how do i go on after husband of 22 years left me for old girlfriend he met on internet?

Question

my husband of 22 years recently asked me to quit my job so we could spend more time together as we hadnt had the same days off in 5 years. i complied with his wishes and for the last 6 weeks we had many romantic and good times together. he had said that he was unhappy and he didnt know what to do. I had thought that we were doing great, but I was wrong. I found him on his cell phone in the hottub talking to someone when confronted he lied saying it was his friend i asked to talk to him then and he said no. I said its the girl from the internet isnt it and he said yes. after quite a confrontation he told me she was his soulmate and that he loved her and had spent 3 days with her in las vegas last week. He said he would do whatever I wanted. I told him to move out. we have 2 girls 12 and 15. the girls are with me for now. starting next week we will do 50/50 divorce is inevitable i thought we would grow old together I am devastated hurt and alone. how could he do this to me

Answer 1

Sometimes life makes no since and there is no right answers on why someone would want to hurt someone theyre suppost to love. It sounds like the two of you grew apart over time. He was very unfair to you and your children for having a affair with someone else.

Right now I would just concentrate on YOU and your Children. Sometimes being around caring friends and family members can help. It might help to talk to a counselor or clergy/pastor during this rough time to help you get through all this as well.

Keep your head up, you tried to make your marriage work and it was him who let in to his selfishesness. Try to start doing things that you enjoy and spending time with your children. Make sure they know that it is nothing that they have done and how much they are loved even though things are gonna be changing. good luck.

Answer 2

Wow, u must be devastated hun. I am so sorry he turned out to be such a weak man.
I predict failure in his relationship with her. He is too used to u and the way he has lived for the past 22 years. It may last awhile, but will ultimately end in failure.
Not that thats what u need to hear, but just my evaluation of the situation.
As for you, u appear to be a strong woman, and need to continue to stand your ground. U were right in telling him to leave. He has done the one unforgiveable act. He has betrayed your trust and hurt u in the worst possible way. But, dont u worry hun, u will be stronger than u have ever been once all this settles.
Take the time u need to deal with all that has happened. But dont sit and sulk. I am assuming u r in your 40's? Life is anything but over. My cousins granny got married a year ago. She is 78 and he is 79. lol THey are like newlyweds.
Another fella may be the last thing on your mind right now, and its totally understandable. But, i will say this. Dont sit at home. Get out of the house with your friends and socialize if nothing else. It will do u some good, and u will be able to put the past behind u faster if u do.
U deserve to be happy, so do whatever it is that will make u just that. Want to expand your education? Do it. Want to learn a new hobby? do it. Want to start playing Bingo? do it. Whatever it is, u do it girl. Dont let this man destroy the woman in you.
He will regret this action someday. I can feel it. But, when he trying to crawl back......u will be standing taller than u ever have. Its his loss, not yours.
Good luck to u hun.

Answer 3

Spending 3 days with someone on a vacation/semi honeymoon, isn't the same as day in and day out. I feel for you..my husband of 18 years had an affair with a woman from his work. We ended up divorced and they married 4 months after that. They're still together. I never thought I would be in this situation. It's been 4 years now and sometimes I find myself wondering how this happened. I can't say it's been better..probably worse. There has been some good but overall I was happier married. It has been difficult but I've adjusted..it gets easier. I sometimes wish I hadn't have thrown his clothes out and kicked him out when I found out. But, in the long run do you really want to be with someone who is cheating behind your back. I guess what I want you to realize is so far he's leading a fantasy life with her. It's not the same as being together day in and out when life gets tough. I don't know maybe he'll come to his senses and beg to come back. But, if he doesn't you'll need to protect yourself legally. I suggest you get a GOOD lawyer. It pays off in the end that you're protected and get what is rightfully yours. Don't settle for less than you're due. He's a jerk and he doesn't care right now..it's all about his needs and desires. Do yourself a favor and get immediate legal advice and protect yourself and your daughters. I wouldn't wish this on my worse enemy...sometimes it blows my mind that there are women that would be so damn selfish and not care about breaking up families.

take care

Answer 4

Don't wait for your husband to make a decision on who he wants to be with. He's playing with emotions and wants to see what he wants more. What do you want more? Someone who doesn't question himself I hope. Answer his troubled mind and get a divorce. It's not healthy anyways because you will always wonder if he's cheating, or changed his mind again. It's also not healthy for the kids. It's ok that you still love him, and you'll have a lot of memories that are ok to hold on to. Just get out there and find someone better. Don't be with him because your afraid to be alone either. Also, on the debt matter, don't stay in an unhealthy relationship because you are worried about bills.

Answer 5

If you had known what was coming, when your Husband asked you to quit your job, so, both of you would have more time to spend together,you would not have quit it. Why didn't your Husband think of his two girls before he went tom catting with, of all places a woman he chatted on the Internet. Some men, not all of them, think that when they found themselves another Woman that is all lovey dovey with them think they have a Jewel by their side, he will find out soon enough what kind of Woman he has at his side, and then he is going to regret what he did to you, and to his Daughters. If he does want to return to you and his family, it is up to you if you want to salvage whatever is there from your Marriage, because it is hard to forget what he did and even harder when it comes to your Daughters. MY advice to you is to analyse what went wrong and if you decide in the future tha you are ready to find a good man that not only love's you but your Daughters, as well remember what happened in your previous Marriage and try to form a solid relationship when you are ready to do it. Good, luck to you, and I hope that you will be able to go on with your life for the sake of your Daughters.

Answer 6

Well I'm no expert by any stretch of the imagination. However, I would guess that for now you need to just concentrate on getting on your feet, going back to work, get your own place, and spend some time thinking about what you want out of life now. Try to find a support group of people who have gone through similar circumstances see if they have any advice too (doesn't have to be in person could be over the net). Try to lean on family too if they are good about that kind of thing.

Answer 7

So many times I had read the same questions here, on Yahoo...
So many broken hearts, pains and tears for the same, old, ugly reason...
You know, it sounds crazy, but I wish we have a law about cheating. It is a cruel crime against of love, so get death penalty for that! Because it is the same with murder, not physical, but spiritual...
In others country, where they have a such law, married people simply do not cheat. It means that people can control their sexual urgents, others "loves" and be responsible for those who relays on them, for wives, husbands, little children...
I know, what goes around, comes around...Just feel that your pain is unbearable, so bleeding right now.
I know, you'll survive and find your own real happiness. Just believe in that. It's hard, but try to stay strong and keep your head high.
God bless you.

Answer 8

This must have been such a huge blow to you..and I am very sorry that he did this to you but they say that the best revenge is happiness. Show his what he just threw away. Go out and get your hair done, buy a new pair of shoes..something for you. Trust me he will see what a mistake he made oneday..granted this may not mean that he will want to patch things up but he will see that hurting you this way was very wrong. I would take advantage of your life now..live..

I like that song.."She let herself go"..by I think George Staite..you should hear it..it might fit you perfect!

Answer 9

Same thing happened to me last year.....he left me the night before my birthday. I am 33 but we had 4 kids together - it's been the longest, hardest year of my life. Don't get into emotional confrontations with him...what's done is done. Keep the kids out of it and do not argue or discuss in front of them. As hard as it is, try to keep a strong outlook and be strong for the kids as they will look to you for guidance and how to act. If you fall apart, they will too. And go to counseling.....do not wait. Also, email me anytime...I'm sorry for you and your family...I too thought we would grow old together and even 11 months later, still am in shock. It does get better but it takes time..... another thing is to make time for yourself. It sounds silly but it makes all the difference in the world.

Answer 10

I really feel for you, I've been there and done that,I was married for 12yrs my husband fathered another child,and had other women when we were married,I've been divorced 13yrs,it hurts and it is devastating when your husband acts a fool and leaves you for another woman,but don't think it's you,he's the one with the problem,if anyone would have told me that my husband and I would be divorced,I would have called them all liars,but it's best to move on with your life,you have 2 beautiful girls,you will find someone who loves you and respects you,you don't deserve that sh*t from your husband,hang in there and be strong you will be fine good luck to you:)