I think that if I save some girl from her abusive, neglectful, or unreasonable parents, or her poor third world life that somehow she will then love me forever, not only in repayment, but because I am the only person she ever met who would continue to let her live free and never leave her. Isn't that a sickness, as if rather than a partner in life, I'm looking for a wretch to take care of, as only a wretch could love me, because I have low self-esteem. And would I really treat her so well as I think?
2007-02-21 12:54:34 · 4 answers · asked by Dirk D 1 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
and if true, is this the basis for all white people's attraction to Asian girls and all men's attraction for underage girls? Not immaturity, but low self-esteem?
2007-02-21 12:56:10 · update #1
I'd never say "all" but I think you have a point that's often true about men, self-esteem, and under-age girls. I would challenge you to look at your possible subconscious racism about white and Asian people though. Some Asian people and some white people are very compatible e.g. bright, intelligent, creative, fun-loving, spiritual, quiet, noisy, bookish, gregarious..... all the criteria for compatibility that dating agencies use.
The direct answer to your question is "Rescuer", as in the "Drama Triangle" of rescuer, persecutor, victim.
And awakening to the truth thst you are lovable is indeed a glorious way out of the triangle. Could there be some context in your life (e.g. a group you do or might attend) where you could try out living from "(as if) I AM lovable" knowing that even if one or two people reject you others may well accept you?
2007-02-22 01:14:32 · answer #1 · answered by MBK 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you are right about low self esteem or the feeling that you will somehow help this neglected person as you grow more emotionally attached. Please be very carfeul as you are doomed to get hurt and taken advantage of if you meet people who like to play thier pity card on you so you give them everything you have. They could take all your heart, energy and $ and leave you with nothing in the end but bitterness and resent. I have seen my mother do this repeatedly with her ex boyfriends....all losers that she felt sorry for and thought she could help them up when they were down. These guys were desperate for anything and knew how to sweet talk her into anything. Its taken her MANY times to finally realize the pattern she kept repeating but it had a lot to do with low esteem too.
2007-02-21 13:15:07 · answer #2 · answered by jessBcuz 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Impressive insight!
The rescuer and the villian end up being interchangeable anyway. How much can you do before you can't do anymore? And how much more can be expected after that?
That's why it's good to find a person that is happy where they are, generally speaking.
And it's easier to recognize those people when you are happy where you are, generally speaking.
Live well
2007-02-21 17:16:21 · answer #3 · answered by Jenny 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like u know why u are thinking these things anyway.
2007-02-21 12:59:23 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋