A thousand roses at my feet
There are a thousand rose's at my feet but
i look down and see nothing but an empty hallway
i turn around to catch a glimbse of your sweet face
that left my heart broken but all i see is shadowy figure
closing in on me i feel you touch me with your cold cold hand
i look away and there are a thousand roses at my feet.
Let me go
I feel something in the air its moving its cold it approachs me
it touchs my face with its cold hands you are not here i hear myself crie go leave this poor soul alone you are not here not around me not touching my lips and saying goodbye for the last time let this be a dream let it all slip away let me go let me live my one life!
stare at me
You stare at me all day all night you stare at me till the birds chirp in the morning till the wolf howls at night i have my one dreams with out you leave me be your nothing but a ghost a memorie a shadow of my heart broken and torn apart by you. Stop staring at me
By: Lily
age: 10
2007-02-21 13:02:27 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Polls & Surveys
im very impressed. well done A+++++++
2007-02-21 13:06:36 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Age 10? impressive!
A thousand roses at my feet: Very cool, I found it almost stupid, while reading it, and then I got to the last line and the whole point just immediatly snapped into perspective. This one is my favorite.
Let Me Go: Flows better than the other two and has a lot more imagery.
Stare at me: Very cool. I like the simplicity, but one suggestion, you say all say and all night, then you say birds chirp in the morning. Because day then was refrenced to by morning, you should say the wolves howl in the evening. It makes it sound better.
Also you said the wolf howls, and the birds chirp. make them both plural like wolves howl, or both singular, like bird chirps.
2007-02-21 21:09:32 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like your poems alot. They show a lot of how you are feeling and no one will ask you anymore questions after reading them, they will know what you mean just from reading them. You should some day be a . You're a little young right now, and that may not be where you want to go with your life but from what i see now, you're doing great with poems. You should continue. Good Luck if you do!
2007-02-21 21:10:38 · answer #3 · answered by Sarah 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Very good indeed for a 10 yr old. I have a daughter abt your age. I like especially "A thousand roses at my feet".
Just a few comments, for the 2nd and 3rd poems, you must type them line by line as you did for the 1st. Use capital letters eg "I" instead of "i", and use punctuation where necessary. Should the 3rd poem be titled "Stop staring at me"?
A poet is a "wordsmith", so he/she must be very particular about his/her language.
2007-02-21 21:16:11 · answer #4 · answered by Frankenstein 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Their nice, but a better place to put them up would be fictionpress.com. Its a website where people put up their poems and stories and other people critique them. You would get better answers than you would from yahoo answers.
Hope this helps, good luck
2007-02-21 21:07:55 · answer #5 · answered by 1st time prego 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well Lily since your 10 I'll say it was great. I love your name by the way.
2007-02-21 21:07:44 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its good it needs to rhyme just a bit but other then that its good. Work on it a bit and you might just have somthing here.
2007-02-21 21:08:27 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Very deep, keep writing. You will make a great poetress :)
2007-02-21 21:07:36 · answer #8 · answered by Dalisa 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think they're very nice. Good job!
2007-02-21 21:17:59 · answer #9 · answered by ♥doodlebug♥ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
not bad... for a 10 yr old
2007-02-21 21:05:35 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋