my fiance has a previous kid help?

Question

I have been with my fiance for 2 years he has a kid with his previous, who's mom creats so much drama around her child it ridiculous....I used to watch his child full time everyday while they were both at work.....He and i just had a baby who is almost 4 months old and is a lot of work...last weekend while he worked until 4 am at the bar i had the baby and his kid.....i have never been so stressd out in my life his 2 year old little girl is a terror.....she pours her food off her plate and her drink out of her cup....you constanly have to watch her and with having a baby thats almost impossible to watch her every second.....I'm almost not even sure if i like her anymore because she is so stressful.....Am I right to think that i shouldn't have to watch both kids at the same time all night long? And i don't think it is ok for me to feel the way i do about her sometimes i just wish she wasn't here or just that i wasn't their (her parents) go to gal.

Answer 1

You have basically created this problem yourself. AND it sounds like you are a giving, caring person. I would be stressed out too. I think you need to talk to your fiance and let him know that while you love his daughter, you can not be looked upon as babysitter and 'go to gal.' that it simply is not fair to you, and you feel like he and biomom are taking advantage of you. Ask him for suggestions, scheduling changes, something that will take a little of the burden off of you. See what he comes up with, he knows...he knows he's got a great gal in you, but you must stand your ground or you will continue to get walked all over. AND just think, if the stress is taken off you a bit where future stepdaughter is concerned, then you might have a better feeling and appreciation for her. Good Luck.

Answer 2

You have a couple of choices but your really the best judge of which is the best.
1. You can continue watching both of them. I can imagine it's really hard, 2 is a crazy age for a youngster, but you can't blame her for it she's just a child after all. All you can do is your best, just make sure to take some time for you at least 1 hour a day, just to soak in the tub, or have a good uninterupted meal.
2. you can tell your fiance that you can't handle the stress of the two children at once. If he's going to be gone all night then her mother will have to take care of her. Your child is the most important thing in your life and you can't sacrifice it's well being for another woman's child.
It's perfectly understandible that you would get frustrated. Any mother of a two year old gets stressed, and trying to take care of a baby while taking care of someone elces 2 year old I would imagine being even more stressful.
Don't feel bad about being stressed, but make sure you take care of the child when she's put into your care, never take it out on her.

Answer 3

I understand how stressed you could be watching both. I have two little ones myself(1 and a half, and 2 and a half years old). 2 year olds do those things. Talk to your fiance about how you two should start disciplining her(a time out on a naughty chair, or no *name of favorite toy here*. The most important thing is, talk to your fiance. Tell him about the things she does that stress you out. Talk to him about what you two can do to help her learn that it is not ok to do those things.
Also, all moms have plenty of days where they are stressed out. There are some days where I am so stressed out, that I put my kids in their room to play, and do something for a little bit to relax(read a book, listen to some music, do some of cleaning).

While you are watching both kids, I recommend a nice swing, bouncy seat, baby carrier, or even all three. Also, keep one room as child proof as you can, so you can let her run around play with her toys, ect for a few moments while you change your baby, feed your baby ect.

Answer 4

Snap out of it. You are not gonna be living in whatever dreamland you think. You marry him and to a big extent that "terror" becomes yours. You will be her step-mother and that means that you are gonna not only be watching her, you are gonna have her deeply involved in your life and to another extent, her mother too. Your own sweet baby is gonna grow into a toddler terror too so don't think you are gonna get out of that by the little girl not being there. You need to start showing some parenting skills a and while you are at it you need to start growing a spine or google up where you can rent one and then tell your fiance that you are not going to be stuck with the kids while he stays out all night.

Frankly, you are tossing good after bad. Sounds like this situation is not very good. If you were with this guy while he was with his daughter's mother, you are getting exactly what you deserve. If that is not the case, you should seriously consider cutting your losses. If you think things are stressful now, just marry this guy with the baby-mamma-drama and you will lead a stressful life 'cause baby this it only the tip of this iceberg. Its decission making time and do it before you marry this guy and if I were you, I wouldn't.

Answer 5

I would feel the way you do about someone else's kid, that's for sure. "Previous kids" have always been one of the main deal-breakers for me, I've never even dated a guy with kids. The way you feel is probably a normal reaction. But this is the way to feel BEFORE marriage, before making a committment and having children. Now it's time to start thinking constructively, and finding ways to deal with the situation - his child will be around for years to come, and if you can't come to terms with it, might as well leave now. Talk to your husband, see what he can suggest. The thing is, if you guys got married with an agreement that you're now going to be watching his kid - then you need to stick to it; you can't just bail on him and say "nope, don't want to do it, find your own way of dealing with your own damn kid". If he gets the child an X number of days a week (or a month) - this is just how it's gonna be. Talk to your husband, and maybe together you can come up with a good solution.

Answer 6

Having a little one myself and several little nephews and nieces, I have noticed that at around that age they are testing their boundaries. Your fiance's child will soon grow out of it. Be patient Why don't you try taking the kid to the park and let her play all day long, when you get home, she'll take a long nap. It is only natural for the little one to act up a little. But, since you just had a child your self, your body is tired and needs some rest. So you might want to talk with your fiance and let him know how you feel. Hopefully he understands. Good luck and congratulations on your little bungalow of joy. :)

Answer 7

If you love this man you should love his other kid equally.
yes it is stressful to take care of a two year old and a 4 month old
It is for every parent. The two year old is probably trying to get your attention don't forget that little girl probably loves you very much.
If it is his time to have her and he has to work you should watch them both. I don't think he intends for you to feel that way. And be happy you are liked by her mother and remember she needs your attention. I know it is difficult to go from one child at a time to two but if you love him you will love her also.
If it is too much on you now it will only get harder.

Answer 8

when you marry someone with kids, it's a package deal. she's a part of him and you want him, right?
2 is a tough age. ever heard of the terrible two's? this will give you some practice and insight into the future. your child will be doing the same stuff if not worse in what, 16 months?
got a younger sister, niece, neighbor, or somebody that may be willing to hang out with you and your 2 kids to help you out?
you may want to take a look at yourself though. maybe you don't need to get married if you don't want to accept his child.

Answer 9

Well since you knew she was going to be around before you started dating him and you knew she would be around before you had another baby, yes, It is now your responsibility to watch her while he works. My kids are just under 2 years apart. It is possible to watch a 2 yr old an have an infant. Is it always easy, no, but it's what you signed up for. If she dumps the drink out of her cup, give her a cup with a lid so she can't. If she dumps her food, just be sure not to feed her messy foods that are hard to clean up. I completely sympathize with the fact that it is stressful, but she is 2 and it is possible to train her to be better with a little effort. Be glad you get along with his ex. I would give anything to get along with my husbands ex, but she refuses. She would rather hate me than make life easier for her son. Especially if you want to marry this man, you need to learn to deal with this issue.

Answer 10

why do u have to baby sit the woman's child? doesnt sound like yall are on good terms but ya bf shud send his daughter to nursery or kindergarten or something and if u stressed out with your baby then u shud ask him to put the baby in a nursery.

u shudnt be stressing over some1 elses child especially since that person is alive.