I have been with the same man for 17 years old. His mother and everyone else in our extend family claims one of his x girlfriends had a child to him over 17 years ago. We requested Dna test to be done and the other woman refused to have them done with us paying for them.This child was adopted at the age of 4 and the man passed away. Problem with all this is that in laws refuse to have relationship with our children because we asked for the blood test on the other child and it is in their life.
2007-02-21 11:46:52 · 20 answers · asked by Rotties World 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
This other child was told when it was 10 years old that her father that died was not her father. My husband has already stated he has never believed that he was this childs father but that his mother pushed the issue. The woman and guy that raised my husband have not seen my children in almost 10 years, But I am always hearing them kids need their people in their life.. I don't think I should allow them to have a relationship with them when all they do is put me and my husband down to our children. Mind you these people have a relationship with this child and this woman that raised my husband went as far as telling my 5 year old at the time that she had an older sibling.
2007-02-21 12:13:49 · update #1
I would also like to add my children 14,12,11,8 have been subjected to the neg. They already have their feelings about these people and I am not sure that we ( my husband and I can ever change the way they feel about them. It is hard when your whole life you have been compared to another person. My children do not complain or ask why they don't see these people they have told my husband and I that they don't want them in their lives so that is when we put an end to it. I am not about to force my children to have relationships with people they don't want to.
2007-02-21 12:23:37 · update #2
Sounds like the kid doesn't really belong to him. I have a baby by another man. Really the same situation. The wife only JUST found out, if she wanted to do a dna test because she didn't believe me or whatever, I'd tell her to go ahead!!
2007-02-21 12:02:53 · answer #1 · answered by confused!! but sexy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am very sorry that this is going so wrong for you. You and your husband have every right to ask for DNA testing and you did the right thing by offering to pay for it.
It is most certainly wrong of your in laws to punish your kids because they are angry at you. Hopefully one day they will see that. In the meantime all you can do is make sure that you protect your family from this drama. Be calm and full of love. It will only make the situation worse if you lower yourselves to the relatives level instead of hanging out up here and waiting on them to find the truth.
I wish I knew how old the kids are, but even without knowing their ages I can advise that you follow "Thumper's rule" with them. Try to always say positive things (or nothing at all) when you speak of anyone that is related to your children. It is a good rule to use for everyone PERIOD actually. If the kids are older (old enough to ask why they don't see Grandma and Grandpa) then I would calmly explain in the simplest way I could. "Gradma and Grandpa are a little upset with Mommy and Daddy right now, but I'm sure we will all work it out later." (I've lived long enough to know that everything does get worked out eventually.) Depending on their age a more involved explanation may be necessary. Just be truthful, loving, and put it as simply as you can-- avoiding emotions, name calling, and drama.
Please, whatever their age, shield them from the drama games that your in laws seem to want to play. And don't feel too bad. Maybe it is best that your kids are NOT around your in laws right now. It sure sounds like it is. Hopefully your relatives will see the light some day soon and be good company for you all.
I pray you Blessings.
2007-02-21 12:08:09 · answer #2 · answered by DidoDeeDee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off this is all up to your husband, He's the only one that can move forward. He has to partition the court for proof of paternity. If your husband didn't sign any papers for the adoption, the judge should order a blood test. Once the judge has done this the child has to take the blood test. My problem with all this is why has dad waited till the kid is 17? Is the kid in harms way? Why does dad think he needs to step in now?
2007-02-21 12:02:04 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
At the end of your question, you say that you and your husband requested a DNA test when they told you that your husband had another child with a former girlfriend, and that your in-laws do not want to have any contact with your kids because they are seeing the other child that was born out of wedlock. Your in-laws, are acting very bad when it comes to the children you and your husband have together, the kids are not at fault of what happened years, back, and neither do you. My advice to you is, that if you want your Marriage to survive, you need to put all the unpleasantness aside, and concentrate on giving all the Love your kids need, and try to brush aside what your in-laws, are doing to the Family, not only to the kids but to you and your Husband as well. Your Husband needs to communicate to his Parents that what they do to his kids and you their Mother, is hurting him as well, and that if they want to have him in their life they should not have tried to interfere with the DNA because it was none of their business but, yours, and his, to begin with. I hope that your in-laws, will realize the mistake they made, and would reconsider for the sake of the children. I wish you the Best, I care.
2007-02-21 12:22:10 · answer #4 · answered by a.vasquez7413@sbcglobal.net 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What else can you do? You asked for the DNA test, I guess the only other thing is to force the issue and get a court order....but what a can of worms. It's right to know, I would want to know, but why didn't this get settled like, 17 years ago?
2007-02-21 11:57:14 · answer #5 · answered by reddevilbloodymary 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your family should not get involved.. I totally understand why her hubby wants the test.. But the bottom line is this child.. The child is old enough to say what he wants is he interested in getting the test done?? And what will the outcome be if the child is his..and what if he is not??
Yous in a sticky situation good luck and remember it is not the childs fault even if he is not your hubby's he can be a friend of the family right!
2007-02-21 11:51:11 · answer #6 · answered by BLONDE BEAUTY 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
omg that is so scary!
get some help
by the way is the man who passed away your husband or the child?
if the wife won;'t let you get the dna test, when the child grows up, ask the child if you can do the test
soon it will have its own rights and the mom wouldnrt be able to stop her/him
2007-02-21 11:50:59 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should get a court order for the DNA tests. If you can't, it looks like the child will be of age soon, if he isn't already. When the child is 18, you should be able to deal with him directly. If he wants to take the paternity test, he will.
Good luck, and I hope this helps! :)
2007-02-21 11:54:02 · answer #8 · answered by ? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell her to bugger off. The baby was born over 17 years ago (before you were with your man). She gave the baby up for adoption revoking claims to the child right? The situation cannot be resolved today so it is a case that you may have to wait until teh child is over 18 years old and approach him directly. The main thing is this other woman obviously has issues which SHE needs to deal with and to leave you and your man alone! Good luck and best wishes for the future
2007-02-21 11:52:15 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Wait until this "child" is 18 years old and ask him to get a DNA test done so this can be cleared up once and for all.
If the "child" doesn't know any of this stuff then leave it alone.
2007-02-21 11:55:40 · answer #10 · answered by daljack -a girl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋