He's only been gone a week...Do you think he's telling the truth or is he just saying whatever he has to say to move back into the house? Please tell me about your personal experience with this. We have been married about 20 yrs...but I feel like I have put up with him about 15 years too long already...he has always been very moody, angry and controlling...
2007-02-21 12:28:00 · 10 answers · asked by buckeye chick 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I left my husband 6 different times in 30 years. One time it was for a year. Guess what? We are now getting divorced. He had the nerve to walk out the door. So I closed it behind him. He swore he'd change every single time. After 25 years he started spending money on everything and everybody and he cancelled his life insurance and was messing around with jobs which is something he never did. He always had a good stable job. Forget it. I don't know how much you wanna go thru but now I have to get a job to support myself and I'm too old for this. I don't even know if I'll be able to support myself. Get out while you still can.
2007-02-21 13:07:06 · answer #1 · answered by Me2 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, first you probably had signs of how he was before you married him, but you still opted in. Sorry, if you thought you could change him and it didnt work. But you still commited to him. Plus, why is it that men are always expected to change or be different or to see things another way, simply because the women thinks they should? Women howl if a man has that attitude with them, do they not?
Next, remember what your vows said. Do you think God is kidding when he tells us what he considers right and wrong? Do you think what he says is a mere suggestion to us?
Now, as far as being controlling. Ask yourself this. Do you act in ways that demonstrate that maybe you need to be told what to do? Just asking. But something to think about. You see, it is my thoughts that so many people who find others controlling are often responsble for others having the idea that they need to tell you what to do. Think of it. If you care about someone and they seem to mess up or goof a lot, dont you think you need to say something to them for their sake and yours? Espcially in marriage. Your mate is tied to you and what you do legally. So if a person is messing up a good bit or doing dumb stuff, the mate has a right and an obligation to try to fix it. Not only to help the other person, (who will likely deny they do dumb stuff or will be mad because the other said something.) but also because it is their neck in the sling too.
Anyway, somethings for you to consider and think about.
2007-02-21 20:44:35 · answer #2 · answered by Mr. JW 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If after 20 years u are just giving him a second chance, then sure..give him that chance.
I am a guy, married 10 yrs and I understand where u are coming from. However, i can also tell u that i know he means it, he does not want to destroy the marriage, the kids, you. As much as u may not appreciate this, he is truly your love. Stick with him pls.
2007-02-21 20:33:34 · answer #3 · answered by jackbauer 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him you wanna see the changes. Give him 30 or 60 days, but dont tell him that. See if he means what he says. Date. Chat on the phone. Get re-aquiainted. If he changes, tell him to come home. Set boundaries or it'll be the same thing all over again.
2007-02-21 20:36:42 · answer #4 · answered by Ade 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Read Dr. Laura's "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" and "The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage." ALSO....if he really does need to change, and you aren't holding impossibly high standards (really, 15 years and you just now got a backbone?) then you need to have him EARN his way back into the house, not just let him back after a week of him promising he's changed.
2007-02-21 20:32:35 · answer #5 · answered by reddevilbloodymary 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be strong...don't let him back in until:
He will go to counseling...and does it. You have to go too. Once he complies, then and only then can you consider him coming home.
Got kids? You 2 need to work it out for their sake, that's your responsibility as parents. Parent(S) plural. Your relationship works 2 ways so I'll bet you both can benefit from an outside viewpoint.
2007-02-21 20:34:58 · answer #6 · answered by Cher 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you know your own mind already. Make him prove he has changed before you let him back. Especially if anger, control, abuse is the problem and the reason you are separated.
2007-02-21 20:32:08 · answer #7 · answered by eharrah1 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it takes 28 days for someone to form, break a habit, or in this case, for real change to begin to be evident and permanent. i would tell him that you're willing to start dating him, after the 28th day, and you'll see from there what changes he's made. if he's really started to change, he will understand your position, and be patient, yet determined to win you back.
good luck to you
2007-02-21 20:32:17 · answer #8 · answered by salemgirl1972 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he has not changed in a week, but he may have started to try, I would say not to let him back in, and be honest to him about what you think he needs to change, and make sure it isn't one sided in your favor, you need to make changes as well, it is never one sided.
2007-02-21 20:44:47 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
if it has been too long then you know the answer -- he will only keep doing this to you- and i don't think he feels sorry for putting you thru this
2007-02-21 20:31:39 · answer #10 · answered by gabby 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋