Want a divorce. Afraid to be a single/divorced parent.?

Question

My husband is a manic depressant. He's been to counseling and has taken anti-depressants....Nothing seems to help and for years it's gotten to me. It hurt me emotionally and now physically. I love the man I married but not the man I'm married to. We don't have a relationship anymore. No dating, talking, laughing...anything. I'm tired of being married yet lonely and confused. After 7 years, I've lost the desire to try anymore. I'm ready to live again I feel like I'm caught up because I take the kids feelings more into consideration than my own and now it's becoming overbaring. I know my children will miss their friends if we leave but I don't want to keep the house because it's too many bad memories here. Any suggestions????????

Answer 1

Yup, LEAVE!! I say this from experience, trust me! I was in a relationship for 12 years with a man who is both bipolar and an alcoholic. After many, many, MANY ups and downs, I was no longer in love with him. I was terrified to leave him 3 years ago because of the same reasons you gave. I didn't want to be a single mom, I was afraid he would no longer see my daughters (I have 3 under the age of 8), I had no idea how I would support us all (I was a stay at home mom, he was the wage earner), and more than anything else, I was afraid I would break down and go back if things got tough. I used what I learned from the Al-Anon rooms, mainly if you're not sure, stay where you are. The final straw came last summer. I walked in on him abusing substances in the bathroom five feet from my girls' bedrooms.Now, I was definitely sure! I left the next day with $11, and never looked back. Within two weeks, just from blindly opening up the yellow pages and calling all sorts of random businesses, I had a job that paid more than my ex brought in, I had a small apartment (much smaller than the house I shared with my ex but oh the peace!!), my children were in a good school district and we were managing. Now, eight months later, the peace of mind I enjoy is incomparable! My daughters enjoy all sorts of dance and music lessons (along with regular counseling) and no longer have to see Daddy and Mommy fight. They get to see their father regularly and they love their time with him and best of all, I am seeing a man who treats me like an absolute princess, all the time, something I had never had before in my life. People always say they stay together for their kids (I said it for a long time myself) but the truth is, if you're not happy, you're modeling a life of misery as the norm for your children. Do you want that for them? You have to show them that you value yourself so that they will value themselves when they get older, not live their lives sacrificing for someone else's (your husband's or theirs!) cause! Good luck and please feel free to email me if you ever want to talk!!

Answer 2

Sounds like you have young kids....It's hard to deal with him but will it be harder to be a single parent? Which is the lesser of 2 evils?

You say you hurt physically? Because he's hit you? Get out Now! if it's physical because of the mental duress, you need to see a counselor. Unfortunately the medications he takes can alter his personality, I'm sure he's not the same man you married. You don't say ages but mental illness seems to plateau around 30-32 for men. If you must leave...don't worry the children will make new friends but they will miss their dad despite his disability.

Answer 3

Don't worry about the kids so much and worry about what is best for you. In the end, they will benefit anyhow. No one is happy about the break up of a marriage. But if you concentrate on making yourself happy, then the kids, while upset in the beginning, will be happier in the long run. My suggestion would be to make a fresh start. Divorce (or at least separate) him. Make a new life with your kids. Try staying in the general area you are in now so the kids will be in the same school. That will make the transition easier on them.

Answer 4

If it were me I'd stay in the house temporarily until I could find something else. Keeping a stable home life for your children is more important than "bad memories". You're supposed to be an adult, grow up and learn to face the bad with the good. That's life.

Answer 5

Well, just leave for awhile and see how you like it. If you miss him then go back to him. He might realize to stop acting the ****** fool and straighten up his act. He might be doing that just to get rid of you and the kids. You have to take that into consideration.If he doesn't straighten up then get your big D. I know you have kids and you want to thing about there feelings. But just don't think about what is best for the kids think about you too.

Answer 6

"She won't flow to a shrink or something like that. additionally, i do no longer desire to signify her to flow to a shrink, " there is your concern. a "shrink". this manner of disrespectful term for the single guy or woman who ought to help your mom. melancholy and such after a divorce is envisioned. Being a single discern for 12 years is depressing. online relationship is likewise depressing! yet the two you and your mom won't settle for the needed help! You the two think of which you will "do it on my own" (or the two one in all you mutually) -- and that may no longer suitable. the biggest concern is which you're sixteen. you haven't got any concept by any potential of being married, being rejected, feeling on my own in the way in simple terms a husband can fulfill. you will no longer be able to help HER!! you're youthful AND green. in fact, your toddlers and immaturity is a factor of her concern. She desire psychological wellness help, as do you, and additionally you desire to be there mutually as a help for one extra. come across a Psychiatrist (no longer a "srhink" -- study to appreciate people who're older and wiser than you), and get those issues worked out. you have have been given a protracted existence ahead of you, and additionally you mom remains a resonably youthful and (i'm going to you you think of) suitable lady. the only concern status on your way and hers IS YOU AND HER. provide up being stupid, and flow get help.

Answer 7

if you're that miserable,you should leave,things will only get worse,trust me been there done that,you should leave because of your children, they know you're not happy,and if you're not happy then it will reflect on them, I know you don't want to be a single parent,neither did I ,but when I walked away from my husband it was the best thing,I ever did

Answer 8

Using the kids to justify whatever decision is most self-serving for you. How nice.

Answer 9

We are going thru the same experience right now .I know exactly how you feel.

Answer 10

you married him for better or worse, sickness and in health? sounds like you should stop thinking only about your self.