of life. Life is to enjoy so enjoy the happenings.

Answer 9

I think you are secretly fantasizing about a 3-some. It won't happen. This Indian lady sounds like trouble.

Answer 10

I think she needs to make up her mind who she wants to be with. Even having a girlfriend when you are married is adultery and wrong.